He set fire to the bread, and then threw it at Katniss’ head. How awesome is that?
Yesterday, the incredibly thoughtful
yet deeply misguided Hypable staffer Karen Rought tried to sway you over to the dark Gale side. And she made some valid points. Sure, Gale is a brawny family-man who strongly resembles Thor, but at the end of the day, there’s only one little doughboy we want to take home to mama.
Fictional boyfriends are a complicated business, whether his name is Edward Cullen, or Zack Morris, or even Severus Snape (if you’re into that sort of thing) because we end up projecting so much of our life’s expectations onto them. Why can’t real-life guys be sociopaths with great hair like Zack Morris? Why can’t real-life guys be skin-sparkling insomniacs who passive-aggressively pressure us into marriage like Edward Cullen? Why can’t real-life guys be insecure professors who call us nasty names because they sort-of-inadvertently murdered our family due to peer pressure like Snape?
Just kidding. These fictional boyfriends are horrible. But Peeta isn’t. He puts them all to shame. So here are 22 reasons why we find ourselves falling in love with a fictional character, despite our better judgment telling us it can only lead to heartbreak. One-sided heartbreak. Because, you know, Peeta’s not real. Except in our hearts.
LAST CHANCE: SPOILERS from ‘Catching Fire’ and ‘Mockingjay’ ahead.
1) He bakes.
With Peeta as your boyfriend, you can eat bread every day, and that’s great because bread is delicious. You’re also pretty much set for every major milestone in your life: i.e. you will always have the best birthday cakes.
2) So he has strong baking arms.
To hold you while you cry at night. Or to toss you over his shoulder like a sack of flour. He would ask permission first, he’s polite that way.
3) He’s kind.
Kindness is by far the most underrated quality in human beings. If you’ve got a good heart, you’ve got it all.
In our essential Harry Potter life-lessons, Sirius Black taught us that the quality of a man is judged not by how he treats his equals, but how he treats his inferiors, and Peeta can’t help but show compassion for his friends as well as his adversaries. His kind heart is on full display in Catching Fire, as he cradles the Morphling woman on the beach, soothing her into death with stories of his painting’s beautiful colors.
4) He’s witty.
Witty is the best kind of funny because it means you’re secretly smart too, but kind of too classy to openly brag about your brains.
5) He keeps it real.
His mom is like, “Yah, you’re probs going to die,” and he’s just like, “Dude. I know.”
6) He likes the color orange.
7) He can keep a secret.
Which is a pretty useful quality if you work for the CIA and/or are a season behind on Game of Thrones.
8) He’s artsy.
Artsy guys consistently have groupies because they’re totally hot, and totally sensitive, and they aren’t afraid to openly weep when in the presence of Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night,’ because the world is so, so beautiful, and so are you. The way your blue eyes shine put those Georgia stars to shame tonight. That’s not a lie.
9) He’s determined.
So sober up, Haymitch. Peeta don’t mess around. He’s in it to win it.
10) He’s a leader, not a follower.
His beautiful speeches. His charisma. The kid sure knows how to work a room and best of all he uses his powers for good, not evil.
11) But he still likes strong women.
He doesn’t mind if you wear the pants. He thinks it’s hot actually. So go be an independent woman you hot mama you.
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