See them walking on all fours across your screens. Your head turns as they eat and bleat, they’re so cute. Goats on film!
What has horizontal pupils, can scale mountain cliffs as if gravity doesn’t exist, can have no horns or eight horns, and are very intelligent and curious? If you guessed goats, you are correct (don’t go feeling too proud though, the answer was in the headline after all).
If you weren’t aware, according to Chinese zodiac, 2015 is the year of the goat! Well, technically it’s the sheep, but goat and ram fall under that. Whether coincidence or not, goats are making many appearances in our favorite programs this year. Enough cats and dogs, it’s about time the real star animals get some recognition on screen!
Goats have been in big blockbusters as early as 1993, and have consistently shown up in other hit movies and television shows since, culminating in at least three appearances in November alone. The television and film industries are recognizing that goats really do make everything better, so here are some goats on film and television that really made a mark.
‘Jurassic Park’ (1993)
The poor goat in Jurassic Park doesn’t stand a chance. It’s clear the goat is toast (or rather, it’s goast?) the moment it appears on screen. But it isn’t without necessity.
Without Goast, there wouldn’t be one of the most suspenseful and riveting scenes in film history. Without Goast, how can the T-rex make such a grand entrance? Without Goast, the T-rex might try harder to eat the kids, and succeed! As unfortunate as it is, Goast must be sacrificed for the greater good, and that greater good is good entertainment.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe’ (2005)’
The first faun on this list is Narnia‘s Mr. Tumnus. For many of us, it was our first introduction to James McAvoy, and it’s possible you shamefully wondered why you felt attracted to a goat (even if he’s only half goat).
Rather than dwell on the possible bestiality implications though, what’s really important is that Mr. Tumnus is a wonderful creature-person, and is very kind to little Lucy. He gives goats a good name, despite his deceit to Lucy and almost treachery. It is, after all, almost treachery. He can’t bring himself to actually kidnap Lucy because he feels terrible at the thought, which makes him all the more endearing.
‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ (2006)
An altogether different kind of faun, Pan is possibly one of the most memorable goats. The giant horns, high forehead, milky eyes, and sinister gait are hardly forgettable.
Despite being fairly neutral in the grand scheme of the film (as in, not villainous), it’s hard not to be scared or uncomfortable by him. Everything about Pan screams danger, even if he never actually harms Ofelia. This is certainly a goat of the not-cuddly variety.
‘Stardust’ (2007)
One of the funniest goat related moments on screen is brought to you by Stardust. The witch Lamia needs transport quickly, but she doesn’t use her powers to conjure up a horse or a magic broom. Lamia stumbles upon a goat and his boy, and after turning the boy into a goat, she leashes both goats to a cart and has them pull her along like a horse-drawn carriage (dignity not included).
She later turns both goats into humans. It’s great for the boy (well maybe not so great, because he’s then turned into a woman, though he doesn’t seem displeased about it), but not great for the goat. Poor Billy the Goat makes for quite an awkward human.
‘Community’ (2010)
Abed wants to have a college experience like in the movies, and one of the college clichés is to steal another school’s mascot. City College is Greendale’s rival school, and their mascot is, you guessed it, a goat named Billy. Yet another Billy the goat. This white, majestic goat even gets to sit in on one of the group’s study sessions, in Pierce’s place. Perhaps some viewers even wish Billy would permanently replace Pierce…
Unfortunately though, despite fitting in quite well with the group (Britta so isn’t funny, right?), they need an escape goat, and Billy has to return to City College.
Taylor Swift ‘Mean’ (2011)
Even Taylor Swift got in on the goat action! Wait, let’s rephrase that. Even Taylor Swift uses goats! Nope, not much better. There is a goat in a Taylor Swift music video! There we go.
Goat Swift makes a brief but important appearance in the 35 second mark of the Mean music video. In case it isn’t clear enough that Taylor starts from humble farm beginnings before ‘living in a big old city,’ Goat Swift has a moment to shine. Because obviously nothing screams ‘farm’ more clearly than a goat. It can only be assumed that Goat Swift is not given more screen time because he would have outshone Taylor. Goat Swift need not worry though, viewers know just how talented he is.
