8:30 am EST, March 20, 2019

‘American Gods’ quotes: The good, the great, and the NSFW

American Gods season 2 is shaping up to be another quotable season. With that in mind, here are the best American Gods quotes from the series so far.

The conversations in American Gods range from deep examinations on the value of worship and belief in modern society to hilarious jabs at Shadow Moon’s seeming ignorance of the facts set before him.

If you’re looking to display some of the more memorable American Gods quotes, you will be hard pressed to find a few that are completely safe for work. However, they would make great throw pillows or cross-stitches for your home.

While decorative items are great, the delivery of many of these American Gods quotes are tied intrinsically to the scenes themselves. The words set on the page by Neil Gaiman in his novel are elevated by the actors either repeating them verbatim or a version of them in the episodes. Take Mr. Nancy’s speech in season 1, episode 2. Nothing can compare to watching Orlando Jones deliver his speech to the prisoners aboard the slave ship headed for America.

Here we present our favorite American Gods quotes from season 1 and season 2. Check back as we will be updating this post as American Gods season two continues on Starz.

‘American Gods’ quotes

American Gods quotes

1×01, “The Bone Orchard”

Technical Boy: Is that all? [coughing] Wednesday is history. Forgotten and old. He should just let it happen. We are the future, and we don’t give a fuck about him or anyone else like him anymore. They are consigned to the dumpster. Now we have reprogrammed reality. Language is a virus. Religion, an operating system, and prayers are just so much fucking spam.
Shadow: You’re saying all this like I’m supposed to know what the fuck you’re talking about.

1×02, “The Secret of Spoons”

Shadow: I think I’m losing my mind.
Wednesday: Well, when will you know for sure?

Mr. Nancy: He’s gettin’ angry. Angry is good. Angry gets shit done.

1×03, “Head Full of Snow”

Wednesday: [America] is the only country in the world that wonders what it is.

Wednesday: The world is either crazy or you are. They’re both solid options. Take your pick, and when you decide, come and tell me. But don’t rush into it. Take your time. Difficult decision.

Shadow: They threatened to reprogram reality. Is that what this is? Are they just fucking with my head? Are you fucking with my head?

Wednesday: There are bigger sacrifices one might be asked to make than going a little mad.

Shadow: None of this feels real. It feels like a dream.

Wednesday: What a beautiful, beautiful thing to be able to dream when you’re not asleep. I’ve crossed enough paths to know that one in four people are rock stupid. Even the smart ones have got some kind of delusion they believe in, whether it’s gods or ghosts. Do you believe in love?

Shadow: Yeah, I believe the shit out of love.

1×04, “Git Gone”

Audrey: Get out of my house you zombie whore!

Mr. Ibis: Many is the man who would take any version of his lost love rather than leave his love lost. He will say thank you to whatever god sent you back to him.

1×05, “Lemon Scented You”

Media: It’s not our fault they found other ways to occupy their time.
Wednesday: That’s all you do, occupy their time. We gave back. We gave them meaning.
Mr. World: Then give it to them again.

American Gods 1x05 old new

Wednesday: Inside every pearl there’s a single irritating grain of sand. That’s me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. Just like an oyster, you’re trying to cover me up with something smooth and shiny. Pretty on a necklace, but inside the shell, that slimy thing just wants that scratchy thing out of there. You say merger? I hear exile.
Media: It’s not our fault they found other ways to occupy their time.
Wednesday: That’s all you do, occupy their time. We gave back. We gave them meaning.
Mr. World: Then give it to them again.

1×06, “A Murder of Gods”

Mad Sweeney: Your heart’s not beating for this life anymore dead wife. This life is done.
Laura: Only felt my heart beat one time since I died. When I kissed Shadow.

1×07, “A Prayer for Mad Sweeney”

Mad Sweeney: I was a king once… Then they made me a bird. Then mother church came along and turned us all into saints and trolls and fairies. General Mills did the rest.
Laura: So what’s the appeal? What’s Wednesday selling at this God fest that you gotta get a ticket?
Mad Sweeney: …War.

Essie: In the Americas, anyone can be anything they insist upon. New name, new life. That’s a place a body could be happy.
Mad Sweeney: What the fuck is happy?
Essie: Fucked if I know.

1×08, “Come to Jesus”

Wednesday: People create gods when they wonder why things happen. Do you know why things happen? Because gods make them happen. You wanna know how to make good things happen? Be good to your god. You give a little, you get a little. The simplicity of that bargain has always been appealing. That’s why we’re here, and that’s precisely why I matter.

american gods 1x08 shadow wednesday

Shadow: Did you always believe?
Jesus: Did I always believe? I am belief, Shadow. I don’t know how not to believe.
Shadow: I don’t think I know how to. I think I maybe don’t really believe. I don’t really believe any of this. And maybe everything that’s happened so far is just some kind of vivid dream. And I don’t even know if I can believe that.
Jesus: Even if you don’t believe, you cannot travel in any other way then the road your senses show you. You must walk that road to the end.

2×01, “House on the Rock”

Mr. Nancy: It’s a motherfucking fortune from a motherfucking wax dummy, dummy.

American Gods 2x01 Shadow alone

Laura: Want to try your luck?
Mad Sweeney: All my luck is yours, dead wife.

Mr. Nancy: Time for a story! Because sometimes, people need reminding of things.

2×02, “The Beguiling Man”

Shadow’s Mother: Be polite, respectful. Feel the hate and the pain. Let it make you stronger, no matter how dark the world gets your light will always be shining. Where is your coin?

Bilquis: Love and war may sit on opposite sides of a coin, but only so they may never meet.

American Gods season 2 airs new episodes Sundays at 8:00 p.m. ET on Starz.

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