Avengers: Infinity War left your favorite Marvel characters with much to think about for their 2019 New Year’s resolutions.
2018 was a tough year for some of our Marvel heroes. Aside from the fact that half of them turned to dust and possibly died, many more suffered other fates just as horrific. Some lost their jobs, girlfriend, and developed a murderous parasite, some got stuck on a level of Arcade Defender, and some are being forced out of retirement on their peaceful, quiet farm.
But it wasn’t all bad for every Marvel favorite. Some of them learned how to do magic, some got an eye replacement, and some became King of their nation. And even though half of them died, that also means half of them survived! You really just need to be a glass half full kind of person.
No matter whether they had a good or bad year, every new year can be a fresh start and an opportunity for improvement. For a lot of people, new year’s resolutions are about self-improvement, but sometimes it’s about doing good for others, or getting yourself out of a tricky situation like being stuck in space with oxygen running out tomorrow morning.
For Earth and space’s mightiest heroes, there’s a lot of room for improvement in their new year, but that’s also assuming they don’t die. Next year is bringing us Avengers: Endgame, after all. 2019 is going to be the end of the line for at least one Marvel favorite, so really, all of their 2019 new year’s resolutions are to not die. But that’s a depressing way to go into 2019, so let’s see what your favorite Marvel characters’ other new year’s resolutions are.
- Tony Stark: Actually retire and stop popping up in every Marvel movie.
- Steve Rogers: Grow back a beard to prevent a second Civil War, Infinity War, and/or World War 3.
- Natasha Romanoff: Stop with the “sun’s getting real low” speech because it obviously worked too well and Bruce can’t Hulk-out at all anymore.
- Bruce Banner: Get some help and/or treatment for his performance issues.
- Clint Barton: Never retire again because lOoK WhAT hApPenS.
- T’Challa: Be a good brother to Shuri and take her to Disneyland and Coachella.
- Thor: Continue to brood beautifully in whatever box he’s in while waiting for the space rabbit to find him.
- Wanda Maximoff: Not stay out of a battle just to be by her boyfriend’s side while he’s in surgery.
- Bucky Barnes: Eat all the plums from Thanos’ garden.
- Loki: Once again surprise Thor by being alive after having faked his death for the billionth time.
- Peter Quill: Dance his way out of the soul realm (or wherever the Quill-dust has settled).
- Gamora: Have a normal year, travelling space with her sister and dancing boyfriend, where nothing unusual happens and nobody dies or gets kidnapped.
- Rocket: Acquire Bucky’s metal arm by stealth or by force, whatever means necessary.
- Groot: Beat Arcade Defender.
- Nebula: Rip Thanos apart limb from limb, killing him slowly and painfully until he can no longer scream… and then have a quiet family dinner with Gamora.
- Mantis: Kick ass and take names.
- Scott Lang: Load the dishes properly, with the plates at the bottom.
- Thanos: Make a proper scarecrow for his farm instead of using his armor.
- Peter Parker: Get his driver’s license because Aunt May said he can’t swing everywhere all the time.
- Venom: Get his boy Eddie and Eddie’s girl, Anne, back together.
- Eddie Brock: Try and get Venom on a no-carb diet (or at least eat one vegetable a week).
- Shuri: Get T’Challa proper shoes to wear in the lab for
herhis sake. - Sam Wilson: Learn to like Bucky because he’s obviously not going anywhere so long as Steve is alive.
- Deadpool: Move to Canada and be their Superman.
- Carol Danvers: Make sure every Avengers member gets a helmet.
- Drax: Find out why Gamora is.
- Valkyrie: Show up at the last minute, hungover, ready to kick ass.
- Steven Strange: Not be a know-it-all and say “I told you so” at the end of Avengers: Endgame, because nobody likes a know-it-all.
- Okoye: Convince T’Challa that Wakanda should get a Starbucks.
- Vision: Next time the stone starts ‘speaking’ to him again, just stay in bed.
- Matt Murdock: Cry and pray Disney+ adopts him.
- Luke Cage: Cry and pray Disney+ adopts him.
- Danny Rand: Cry and pray Disney+ adopts him.
- Jessica Jones: *sweats nervously*
- Frank Castle: *sweats nervously armed with a sniper*
Check out previous years’ editions:
- 2018 New Year’s resolutions from your favorite characters
- 2016 New Year’s resolutions from your favorite characters
- 2015 New Year’s resolutions from your favorite characters
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