We are all beautiful, original, Picasso-drawn butterflies, but when you tell me who your favorite television character is, I throw this fact out the window and instead make assumptions. I will judge you based on your answer, and my first impression may or may not be incredibly accurate.
So take this list with a grain of salt, as all it can really reveal is that I am a terrible, judgmental person. But here’s what your favorite Downton Abbey character tells me about you:
Lord Grantham: You embrace the patriarchy and might be bad with money.
Lady Grantham: You trust too many people and your housekeeper is probably trying to kill you.
Lady Mary: You are either a beautiful gay man, or his gorgeous hag.
Lady Edith: You are your parents’ least favorite child.
Lady Sybil: You insist vanilla is a real ice cream flavor and believe dogs are people too.
Matthew Crawley: You sing really loudly when alone in your car. Be careful.
Tom Branson: You are either Catholic, or a teen girl. You are probably a Catholic teen girl.
Isobel Crawley: Your perfume smells like self-righteous justice and too many cats.
Lady Rose: You skipped seasons 1-3 and don’t know who Sybil is.
The Dowager Countess: You are a Downton poser. You saw half an episode on PBS once and now are just trying to sound British and fancy.
Mr. Carson: You meticulously schedule out bathroom breaks when on vacation at Disneyland because you’ve convinced yourself that you will optimize the amount of time left for “fun.”
Mrs. Hughes: People trust you with their HBO Go password.
Mrs. Patmore: You cheer with inappropriate vigor at children’s soccer games.
Daisy: You’re fun at parties, even when nobody knows you’re there.
Thomas Barrow: You tend to deflect your own self-hatred through humor.
Mrs. O’Brien: You think it’s fine to admit that some babies ugly.
Anna: You loyally see things through til the bitter end, even when you detest all of the idiots that surround you.
Mr. Bates: You are someone’s slutty British grandma.
Of course, I love each and every one of these characters and am am proud to say that I am any and/or all of the above.
Get excited, Americans! The season 5 U.S. premiere of Downton Abbey begins tonight, Sunday January 4th at 9pm on PBS.