9:00 am EST, January 12, 2014

The Sorting Hat: If the ‘Sherlock’ characters went to Hogwarts

We’ve sorted Sherlock into Hogwarts, because it’s fun and so why not?

Ever wonder what would happen if our favorite detective woke up on his eleventh birthday to find a magical letter from a magical owl promising to jet him off to a magical place where there’s magic? Now you don’t have to!

We’ve psycho-analyzed our favorite Sherlock characters from their darkest secrets to their deepest desires, and in conclusion we’ve assigned them to the respective Hogwarts house where we feel they would be most at home. So grab your magnifying glass and a bottle of Butterbeer, you wizarding sleuths, because it’s time to find out which of Sherlock’s friends (and enemies) you’d find yourself cozying up to in the Hogwarts common room.

While we’re at it, let’s give it up for “The Woman” aka Angelica Yap for all of the crazy-cool Sherlock images. The sorting hat would definitely place her in the house of awesome.

Sherlock series 3, episode 3 “His Last Vow” premieres in the U.K. tonight at 8:30 p.m. GMT. American viewers can catch the episode when the series returns later this month.

‘Sherlock’ meets ‘Harry Potter’

Sherlock Holmes—Ravenclaw


“I’m not a psychopath, Anderson; I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”—Sherlock Holmes

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Sherlock is a conundrum of a man: brilliant, yet lacking the ambition of power, before meeting John Watson his main motivation in life was simply to avoid boredom. And though he is still our favorite high-functioning sociopath, through John’s guidance and his growing friendships with the lovable Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, and Molly, Sherlock is learning to embrace humanity and all its quirks. A true original, Sherlock embraces the Ravenclaw sense of curiosity and thirst for the truth. He fears being seen as ordinary, and he relishes in proving he is the smartest man in the room.

John Watson—Gryffindor


“You’re under stress right now and your hand is perfectly steady. You’re not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson. You miss it.”—Mycroft Holmes

As shown in A Study in Pink, Watson is crippled by monotony and yearns for an adventure to get his blood boiling. It’s because of his adventurous spirit that he’s willing to put up with Sherlock’s condescending attitude and erratic behavior. Though Watson sometimes pretends to find Sherlock’s behavior grating, he actually gets a real kick from his pal’s antics, and like any real Gryffindor, Watson enjoys the feeling of superiority that comes from being “The Chosen One” amongst the piles of ordinary mortals his brilliant buddy has discarded. Determined, loyal, daring, brave, (and like all great Gryffindors, sometimes a little bit stupid), John sticks by Sherlock through thick and thin, refusing to believe the worst in his friend, even when the evidence is all tallied up against him.

Mrs. Hudson—Hufflepuff


“Family is all we have in the end, Mycroft Holmes.”—Mrs. Hudson

It’s probably a fair assumption to say that Mrs. Hudson is just about the most tolerant person in British history. She not only puts up with Sherlock’s ridiculous quirks — from midnight violin playing, to midday gunshot blasts — she embraces Sherlock and Watson as her own children, fussing over them unnecessarily and even despite Sherlock’s ambivalence. She is kind and inclusive, always seeing the best in her little sociopathic Sherlock and embracing his relationship with Watson. She’s patient and loyal, and although she occasionally can come off as ditzy, she proves she’s a strong woman in her own way, as seen in “A Scandal in Belgravia” when she hides Irene Adler’s phone for Sherlock, even as she is tortured by the men looking for it.

Mycroft Holmes—Slytherin


“Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don’t you think?”-Mycroft Holmes

Mycroft is quite the crafty devil. Perhaps the character most changed from his literary counterpart, Sherlock’s Mycroft is calculating, ambitious, and determined. While Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s depiction of Mycroft was a man with all of Sherlock’s intellect and none of his drive, Mark Gatiss’ Mycroft has used his superior deduction skills to further his ambitions within the British government. He’s more powerful than even first implied, as we found out in “The Hounds of Baskerville.” He uses his cunning to serve his own purposes, and though he’s obviously self-interested, he’s still a traditionalist, valuing the importance of keeping an eye on his little brother (even when he doesn’t want it), and tolerating his parents by taking them to the opera.

On Page 2: We sort Lestrade, Moriarty, Irene Adler, Molly Hooper and Mary Morstan

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