Back in Lima, Brittany introduces herself to Marley, seeing as they’ve never had a conversation before (ahem) and goes on to let Marley know that, when it’s quiet enough, she can hear Marley whimpering over Jake like a suckling puppy. Apparently, after Marley fainted at Sectionals, Jake has been giving her the cold shoulder (nice, real nice) and now she doesn’t know where they stand. Brittany offers to help her out by singing a song with her, so that Marley can ask Jake to the dance. “The music usually starts when I say something like ‘It’s Brittany, bitch’ or I do one of my magical turns.” (AHEM.)
One magical turn later, the music starts for The Exciters “Tell Him” and Brittany and Marley prance through the halls, backed up by all the other glee club girls in Sixties-style matching gowns. After a performance of rock-n-roll solo swing dancing, in which I found Kitty’s complicity really unrealistic but which sounded and looked quite awesome, Marley nervously shouts Jake’s name, goes down on one knee, and asks him to the dance. He accepts with a smile and the fancy dresses vanish, showing the girls in their normal outfits – apparently they were a fantastical product of Brittany’s magical turn. Britt uses the opportunity to ask Sam as well (is this something that needs to happen even when a couple is officially dating? You don’t just already know you’re going together?), Tina and Blaine look miserable and awkward, and Neck-Brace Cheerio knocks on the window from outside, waving and winking at Ryder. Okay.
Kitty traps Jake in a corridor – literally has other Cheerios barricade the door – and orders him to dump Marley and attend the dance with her. (See? Why did she help Marley’s song in the prior scene? Are we meant to find the musical numbers implausible, because it has always seemed like something that could easily be made plausible and played into actual characteristics. Tina would have sat it out due to sulking, and Kitty would have sat it out due to wanting to ask out Jake herself. It should have just been Sugar and Unique backing up Brittany and Marley. No? Whatever.) Jake is surprised, saying he thought Kitty and Marley were friends. “Duh, we are. I’m still going to gaslight her every chance I get.” Jake clearly doesn’t know the definition of the word gaslighting, because I cannot believe he would let this statement slide if he knew what it meant, but Kitty goes on to explain that if he chooses her over Marley, he’ll have the chance to get laid. She leaves him considering his options.
Later, Little Puck grabs coffee with Normal Puck and discusses this – literally “should I be a good guy and go with the girl I actually like, or should I go with the one who will sleep with me?” Um, if you legit like Marley, is this actually a question? Is this something people actually verbalise and debate? I get that it may be a hormonal instinct, but said aloud it seems utterly ridiculous. After a bunch of baseball metaphors, Puck sets Jake straight: “I’m your hitting coach, and I’m waving you off!” Puck advises his brother not to bother with Kitty if he actually likes Marley – that the sex won’t be worth it. Jake seems to find it hard to believe that someone like Puck would give him this advice, which proves that we know Puck – the only character on Glee with actually consistent growth and development – a bit better than his new “little-brother-from-a-different-coloured-mother” does. Puck promises to make Kitty back off if she doesn’t stop coming onto Jake.
Tina catches a very anxious Blaine at his locker, where she says they owe one another an apology. She thinks that he owes her one for humiliating her, which… I am not 100% sure about? I mean, he was pretty nice and apologetic at the time, and is there a law that when you ask someone out, they have to say yes? Anyway, her apology is for failing to remember Blaine’s past – that a Sadie Hawkins dance was where he got so badly beaten up that he ended up moving to Dalton in the first place. There’s the backstory nod Ryan Murphy promised to the pedantic fangirls, and to be honest, it’s pretty unsatisfying (give me gender-role issues, dammit. Blaine used that first Sadie Hawkins opportunity to ask out another guy, it’s clear that he puts himself into a certain societal role) but if Tina thinks that THAT’s the reason he turned her down, she’s delusional. I mean, she goes on to prove that she’s delusional, later on, but how about the fact that he’s gay and she approached him in a romantic way regardless? How about the fact that a few episodes ago, she was trying to get him back together with Kurt? I could start listing reasons why this was super messed up but we would be here all day, but basically, she’s thought things through and come up with: “it’s not that you didn’t want to go with me, it’s that you didn’t want to go in general.” Delusional.
Blaine thanks her for her apology but tells her it’s not the reason he turned her down. He slumps to sit on the floor in front of his locker, and doesn’t want to admit the real reason, but as she pushes, bits come out until she gets the full story. Blaine has a crush on a guy, who’s straight, and he doesn’t want to say anything about it, but he doesn’t want to go to a dance where everyone is being romantic except him. He’s not “some predatory gay,” so nothing’s going to happen. (Wow, was that a burn on Tina’s behaviour towards him, or Kurt’s behaviour towards Finn?) Tina keeps pressing Blaine until he cracks and admits that his crush is Sam.
Much like Tina’s montage of falling for Blaine, we see Blaine’s montage of falling for Sam, particularly focusing on Sam’s current investigation of the Warblers – based on the growth of Hunter Clarington’s head, he seems to have pieced together evidence that the Warblers may have been using performance enhancing drugs. Blaine seems to be quite ashamed of himself as he is proud of his friendship with Sam, that he as a gay guy can be best friends with a straight guy without stigma. Tina comforts Blaine, saying his crush on Sam is understandable. “Blaine. You miss Kurt. You need some place to put your love, right?” Yeah, because that’s a healthy attitude. She insists that they go to the dance together, and just have an awesome time as friends. Blaine allows himself to be dragged off the floor, and agrees.
Rachel clutches Kurt as they stroll along Fifth Avenue together. Kurt opts out of crashing her meet-up with Brody, and Rachel waxes lyrical about the someday-soon when Kurt will meet the new man of his dreams and double-date with her and Brody. She feels like it’s coming soon, and Kurt admits that he kind of has his eye on someone, but is trying to figure out if the guy likes him in return. Yet another montage occurs, of Adam encountering Kurt around NYADA and casually passing out compliments – “Cat on A Hot Tin Roof?” Adam enquires, as he catches Kurt reading for the Tennessee Williams play-reading group. “You’d make a fantastic Brick, you kind of look like a young Paul Newman.” Adam, I already adore you but if you think Kurt Hummel could play Brick Pollitt you’re more delusional than Tina. “Hey Kurt, nice plié!” he offers, passing (or lurking) Kurt’s ballet practice. Kurt brushes this off, muttering about his ex being the better dancer in their relationship, but Adam patiently takes it in stride, saying “Let’s try this again.” He repeats the compliment, staring into Kurt’s eyes via the mirror, and Kurt turns to face him, accepting the compliment properly.
Upon recounting these anecdotes to Rachel, she declares that Adam definitely likes Kurt and that if he doesn’t make a move, Kurt should take matters into his own hands and ask Adam out. It will be worth it, Rachel promises, as there’s nothing like being in love in New York City. Kurt seems a bit perturbed by her sudden switch from casual liking to love. “What can I say? Things move fast here! It’s not like high school,” she calls to him as she leaves him to cross the street. “Says the girl who almost got married before graduation!” Kurt cups his hand to yell at her across traffic, and I am reminded why I adore him.
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