It’s back to school time, and as any good fandom enthusiast knows, homework and bullies can be the very least of your worries.
School is a place of learning and development, a place to cultivate interests and solidify dreams. But it’s also a place full of monsters and murderers.
Consider this your definitive guide to surviving school. No matter the problem, no matter the stakes, if you follow these rules, you’re bound to survive high school long enough to fight for your life all over again when you head to college.
Have a healthy, well-balanced start to your day*
*Must be at least 21 years old or an ageless, immortal being to purchase or consume alcoholic beverages
Never answer a phone call from an unknown number
Befriend the leader of your local motorcycle gang
Become a pragmatist
Follow your instincts
Always have a weapon at hand
Be aware of your surroundings
Adhere to the laws of horror movies
Don’t piss off any mutants
— X-Men Movies (@XMenMovies) August 23, 2016
Realize that your life is more important than your homework
Play to your strengths
Literally just never go to a school dance
Learn to sleep anywhere and under any condition
Try not to piss off a serial killer
Admit when you’re afraid
Learn how to sweet talk your teachers
Befriend a superhero, even if they act a little… weird
Live your life one day at a time