The title for next week’s episode of Killjoys may be referencing the Jaqobis brothers, but Mayko Nguyen’s Delle Seyah Kendry steals every scene she’s in and has been ever since we met her back in season 1, episode 4, “Vessel”.

Spoilers for Killjoys season 4, episode 3,”Bro-dtrip” below

It’s hard to say what her actual name or Qreshi title is these days, and she’s got multiple monikers depending who’s speaking to her, but for the sake of brevity, I’m going with Kendry because DSK (my previous shorthand) sounds like a big box shoe store.

Kendry’s anything but a big box shoe store.

I’d be interested to know if Kendry’s role was originally smaller. Was she planned this way or was Nguyen’s performance the inspiration for expanding the role?

Either way, it’s been fascinating to watch the character evolve from a scheming Qreshi noble to the three-dimensional character she is now. Kendry could have easily been a one-off character, but you get the feeling Mayko Nguyen was never going to be a single episode sort of actress.

Now, maybe you’re asking why I want to be Kendry when I grow up, and if I’m being honest, I don’t want to be all of her. Let’s face it, Kendry can be a real bitch. Then there’s the whole “killing Pawter” thing. Or when she Hullenized a bunch of people or when she tried to kill a baby in the womb in a potential land grab.

But that’s part of what makes her so interesting. By all rights, we should hate Delle Seyah Kendry. She’s a terrible person.

Except…I can’t hate her. There’s just something about her. As if you can see the spark of who Kendry might have been if she hadn’t grown up as part of the murderous, duplicitous nobility of The Nine — fierce, brave, brilliant, and willing to fight for the people she loves.

Kendry takes no shit. Even when she’s supposedly a prisoner, she refuses to bow her head. Like she says, “It messes with the crown.”

Delle Seyah Kendry took those guys out one-handed and never broke a sweat. The protective hand on her belly as she kicks their asses adds to the glory. Like she told D’avin, she’s surviving for two.

Kendry’s also whip-smart. I know the words come courtesy of the (always brilliant) writers, but Mayko Nguyen doesn’t just say them, she embodies them. I wish I could be as quick on the draw. Or as incisive. Even when she gets tranked, Kendry is unflappable. I get nervous when there are too many people in a room!

Not to mention she’s incredibly sexy. And sensual. And open about who she is and what she wants.

Smart, sexy, badass, cool under pressure — how can you not love her?

You know Dutch has always had a grudging respect for her. D’avin’s decided he doesn’t completely hate her. Even Johnny, who has every right to hate her after she murdered Pawter, and let’s not forget John (almost) killed her once, can’t keep himself from bonding with her when they’re trapped on that elevator together.

But there’s the big question, ultimately.

Delle Seyah Kendry may be one of my favorite characters on TV these days, but she’s problematic AF and something will have to be done about that eventually.

I mean, as much as I love her, and as much as I want to be her, there are certain things you can’t get away from. Kendry Hullenized people against their will. She killed Illinore Seyah Pawter Simms. She’s led the war effort against the Quad as a Hullen leader.

No matter how charming she is, she has a reckoning coming and it’s very possible she won’t make it out alive. And that’s not a bad thing. Bad people should pay the consequences for their actions. It’s one of the things we can do in fiction that we can’t always manage in real life.

I’ve come to terms with the idea that I don’t get her forever.

But I hope her path to that reckoning takes a good, long time. Because, no matter how “bad” she is, I need to see her and Aneela reunite. I need to know what she thinks of Aneela now that she’s got her memories back. I want to watch those two be in love and find some measure of redemption together.

And, yes, I want more snark and more wit and more badass and more family bickering and more sensual badassery.

Because Delle Seyah Kendry is a proud, powerful, intelligent, amazing woman — and that’s what I want to be.

When I grow up.