Sam’s dragged Blaine off to the locker rooms. Sadly, it’s not to make out. The pair show Finn photos of all of the Warblers – not just the new leader, Hunter – over a time lapse, and explain the reasonable logistics of natural muscle gain versus steroid enhancement over the time period that they were investigating. They also produce a video of Hunter showing off some serious roid-rage at the Lima Bean, throwing the biscotti all across the floor. Blaine shows Finn the show choir handbook’s retroactive rule about use of performance-enhancing drugs, so if they can prove the Warblers were doping, they would be stripped of their win and, apparently, New Directions would be back in the competition. (Would they? Seeing as they were disqualified too, so the team that came second, the Rosedale Mennonites, would be the winners advancing to Regionals?)
This kind of error prompts Ryan Murphy to advise fans to keep calm and remember that this is just a TV show, which, fair enough, but no other show I have ever followed has contained the sheer volume of canonical inconsistencies and you think by now they’d be trying, a little bit, to improve on that, to make the writing tight enough or well-thought-out-enough in advance to avoid the million little questions about consistency that always come up?
Anyway, Finn tells them how serious the accusation is and how risky it would be to take on the Warblers, one of the most respected groups in the country, with just this circumstantial evidence. He says they need real proof, and Blaine admits that they have some. Guys. You had actual proof? Next time, lead with that. Blaine and Sam snap their fingers in unison, and out of the shadows comes Trent Warbler – Dominic Barnes, the “Round-Face Warbler” Sam had pointed out as being missing from the Sectionals performance. “I knew when Trent didn’t perform with the Warblers at Sectionals that something was up,” Blaine explains. “Yeah, he is kind of like the sunshine of the group, in’t he?” Finn smiles. Blaine agrees, and it is the most blatant and beautiful fanservice to all those Warbler fangirls out there who obsess over the Dalton regulars, and Trent has been around since the very start.
Trent then goes on to explain what happened. “Blaine and I joined the Warblers together. It was a band of brothers. A group joined by harmony and honor. And then Blaine left, and Sebastian came, and Hunter.. they just chipped away at everything that was good and special about us.” Trent goes on to admit that Hunter introduced the human growth hormone shots, that winning was everything to him and that everyone took the shots, or they didn’t perform. We see a blurry flashback to the Warblers getting dosed up – Nick, Jeff, all the regulars – but Trent refusing to take the injections. “The Warblers mean everything to me and it’s killing me to betray them,” he admits to the McKinley guys, and Blaine assures his friend that he’s not the one betraying the Warblers – Hunter was the one to do that. Trent is saving them.
It’s an oddly beautiful and satisfying moment of pay-off and explanation for all the Dalton Academy fans out there who have been horrified to see the Warblers go from something so noble and good-natured to something so villainous. Trent fears being the one to ruin Dalton’s reputation, but Sam claims that the Warblers already did that when they decided to cheat to win, and Trent concedes to that with a shrug. Finn gently asks if he will agree to testify against the Warblers, and Trent looks uncertain.
In the Bushwick apartment, Rachel lays out a dinner for two and sits at the table. A while later, she’s slumped on the table when there’s a knock at the door. It’s Brody, who is 45 minutes late. Rachel starts laying into him for being late and to herself for putting up with such mediocrity in her personal life as she dramatically clears the table. “You know, six months ago, I probably would have just smiled and reheated this all up for you, and I would have been grateful that you showed up at all,” she informs him, throwing the salad – the one thing that didn’t need reheating – into the trash. Brody is taken aback, surprised that she’s so angry, and says his train was late. She does not accept the excuse, and continues to assert herself, or whatever this is meant to be – it just looks like a different brand of Rachel crazy.
Brody eventually grabs her and turns her, telling her that she’s right, and charms her by saying that though the train platform had been freezing, he had just been thinking about her – that he would have waited all night for the train that would be taking him to her. She’s suitably mollified and says she can probably reheat the food, but he doesn’t want to eat – he wants to dance, to the imaginary music of Ryder singing “I Only Have Eyes For You” back at the Sadie Hawkins dance.
As Jake and Marley slow-dance to music they can actually hear, Jake tells Marley that he wants to be with her, properly and officially and exclusively, and they kiss. Blaine rushes back in to find his date, Tina, and treats her to a final dance as well, while he sadly watches Sam over Tina’s shoulder. Back in New York, Rachel and Brody finish their dance and he swears never to be late for her again, and offers to get an apartment out in Bushwick instead of Manhattan. I legitimately thought that this was a joke, and then Rachel asks him, dead serious, “why don’t you just move in?” Er, what?
To end the episode, the ladies of the Too Young To Be Bitter club hold a final meeting to announce their disbanding, due to Tina’s Sadie Hawkins dance giving them their swag back. Lauren Zizes was apparently so empowered by her snagging of Joe Hart that she’s applied for a wrestling scholarship at Harvard. Um, the Lauren Zizes I remember would have never needed an excuse or male validation to do something like that, but… whatever. Freshman Dottie thinks Stoner Brett really likes her – he’s even baked her some brownies! Oh my god, can that couple be the entire plot of season 5? Seriously? Becky announces that she got to third base with her date, another student with Downs Syndrome, so that’s kind of politically incorrect in a way that’s not edgy, just inappropriate, and just between us girls, Tina thinks she’s found the love of her life. “What? You’re not talking about Gay Blaine?” Becky shrieks, which… yeah, what, Tina? You’re not talking about Blaine, right? No, you totally are. This is going to be a thing. Jesus Christ.
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