Ranking ‘Riverdale’ parents: Who’s actually fit to raise a child?

Which parents make the grade?

10:00 am EDT, May 16, 2017

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Every parent has their own parenting techniques, but the mothers and fathers of Riverdale clearly show there are right and wrong ways to parent.

It’s not just about the teens on Riverdale, it’s also about those who raised them. For better or worse, the parents of Riverdale are a unique bunch, with various parenting strategies, but who actually has it right?

Cliff Blossom

We can all probably agree that Cliff is the worst parent on Riverdale. You don’t get to just kill your son and get the ‘Dad of the Year’ award. He also called Cheryl a liar, even though his precious ginger locks are fake. Hypocrisy and murder. Could this guy get any worse?

Grade: F

Myles McCoy

Myles has only been in one episode, but it’s enough to gauge the kind of father he is. He puts a lot of pressure on Josie, seemingly expecting her to be as talented as he is. During Josie’s performance at the variety show, Myles looked displeased and even left halfway through the song. Way to show support for your daughter, Myles.

Grade: D

Penelope Blossom

It’s unclear how close Penelope was with Cheryl and Jason before Jason’s death, but afterwards, she and Cheryl had a tense relationship at best.

Penelope blamed Cheryl for Jason’s death. She wouldn’t allow Cheryl to speak at Jason’s memorial, forbid her from cheerleading, and even went so far as to tell Cheryl she would be shipped off to boarding school, if only someone would take her. Any concern Penelope shows towards Cheryl is for selfish reasons. Penelope fears Cheryl will embarrass the family, and she wants to make sure Cheryl is on her best behavior.

It’s a miracle Cheryl isn’t a worse person, with the kind of fake-loving she’s shown.

Grade: D+

Hal Cooper

Presumably, Hal and Betty had a close relationship when she was growing up. It’s been mentioned that she used to work with her dad fixing cars, breaking stereotypes and planting a cute image in your head at the same time.

During his daughter’s teen years however, Hal dropped the parenting ball. He tried to convince Polly to get an abortion she didn’t want. Then, when she refused, he had her sent to a mental facility. Hal greatly disapproved of Polly and Jason’s relationship (for good reason, as we later found out), but he never explained why. Perhaps if he had revealed the big Cooper-Blossom secret, the rest of his family might have understood his disapproval of Jason more.

Grade: D+

Hiram Lodge

Alongside Jughead’s mom, Hiram has yet to make an appearance on Riverdale. Funnily enough though, the number of times he’s spoken of exceeds the amount of time other parents have had screen time. His reputation precedes him.

At this point, it’s pretty easy to vilify Hiram. He’s a faceless father who’s been in jail for fraud and embezzlement since the series started, and continues his criminal activities from behind bars. But that’s Hiram the businessman. What about Hiram the father?

We’ve never seen Hiram be a father, just heard from Veronica what he was like. From Veronica’s perspective, it would appear she and her father were close. Veronica has consistently stood up for Hiram, and has been looking forward to his release.

Recent events, however, have created a rift between father and daughter. After seeing the effects her father’s actions had on Ethel’s family, Veronica could no longer see her father in the same light. Seeing first hand the damage done to people because of her father caused Veronica to turn on him. It will be interesting to see how Veronica and Hiram’s relationship will, or won’t, change once he’s released.

Grade: C-

Jughead’s mom

Jughead’s mom has been quite a mystery, being one of only two parents we’ve never seen. She’s this enigmatic woman who took herself and her daughter out of a bad situation, but her son was left behind.

Barely spoken of, it’s difficult to form much of an opinion on her. However, after telling Jughead not to come visit because it’s “a bad time,” you can’t help but dislike her. Knowing the life Jughead’s mother left him in, you’d think she’d be more sympathetic to his plights to come and visit. If only she could have seen his puppy dog eyes, she would have melted and let him stay for eternity.

Also, we don’t even know her name! How are we supposed to think highly of a woman whose name we don’t even know?

Grade: C

Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper needs to keep her nose out of other people’s business, and leave Betty alone! It’s great to see a parent take an interest in their kid’s life, but Alice takes it way too far, trying to dictate the rest of her daughter’s life. If Betty wants to join the cheerleading team, then she can join the cheerleading team.

Likewise, it’s commendable that Alice pays attention to ‘the type of people’ Betty is friends with, but her approach is way off. She confronts Betty about her friendship with Archie, trying to forbid her from seeing him, instead of having a reasonable conversation.

When it comes to Polly, it’s true Alice has made some mistakes, but she slowly began making efforts to mend their relationship. She came to Polly’s baby shower, got her a thoughtful gift, and tried to convince Polly to come back home.

Alice means well in raising her daughters, but she goes about it aggressively, and is too controlling. There’s been evidence that she’s trying to loosen the tight grip she has, but she still has a long way to go.

