Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt season 2 premiered on Friday, and it brought us a myriad of colorfully ridiculous Titus Andromedon quotes.
Whether it was from Kimmy’s eternal optimism, Titus’ eternal pessimism, or Jacqueline’s eternal First World Problems, the Netflix series had us ROFLing with the best of them as we binge-watched every single one of the 13 episodes.
With now classic lines like, “Hashbrown no filter,” and, “You’re kind, and you’re funny, and both our names mean penis,” season 2 had a lot to live up to.
And boy did it live up to it. Here are our favorite Titus quotes from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt season 2.
‘Au revoir, les Felicieuses.’
Only Titus could make “Bye, Felicia” even funnier than it already is. This was a quick line near the top of episode 1, but if you caught it, you probably ended up laughing through the rest of the scene.
‘You people don’t know the meaning of the word sensuali-Titus-travaganza.’
And neither do we. But that’s okay. Titus has his own gravitational pull, and we’re just happy we got caught up in it. Pearls before swine, indeed.
‘How late do you think we’re gonna be out?’
‘Midnight Eastern Gay Time, which is 3 a.m.’
Mikey is freaking out about their date because he doesn’t know what’s to be expected of him. Titus is calm as a cucumber when he delivers this line, in typical fashion.
‘I feezed on him, Lillian. That’s a food sneeze.’
Okay, but real talk. Who hasn’t eaten something so spicy they ended up sneezing? Maybe you never had the horror of doing that all over your date, but Titus doesn’t need to worry about Mikey. He’s in it for the long haul, feezes and all.
‘Until recently I couldn’t even have a late husband, so #RespectMyJourney.’
Lillian thinks her problems are bad, but she’s got nothing on Titus. #TruthBomb.
‘They’re just prejudiced because I can’t rap or walk quickly in a circle.’
Any Hamilton reference gets an automatic pass in our book. It was bound to happen since the Broadway show has become such a sensation, but it’s too bad this was the only line we got. Maybe Lin-Manuel Miranda can guest star in season 3?
‘When Samuel L. Jackson asks what’s in my wallet, the answer is ketchup packets.’
Titus is desperate to get a new tape tower so he and Kimmy can file away their brand new Now That Sounds Like Music compilation. But when he goes to the store and it’s clear they don’t make them anymore, he balks at the idea of purchasing one online.
‘I blame Ellen DeGeneres for this.’
Mikey comes out to his family and instead of it causing a huge dramatic scene like Titus was hoping for, his family is loving and accepting, and his dad hugs him right there at the dinner table. Ellen makes the world a better place.
‘I can’t think that far ahead. I don’t even know how this sentence is going to end volcano.’
At some point Titus needs to stop sabotaging himself and do something to make all his dreams come true. And with Mikey’s support, it sounds like that time is now.
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