That willingness to sacrifice herself is one of the parallels to the episode “Melinda,” which is really the only other time we’ve gotten to see a more vulnerable May. Did you feel like you were making an emotional callback to that episode?
With the Bahrain episode, it was easier, only because it was pre-Agent May, “The Cavalry,” as we know her. She was able to be more emotional and vulnerable.
With this one, we had to find a different level of when she could show her emotions, and when she is at her most vulnerable. We played each scene with three or four different levels of where she was at, and then I was just curious how they were gonna edit it together. It was kind of fun to see that they really restrained her quite a bit, even at her most vulnerable.
And at the same time, I was like, “Oh, but there was such a great moment between Blair and I in the scene where I was chained up!” It’s an odd thing for an actor to kind of watch it so close to it having been shot, that I remember all the stuff that we did. But the audience seemed to really have taken to seeing [May] break down a bit toward the end, there.
“Chaos Theory” was a change of pace, not just in it’s psychology, but also in that May had very little action to perform. What did that feel like for you to perform?
In a way, I felt like I was doing a very different episode. Because she really wasn’t on-mission, we had a lot of flashback scenes where they were on the beach, and there was such a truly human aspect to this episode, and I enjoyed it. And I had so many lines! That was odd! [laughs] Normally May doesn’t say very much! Yeah, the only physical thing I had to do was struggle against those damn handcuffs — that was about it!
May’s confession that she doesn’t feel that she deserves happiness is a pretty big piece of her puzzle. How did you feel about that revelation?
I think she’s still that wounded soldier with post-traumatic stress, where she feels that she has done something horrific, that she can’t forgive herself for still, to this day — which is the incident in Bahrain. And I think her sense of self-worth is in constantly trying to do things in her life to either alleviate that guilt, or make herself feel like, at least I am paying back for what I have done, I’m atoning for that particular sin that she feels she has done, out of necessity. But I think in not being able to heal from it, she going to constantly put herself down in that sense — what she has done, or what she’s able to do.
Which is interesting, because I think it’s also her driving force — to always protect her S.H.I.E.L.D. family and to protect the ones that she loves from experiencing similar situations. That’s why I think she goes to Bobbi, and tries to encourage her, tell her that look — you’ve gotta get back in the field. You’ve got to get your sense of confidence back, because that’s who you are, and you deserve to be your whole self.
That’s really interesting, because it’s when May is at her happiest, in Hawaii, that she’s most willing to leave S.H.I.E.L.D.
And she felt such happiness that she felt guilty about being happy, you know? And at the same time, she was willing to give up S.H.I.E.L.D., she was willing to give it a try, because for the first time in her life there was a sense of stillness and calmness, and just joy. And unfortunately it was short-lived!
Even the hug with Daisy illustrated how beaten down she is.
[Laughs] It was the most awkward hug! Simmons has hugged her, and then Daisy has hugged her — and I just love how I have to react as May to their hugs, because that would totally not be me! I hug everybody! It’s so funny to watch her be so uncomfortable with a hug — but she appreciates it! But it’s like, “Don’t do that again.”
“Or at least warn me first!”
Yeah! Yeah!
How do you think May feels about Andrew now? Is it possible that she’ll give up on him?
No, not at all! Because in the end, when she asks Daisy what she thought about the whole [thing with] keeping them in stasis, that was her sense of hope — that maybe they will find a cure, and she will have her Andrew back. So she is keeping that hope alive, and I think that’s why she made that decision, as hard as it was, because it was either that or putting him down.
(x)
And when she shot at him, that was definitely a choice she had already made, without knowing what the consequences was. But now she has a chance, and she took it.
That’s such a classic May development — that her self-sacrifice involves hurting the person she most wants to keep safe.
And the fact that she doesn’t feel like she’s able to share her pain with anyone, you know? Or that she even wants to. She goes off and is just on her own, and dealing with what she decided, and dealing with the memories of what could have been. I think she needs some therapy, but she’s not willing to think it out yet. I think she really believes that… she’s so damaged in a way, that the easiest way to deal with it is to just compartmentalize it, and just focus on the next mission.
Speaking of the “next mission,” can you tease a little of what we can expect as the first part of the season wraps up?
For the winter midseason finale, again, my jaw dropped. Because there is such a huge twist that happens, so the only thing I can say is that it alters a lot of stuff. I don’t know how the writers do it!
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 3×08, “Many Heads, One Tale,” airs Tuesday, Nov. 17 at 9:00 p.m. on ABC.
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