Grade: C+

FP Jones

Following his firing from Andrews Construction, FP became an alcoholic, and his relationship with Jughead has been challenging since. Left to fend for himself, Jughead and FP seem to have had little to no communication until a few episodes into the season. In light of their direct and indirect involvement in Jason’s murder, the two have recently been actively involved in each other’s lives.

FP has been making concerted efforts to improve his behavior, though many years of alcoholism and shady jobs have made it difficult for him. Nevertheless, Jughead remembers the love he was shown in his early years and still cares for his father. He’s willing to give FP another chance to make things right.

Actions speak louder than words, and FP did demonstrate how far he’d go for Jughead. Cliff Blossom threatened to kill Jughead if FP didn’t confess to killing Jason, so FP confessed. He stuck to his story right up until the end, when clear evidence showed who actually killed Jason.

Family is important to FP. He loves his children, going so far as to get involved in criminal activity just to make enough money to survive. But FP’s personal struggles sometimes make it challenging for him to show how much he cares. It will certainly take time for his relationship with Jughead to be mended, and with FP currently in jail, it’ll probably take even longer.

Grade: B-

Sierra McCoy

Mayor McCoy is clearly supportive of her daughter’s musical ambitions, but she puts too much pressure on Josie. When Mayor McCoy learned that Val quit Josie and the Pussycats, she urged Josie to find a replacement quickly so as not to disappoint her father. Putting fear in your daughter isn’t exactly the right way to convince her to move on.

While Mayor McCoy does encourage Josie’s music, she has demonstrated a certain disregard to it as well, calling it pop music, even though that isn’t how Josie would classify it.

Nevertheless, Sierra loves her daughter. She had fun at Josie’s variety show performance, and immediately went to comfort her after Myles left. There is small room for improvement, but nobody’s perfect, right?

Grade: B

Mary Andrews

Mary hasn’t been a huge presence in Riverdale, having moved to Chicago before the show started. Upon her visit to Riverdale, we got to see her interact with Archie. It appears they have a healthy relationship, unusual for Riverdale.

When Mary learned that Archie is now an aspiring musician, she was excited and supportive, asking Archie to play something for her. She even suggested Archie move back with her to Chicago, so he could get a better music education. However, it’s also possible that she just wants Archie to move to Chicago because she misses him. Either way though, her proposal is out of love.

Playing up her lawyer-mom status, Mary also helped Archie and Jughead with FP’s case. Where most people wrote FP off and treated him like scum, Mary did what she could to help. Regardless of her opinions on FP, her son and his best friend wanted to help him, and she supported her son without argument.

Grade: B+

Sheriff Keller

You would think being a sheriff would also make you an unreasonably strict parent, but not Sheriff Keller. Despite a killer being on the loose, he still let his son go out and borrow the car (not without a parental lesson first though).

However, points are deducted for idiotically thinking Jughead could have been Jason’s killer. Jughead set a school on fire once upon a time. It’s a far stretch to go from six-year-old pyromaniac to teen murderer.

Sheriff Keller may not be the greatest Sheriff, but he isn’t a half-bad dad from what we’ve seen so far.

Grade: B+

Fred Andrews

Possibly the most sane adult on Riverdale, Fred and Archie have a healthy father-son relationship, but there’s a lack of trust underlying it. Archie was afraid to tell his dad that he wasn’t interested in taking over the construction business, nor was he interested in football anymore. To Fred’s credit, he was fine with Archie wanting to pursue music, but he was not okay with the lying.

However, when Archie broke curfew, Fred grounded him and forbade him from performing at the Taste of Riverdale. Archie rightly pointed out that if he had a football game, Fred would have let him go. True, Fred came around in the end, but it was only after hearing from someone else that Archie had potential that Fred had a change of heart.

In general, Archie and Fred are a good example of how a father and son should be. Fred lays out certain rules for Archie, but isn’t overly strict, and the two can have disagreements without biting each other’s head off. They do need to work on communication, but after everything that’s happened the past year, it’s likely that will improve (assuming Fred lives).

Grade: A-

Hermione Lodge

Despite less than average life events, Hermione and Veronica have a very typical mother-daughter relationship. They both care about each other, but they also frequently argue.

In times of distress, Veronica has gone to her mother for a shoulder to lean on (or a lap to cry in, as evidenced after the semi-formal). She’s also quick to come to her mother’s defense, like when Hiram threatened Hermione if Veronica didn’t come to his defense.

This closeness also means that there isn’t a fear of confrontation. Veronica rarely hesitates in asking her mom hard-hitting questions, and more often than not, Hermione will tell Veronica the truth (though usually not right away).

Veronica and Hermione have a strong, loving, and trusting relationship, even if it’s surrounded by scandal.

Grade: A

Who do you think are the best/worst parents on ‘Riverdale’?

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