10:00 am EDT, April 8, 2019

‘I Drink And I Know Things’: 35 Tyrion Lannister quotes offering wise advice

It's not easy being a know-it-all.

He’s the Game of Thrones character with the most intellect and the wisest advice, most known for his iconic “I drink and I know things” line. Here are the best Tyrion Lannister quotes to get you through life.

There are many great lines on Game of Thrones, and many intelligent characters, but none compare to Tyrion Lannister. He has both great lines and intellect, with helpful advice for all kinds of occasions. Take a look at the best Tyrion Lannister quotes to help get you through a trying time.

Tyrion Lannister quotes

  1. “Let me give you some advice, bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”
    – S01E01, “Winter is Coming”

    You don’t have to be a bastard for this one. You are what you are, never let anyone make you feel ashamed of it! Unless you’re the kind of bastard who’s a jerk, not the illegitimate child kind. You should definitely feel ashamed for being a jerk.
  2. “Schemes and plots are the same thing.”
    – S02E05, “The Ghost of Harrenhal”

    Putting that thesaurus to good use.
  3. “Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face.”
    – S06E02, “Home”

    If your friends ever have a stupid idea, feel free to punch them in the face but metaphorically, not literally.
  4. “Death is so final. Whereas life, ah, life is full of possibilities.”
    – S01E02 “The Kingsroad”

    The possibility of a Black Widow movie is what keeps me going.
  5. “Our people haven’t been friends in the past. But we must fight together now. Or die.”
    – S08E01, “Winterfell”

    Basically, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
  6. “What sort of imbecile arms an assassin with his own blade?”
    – S01E05, “The Wolf and the Lion”


    Helpful tip #1: When committing murder, do not use your own blade.

  7. “I try to know as many people as I can. You never know which one you’ll need.”
    – S03E02, “Dark Wings, Dark Words”

    It’s not using people, it’s just convenient friendships.
  8. “It’s even better luck to suck a dwarf’s cock.”
    – S05E03, “High Sparrow”

    But not without consent!
  9. “It’s been a long road, but we’re both still here.”
    – S07E03, “Queen’s Justice”

    Except Jon probably has a few less Air Miles than Tyrion.
  10. Shaggar: “How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?”
    Tyrion: “In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.”

    – S01E08, “The Pointy End”

  11. “You can’t fuck your way out of everything.”
    – S02E09, “Blackwater”


    But if one has a mind to, one can try.

  12. “Anyone named Desmond Crakehall must be a pervert.”
    – S03E10, “Mhysa”

    It’s an unsubstantiated fact, folks. Next time someone introduces themselves as Desmond Crakehall, vacate the area!
  13. “Not this time. We’ll be staying at the finest castles and inns. No one turns away a Lannister.”
    – S01E03, “Lord Snow”

    Helpful tip #2: Always use the name ‘Lannister’ and you’ll never be rejected from anything.
  14. “We still have to take King’s Landing. Maybe Cersei will win and kill us all. That would solve our problems.”
    – S08E04, “The Last of the Starks”

    Thank you for the very bleak advice, Tyrion.

  15. “A wise man once said the true history of the world is the history of great conversations in elegant rooms.”
    – S06E03, “Oathbreaker”

    Tyrion fails to mention that these great conversations follow and/or precede a big cinematic battle.
  16. “I remember reading an old sailor’s proverb, ‘Piss on wildfire and your cock burns off.'”
    – S02E05, “The Ghost of Harrenhal”

    Next time you go camping, pee careful.
  17. “If you’re going to be a cripple, it’s better to be a rich cripple.”
    – S01E03, “Lord Snow”

    Article Continues Below

    tyrion lannister quotes

    To be fair, a rich anything is always a better alternative.

  18. “Everything’s better with some wine in the belly.”
    – S01E02, “The Kingsroad”

    Depends on your definition of better. Ever tried writing an essay with a belly full of wine? You may find the writing process is better, but you’ll also find the result is most certainly not better.
  19. Sansa: “Bran has no interest in ruling, and he can’t father children.”
    Tyrion: “Good. Sons of kings can be cruel and stupid as you well know. His will never torment us. That is the wheel our queen wanted to break. From now on, rulers will not be born, they will be chosen, on this spot, by the lords and ladies of Westeros to serve the realm.”

    – S08E06, “The Iron Throne”

    Can you believe Tyrion Lannister invented democracy!?

  20. “You need to take your enemy’s side if you’re going to see things the way they do. And you need to see things the way they do if you’re going to anticipate their actions, respond effectively, and beat them.”
    – S07E06, “Beyond the Wall”

    We can sum this up with “Know your enemy.”
  21. “It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.”
    – S03E10, “Mhysa”

    But if it’s better, isn’t it easier? Hmm…
  22. “Listen to me. Sometimes possession is an abstract concept. When they captured me, they took my purse, but the gold is still mine.”
    – S01E06, “A Golden Crown”

    Does that mean Tyrion doesn’t believe in ‘finders keepers?’
  23. “You love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality. That and your cheekbones.”
    – S02E01, “The North Remembers”


    Remember kids, if you have good cheekbones, you can get away with anything.

  24. “The Northerners will never forget.”
    – S03E10, “Mhysa”

    That’s right, Canadians have memories like dolphins. Not that Canadians can recognize various whistling sounds, just that they remember a lot.
  25. “It’s hard to put a leash on a dog once you’ve put a crown on its head.”
    – S02E07, “A Man Without Honor”

    But dogs look so cute with crowns!
  26. “As a clever man once told me, “We make peace with our enemies, not our friends.”
    – S06E04, “Book of the Stranger”

    Does it count if he’s stealing lines from Littlefinger?
  27. “Many underestimated you. Most of them are dead now.”
    – S08E01, “Winterfell”

    Never underestimate anybody! Even that tiny squirrel could claw your eyes out!
  28. “Turns out, far too much has been written about great men and not nearly enough about morons. Doesn’t seem right.”
    – S04E08, “The Mountain and the Viper”

    That may not be entirely true. Just take a look at all the news coverage on a certain Republican Party primary candidate.
  29. “And a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.”
    – S01E02, “The Kingsroad”


    Helpful tip #3: Always have a book with you. Picture books are acceptable.

  30. “I think armies give you power.”
    – S03E10, “Mhysa”

    Guys, he might be on to something here.
  31. Daenerys: “I will have a very large army and very large dragons.”
    Tyrion: “Killing and politics aren’t always the same thing.”

    – S05E08, “Hardhome”

    So what is the truth?
  32. Tyrion: “Love is more powerful than reason. We all know that. Look at my brother.
    Jon: Love is the death of duty.”
    Tyrion: “You just came up with that?”
    Jon: “Maester Aemon said it a long time ago.”
    Tyrion: “Sometimes, duty is the death of love.”

    – S08E06, “The Iron Throne”

    Yes, sometimes when you do your duty on the throne it leaves a stench so large your lover dies.
  33. “I trust the eyes of an honest man more than I trust what everybody knows.”
    – S07E03, “Queen’s Justice”

    *Throws quote at hordes of people on the internet*
  34. “In my experience, eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles.”
    – S05E09, “The Dance of Dragons”

    We all know someone who tries to look smart by using big words but uses them incorrectly.
  35. “That’s what I do: I drink and I know things.”
    – S06E02, “Home”


What’s your favorite Tyrion Lannister quote?

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