Sorry to burst your bubbles, but no matter who your favorite Gotham character is, none of you are king of anything.

Once I know your favorite Gotham character, I know specific details about you and your life. Some might say it’s unnatural. Others might say it’s a gift. I say it’s a lifetime of observation. I’m not psychic, I promise. I’m just really good at being judgmental. If you say I’m wrong, you’re just a liar, and your favorite character is probably Jervis.

Alfred Pennyworth: You say “lit” unironically.

Barbara Kean: You play games on your cell phone during class.

Bruce Wayne: You lend your favorite books to people.

Butch Gilzean: Your cell phone’s wallpaper is of your pet.

Edward Nygma: Dinner is promptly at six o’clock, no exceptions.

Fish Mooney: You set your tests and assignments on fire at the end of each school year.

Harvey Bullock: You’re a Slytherin.

Harvey Dent: You insist on price-matching your groceries.

Jerome Valeska: You’ve tried to slide down the stairs in a plastic bin.

Jervis Tetch: You’re able to get a free replacement for your water damaged phone.

Jim Gordon: You remind the teacher that he/she forgot to assign the homework at the end of class.

Lee Thompkins: You perfectly fit Tupperwares into your lunchbox like it’s a game of Tetris.

Lucius Fox You pretend to be an employee at the Genius bar.

Nathaniel Barnes: You refuse to try any flavor of Doritos except original nacho cheese.

Selina Kyle: You use a friend’s Netflix password.

Tabitha Galavan: You secretly pour out all the alcohol at a party just to see people’s reactions.

Oswald Cobblepot: You creep your ex’s new partner’s social media.

Who’s your favorite ‘Gotham’ character?

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