For TV Night, DWTS was joined by the Muppets – and judging by the lackluster episodes of both shows last week, the combo was more than the sum of its parts. Miss Piggy was Tom’s co-host in the intro, and we thought she did a good job!
We saw one of the raciest opening numbers yet by the women of DWTS. In response, some of the guys gyrated 40 minutes later, which was appreciated by Miss Piggy (who kissed Derek all over… and we kinda ship it). Season 19 winner Alfonso Ribeiro was a guest judge this week, for reasons unknown, and he did a surprisingly good job – talking more about the actual dancing than some of the actual judges.
Kim suffered a mini-stroke last week, and was unable to board a plane and get back to DWTS. Tony performed their planned I Dream of Genie samba with Troupe member Jenna. Per the DWTS rules (which seem flexible based on how much the producers want a star to stick around), Kim was forced to withdraw from the competition, leaving in 11h place and saving the other stars from elimination.
So, let’s welcome our TV-inspired stars!
First Place (tie), 36 points: Alexa & Mark. Mark is obsessed with Breaking Bad, and channeled his crazy genius into a show-stopping jazz routine. He excels at high-concept productions, and this was one of his best, full of eerie setting and awesome lifts, done in the least flattering costumes ever seen on DWTS. Alfonso laid down some tough love about Alexa doubling down on her partnership with Mark (and not focusing on her husband), which was sorely needed. Side note: Never has a bag of rhinestones been so creepy.
First Place (tie), 36 points: Nick & Sharna. Nick performed an elegant Viennese waltz themed around Downton Abbey, and despite being very frustrated in rehearsal, his performance was excellent – both from a theatrical and technical standpoint. He was so excited upon receiving nines, he broke the glass he was holding – “Mazel tov!” Sharna shattered all our illusions when she assured him, “It’s just dance!” Wait, so the stakes here aren’t life and death? We feel cheated!
Second Place (tie), 33 points: Alek & Lindsay. Everything about this segment was delightful! Alek had to do a tango to the True Blood theme, but apparently has never felt sexy before. Lindsay decided to remedy that by playing DWTS Matchmaker: Forcing Alek to ask girls out, and getting him a date with her BFF Jenna. The tango was a very impressive routine, though Alek looked like he occasionally struggled to keep up with the speed and precision. But our favorite thing about this was Lindsay’s outfit: A dress giving the illusion of a bloody torso. Well done, costume department!
Second Place (tie), 33 points: Tamar & Val. Our resident pain in the ass and Val quarreled their way to an angry tango themed around Mad Men. Literally everyone on the show is telling Tamar to stop fighting with Val, not that she’ll listen. It must be a rude awakening for Val, who’s had fierce chemistry with most of his prior partners, to have zero chemistry with a partner.
Third Place, 32 points: Bindi & Derek. Allowances must be made, because Bindi had to switch songs mid-week and only had two days for this routine, but it was barely a quickstep. There was very little body contact, and more than half the routine was out of hold (a big no-no in the quickstep that Len would’ve had a field day with, but other judges ignored). Bindi’s foot is slightly injured, so hopefully that does not become a bigger problem.
Fourth Place (tie), 31 points: Carlos & Witney. “Old hair, young hips,” which may be our new team name for the couple, did a charming number to the Golden Girls’ “Thank You For Being a Friend.” We enjoyed the irony that the couple’s combined age is lower than any of the golden girls’. We couldn’t figure out which dance style this was supposed to be – according to Wikipedia, it was jazz, which sounds plausible. There was some friction during rehearsal over Carlos having issues submitting to authority (this writer relates!), which could cause issues down the road.
Fourth Place (tie), 31 points: Andy & Allison. The overworked singer did a quickstep themed around something called American Bandslam – something this writer’s never even heard of. The dance had good footwork, considering how difficult the dance is, though the posture was not great. We wonder, though: Why don’t celebrities ever wait until their crazy music tours are finished before committing to DWTS? Seems like it would work out better for everyone.
Fifth Place, 30 points: Hayes & Emma. The teenage mutant ninja Viner had a fall from grace this week, as his off week coincided with everyone else upping their game. His jive was okay, but there was not too much actual jiving, and his feet were not pointed when need be. Is he going to wear Converse for every dance? To be fair, however, it cannot be easy dancing with a shell on one’s back.
Sixth Place, 25 points: Garey & Anna. The only reason to watch this was to see Anna as Morticia in an Addams Family tango… but that’s a pretty good reason.
Last Place, 20 points: Paula & Louis. Per Bruno, “The samba got stranded by the shipwreck” of Gilligan’s Island… and by Paula’s utter lack of talent. She messed up the promenade runs, and the whole thing derailed. That said, this number was fun – it appears Louis has given up hope of decent dances, and is now just having fun with the theme. Paula is too tired to rehearse, and then brought up some abandonment issues in dress rehearsal that may be worth exploring.
Do you want Miss Piggy to co-host DWTS? Would you date Alek? And which TV show do you want represented on DWTS’ next TV Night?
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