Related: Wild goat named Voldemort chases a boy up a tree
‘Harry Potter’ (2011)
Even Harry Potter can’t resist a great goat. The film may not put much emphasis on it, but the book fills in the details nicely. Aberforth Dumbledore has a real fondness for goats. He’s said to look like a goat. His patronus is a goat. It’s also known that he magically tampered with a goat at least once. But no more need be said on that topic.
What it comes down to is this: We can all thank Aberforth for allowing us to see that little bleating cutie pie before the Harry Potter series ended.
On page 2: The goat that stole audience’s hearts, a goat massacre, and more!
‘Vikings’ (2014)
A goat in the setting of Vikings isn’t abnormal. In fact, goats are seen more than a few times throughout the show. But what really sticks with audiences is Ragnar’s adoration of them. He just can’t seem to resist their cuteness. One particularly memorable goat moment appears in season 2.
When Ragnar’s ex-wife and new wife attend a dinner with him, things get unsurprisingly awkward. This uncomfortableness is immensely felt by Ragnar, who grabs the nearest fluffy goat and cuddles it. There’s hardly anything funnier than seeing a grown man, a big, strong, viking for that matter, terrified by two women, and cradling a small goat like a child with a plush toy. It’s as if his two moms are disciplining him for sneaking a cookie, and he’s trying to gain pity by looking as cute and innocent as possible in the hopes of not getting grounded.
‘Game of Thrones’ (2014)
There are many mentions and appearances of goats in Game of Thrones but one of the most memorable goat moments is actually quite tragic. It’s Game of Thrones, of course it’s tragic.
Daenerys’ most rebellious dragon, Drogon, burns an entire flock of goats, and only takes one away with him to presumably eat. Why is he killing them all and only taking one? It’s a waste! Regardless, these goats’ only purpose are as pawns for Drogon’s character development, to show us how rebellious and dangerous he is. Evidently the goats are the Starks of the farm animals: They all die to further someone else’s story.
‘The Walking Dead’ (2015)
The Walking Dead did as The Walking Dead does. It made viewers everywhere fall in love with a character just to swiftly kill them off. The character in question this time is Tabitha, better known by her full name, Tabitha the goat.
It’s a shock to see such an innocent, average creature just chilling in the grass in the midst of an apocalypse. Once the shock wears off though, it’s hard not to fall for her. Even Morgan, during a dark stage in life, can’t resist her cuteness. When she brutally loses her life, there was mourning across the globe. Your time with us may have been short, Tabitha, but you will forever be missed.
Related: Walking Dead fans react hilariously to Tabitha the goat
‘Scream Queens’ (2015)
Of course Scream Queens would have a random goat in an episode. Is there anything this show doesn’t do? Is there anything Chad doesn’t do? Don’t answer that. Moving on!
Scream Queens, and Ryan Murphy shows in general, tend to address hot topics of the moment. Whether it’s serious issues like parents who won’t vaccinate their children, or silly subjects like shipping, Ryan Murphy’s shows don’t stray away from what’s important, from what viewers want to see. It was only a matter of time, then, that goats would make an appearance. It’s just unfortunate that poor Rammy has to spend her time with Chad.
‘The Leftovers’ (2015)
The goat slaughtering trend continues with The Leftovers, which spares no goat for the greater good of the town. At least, they think it’s for the greater good. There’s a superstitious notion that whatever people did the day of the first departure somehow prevented them from disappearing, so they keep doing those things. Apparently Jerry killed a goat that day, so now Jerry regularly kills goats, and the townspeople hardly give a bleat.
But what’s Jerry going to do when the goats run out? He mustn’t sacrifice them faster than they can reproduce, else there won’t be any left. What’s more, perhaps Jerry could just not kill goats at all, because not only does it leave quite a mess, there’s no evidence to suggest it even works. Bring out the P.O.G.G.S. (Protection Of Goat Survival Society)!
‘Krampus’ (2015)
Not all goats are friendly or victims though. Just in time for the holiday season, at least one goat will refuse to be a victim.
This horror film is based on Krampus, the anti-Saint Nicholas from German folklore. Large, hooved, with big horns, Krampus is a demon-goat type creature. While Santa brings gifts to children who have behaved all year, Krampus punishes those who have misbehaved. Evidently, he brings evil-spirited gifts that try to kill you.
Merry Christmas everyone!