After that emotional roller coaster, we head back to McKinley, where Kitty invites Marley to her ‘Left Behind’ club, in order to prepare for the Apocalypse. “It’s a fact that the Book of Revelations predicted Twitter,” Kitty insists, citing the other six signs of the Apocalypse as porn, unexplainable weather anomalies, Martian rovers, Barney Frank, and MSNBC. Jake rolls his eyes about Kitty’s cray-cray belief in the End Times, but the pair, along with most of the glee club, Santana, and some other randoms, attend the meeting at Breadstix. Kitty begins to rant about the return of Jesus and the Rapture and when she describes the true believers being lifted up to Heaven, Dottie (yeah, her) asks what will happen to those who are still kind of on the fence about the whole Armageddon thing. Kitty tricks her into leaving the room, and while she is gone, makes the gathered group stage a fake Rapture by laying out abandoned clothes, and then hiding when Dottie returns. Dottie believes that the Rapture has taken place and begins to scream, when Kitty bursts out and reveals the trick, saying that’s why they must all become true believers. Dottie starts to have a panic attack, and everyone says Kitty has gone too far. Marley leaves, though Jake begs her not to, but she tells him that she does not like Kitty and cannot believe that Jake wants to date her.
Santana also disapproves of the antics and tries to take Brittany home, saying that the club is not good for her, but Brittany, distressed, refuses to leave, stating that being left behind sucks. When Santana points out that it was a stupid prank, Brittany very seriously tells Santana she doesn’t get it – that being left behind hurts. “You left me behind, and it hurt,” Brittany tells her girlfriend, showing her the hyperventilating Dottie. “That’s exactly what it felt like.”
Finn has returned to McKinley, and surprises Mr. Schuester in his office. At first, the inappropriate BFFs hug and it’s all smiles, but as Will starts to question Finn about what’s been going on, Finn is at a loss and eventually breaks down in Will’s arms and begins to cry. He hangs around at school and haunts the choir room, and after an awkward interaction with Blaine where Finn weakly asks why Blaine would have done that to Kurt and Blaine just as weakly replies that he doesn’t know, the rest of the club files in and greets Finn ecstatically – including Sam, who according to Chord Overstreet, is still living at Finn’s house. There’s a hysterical background moment of New Puck asking Marley if she knows who that guy is, and Marley shrugging just as confusedly. As the lesson begins and Finn sits by to watch, Mr Schue starts throwing around ideas for a new school musical – one that won’t cause a Rocky Horror-like community outrage. Finn thoughtfully suggests Grease, and gives a list of reasonable points about why it would be appropriate and enjoyed by all. Everyone backs the idea, and both Schue and Finn himself look happily taken aback by Finn’s stroke of genius – he was certainly never this proactive with ideas when actually in New Directions.
In his home, Schue brings Emma some good news – he’s been offered the position on the Blue Ribbon Panel to Improve Arts Education – full name included in case you tuned out last episode, because his plot line is boring. Emma is thrilled for him, but the mood soon turns sour when Schue gets very assumptive about Emma coming with him. When she objects, reminding him of her own job, he points out her tenured position, but she clarifies – she isn’t worried about losing her job, she wants to keep doing her job and not sit alone in a motel room all day while Will blue ribbons or panels or whatever he’s going to be doing. Will doesn’t think what he’s asking is particularly crazy. “So you thought I’d just pop the champagne, follow you around like an obedient little puppy dog?” Yes, Emma. Yes, he did.
At Vogue, Kurt has received another huge bunch of flowers, accompanied by a note begging for forgiveness and a drawing of Blaine literally in a doghouse. He reads it and sighs as a kind male co-worker comments on the flowers, saying someone’s either got a crush or trying to make up for something. When Kurt says it’s the latter, the co-worker offers sympathy and offers to cover for Kurt if he needs to go “binge-shopping.” Kurt gathers his resolve and says no, he’ll be okay. He drops Blaine’s note into the trash.
Santana brings Brittany to the choir room to talk. “Sophomore year, I used to sit in this back row and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you’d smile at me, and I’d die on days that you didn’t.” Alright, tears kicking in now, thinking about that crazy ball of anger that was this girl in season 1, secretly dealing with all of this. Santana goes on to say how much she misses the place, how it’s where she and Brittany fell in love. She needs to tell Brittany something she doesn’t know how to say. All of her statements have such a weird cadence to them that it sounds like she’s reciting a poem – so much so that I looked the text up to see if she was reciting the intro to a song or something. But no, just a bit of odd, rhythmic delivery. Anyway, she sits Brittany down and sings Taylor Swift’s “Mine,” and apparently I now understand the appeal of Taylor Swift, you just need to turn her into a crying Naya Rivera. Brittany weeps at the end, saying that it had made her sad and she doesn’t want to be sad. Santana matter-of-factly tells Brittany that she hasn’t been a good girlfriend and that she doesn’t want to be like other long distance couples where things get weird and they break up. Both girls swear they would never cheat on each other, but Santana admits that she had noticed another girl noticing her, and enjoyed the ‘energy exchange.’ She says the same may happen to Brittany, and that’s okay, but she implores Brittany to do the mature thing with her and admit that long distance relationships are almost impossible to maintain, because both people are rarely getting what they need. She says it’s not an official break-up, but Brittany says it feels a lot like one. “You know I will always love you the most,” Santana tells her, and my face crumples much like Brittany’s does. This is horrible, this is just horrible, and I know they’re doing it to make room for a Brittany/Sam thing – the worst possible pairing in the history of the show. Glee, I hate you.
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