Happy Heterosexual Pride Day! Wait, what?
Something weird happens every time society tries to celebrate the historically downtrodden. Every year on International Women’s Day, there’s a predictable chorus of “But when is Men’s Day?!” And every year, patient souls have to explain that every day is Men’s Day. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Same goes for Pride, the annual, worldwide celebration of the LGBTQIA+ community. It shouldn’t need to be said that non-heterosexual individuals have been subjected to a variated blend of persecution, mockery and dismissal since humans gained the capacity for cruelty, and we’re still a long way from the tolerance that any minority might rightfully demand in our supposed ‘modern’ society.
So there’s Pride, all over the world. Parades, movements, campaigns, and other attempts to celebrate and normalize non-straight sexualities. It’s wonderful.
Which is why #HeterosexualPrideDay, the hashtag that incomprehensibly climbed to the top of the Twitter trends on Wednesday morning, is ridiculous. Heterosexual Pride Day, which is actually a real thing, demands “equality” for straight people as though heterosexuality, the default, universally accepted sexuality, is somehow threatened for the sole reason that it’s no longer the only accepted sexuality. Adding insult to injury, it falls on 29 June — the second-to-last day of Pride Month.
Well, whatever. Maybe for a few minutes the hashtag served its actual purpose, but ever since then it’s been overrun with hilarious dismissals or mockeries by those who actually understand that ‘Pride’ is a term meant to combat the ‘shame’ the bigots try to use to repress this community.
Pride is for the oppressed. Not for the ones who oppress, nor for the ones who already have the freedom to love whom they choose to love.
So let’s celebrate #HeterosexualPrideDay the only way that actually makes sense — by laughing at it:
— arina (@pizzarinas) June 29, 2016
— Michaela Watkins (@michaelaWat) June 29, 2016
— Philip Lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) June 29, 2016
#heterosexualprideday? what y'all got to be proud about? dodge caravans? "the notebook?"
— hari nef (@harinef) June 29, 2016
— Kara (@KMoneyDaBoss) June 29, 2016
— Snapchat: Dapper29 (@dapperlaughs) June 29, 2016
Lord have mercy, #HeterosexualPrideDay? Okay. So, every day? Sun Came Up Day? Water is Wet Day? We Have Everyday Day? Bless Your Heart Day.
— Derrick (@geekandahalf) June 29, 2016
#HeterosexualPrideDay y'all so brave. must be hard being able to hold hands and kiss in public without getting attacked ?
— Tom Riddle (@gagasgrande) June 29, 2016
#Heterosexualprideday Because of the long fight to for heterosexual marriage to be recognised as legitimate
— end comment sections (@tauriqmoosa) June 29, 2016
— NEON MOON (@neonmoonco) June 29, 2016
I don't have anything against straight people. I just don't they they should force their lifestyles on the rest of us #HeterosexualPrideDay
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) June 29, 2016
— Chris Riotta (@chrisriotta) June 29, 2016
Can we just wrap all these white/straight/rich pride movements up into one "I'm Sad When Things Aren't About Me" day? #HeterosexualPrideDay
— (((Nash))) (@Nash076) June 29, 2016
— Lady Gaga (@KingLadyGaga) June 29, 2016
And, in case the message wasn’t clear, let’s finish on a slightly more somber note:
— elimin8_h8 Project (@elimin8_h8) June 29, 2016
So… happy not-a-thing day, everyone! And more importantly: Happy actually-a-thing, a.k.a. Pride Month.