This week on Glee, it’s Valentine’s Day and it’s finally the wedding of Mr Schuester and Miss Pillsbury. Of course, there’s no way it could possibly all go smoothly. Read our full recap of “I Do” below:
Because Finn only has two friends in the world – Rachel and Mr Schuester – he chooses the one who is not engaged to marry Emma to offload his feelings to about, you know, kissing Emma. He clearly feels terrible about it, and is still stunned. Rachel, who is back in Lima for the wedding, advises him against telling Will. She tries to console him, saying that what he’d done “wasn’t great” but that it was understandable, and a little condescendingly, explains that it was probably due to Finn being lonely, and upset about hearing of Rachel and Brody’s cohabitation. Finn tells her that, actually, not every single feeling or action on God’s green earth revolves around Rachel Berry, and at that, Rachel’s care-factor turns to zero. She fake-nicely tells him to practice his acting skills and play “Supportive Best Man,” and leaves Finn to his misery, glaring at him with contempt when his back is turned. Finn then goes to Emma herself, to try and talk about his feelings, but she is a nervous wreck, still struggling with wedding plans by herself despite the fact that Will has returned home, and assuaged with her own guilt about lying to her fiancé She tells Finn, in no uncertain terms, to “get over it” and that if he really wants to help her, he will keep away. This is the exact opposite of what I want to hear, especially because their conversation is, once again, incredibly level and adult in a way that I never in a million years expected, but that I am now obsessed with. Oblivious Schuester finds them together in Emma’s office and scoops up Finn for glee rehearsal, ignoring Emma’s pleas for help with the seating chart.
The glee club welcomes Schuester back, and – I’m shocked, who saw this one coming?! – announces the week’s assignment to be “Help Me With My Wedding.” He asks Finn if, as his best man, he will sing a song instead of giving a speech, and he informs the kids that they will need to find some romantic songs to sing at the reception. “Wait, you want us to be your wedding singers? That is so la-” “Awesome,” Blaine diplomatically interrupts a sulking Tina. “We’d be honoured ” Wait, so let’s see. Emma is doing everything for this wedding, and the only thing Will helps out with is something that is a) actually getting others to do it for him, and b) part of his day job anyway? Go and help your girlfriend write the goddamn seating chart, Schuester, at least pretend that you love her more than you love the glee club. Later, Finn, either out-of-character sarcastically, or completely ridiculously, tells Rachel that he has narrowed down his song choices to “Confessions” by Usher, “My Best Friend’s Girl,” or “Lying Eyes” by the Eagles, going on to say that he doesn’t think he can go through with being Will’s best man. Rachel assures him that it will be fine, and that she will sing with him if he likes – they can do a duet on which she takes the lead and he just sways in the background. Finn matches Rachel’s condescension shot-for-shot, saying that maybe Rachel can’t handle singing with him, due to their infamous musical chemistry. She rolls her eyes, but they are smiling at each other and Rachel admits that while she thinks she can control herself, Finn does look very cute right now. Yes, yes he does. She composes herself and with authority tells Finn that she’ll pick out a song for them.
The next day, Emma briefs Artie on her niece Betty, as she wants him sit next to her at the wedding. “She’s blonde, she’s an amazing singer, and she has, um, very large, uh..” “Feet?” Artie asks curiously. “Boobies,” Emma tells him, and now all I want for the rest of my life is to watch Jayma Mays say “boobies” over and over again. Artie looks rather delighted at the prospect of his date, but asks if Emma is quite okay, as, while this conversation has been going on, she has been obsessively scrubbing out his locker. She apologises, calling it a bit of normal, bridal, pre-wedding stress, but Artie looks sceptical.
Jake and Marley pass behind them and we cut to their conversation, where Marley excitedly hands over an early Valentine’s Day gift – customised cuff links that she’d hand-made from old typewriter keys, for Jake to wear to the wedding. Jake, very impressed, thanks her and tells her that he can’t wait to give her his gift. They kiss and as she skips off happily, Ryder claps his bro on the shoulder, suspecting correctly that Jake was not quite as prepared as he’d just played off. “Dude, you did her something, right?” Jake says that he hasn’t, yet, but that he has some ideas, stuff he’d been brainstorming with his brother. We get a flashback of Puck offering Jake some truly terrible and gross Valentine’s plans, and Ryder, who is as gently honest as he is handsome, calls it as he sees it: “I know you’re like, related to that guy, but he’s kind of creepy and currently dating a sophomore, alright? I’m not letting you do any of that.” Jake says he doesn’t have any other ideas and doesn’t know how to do this, and Ryder says that he is going to help him out and provide some ideas to give Marley a “Valentine’s Week” that she will remember for the rest of her life. Jake thanks Ryder and Ryder plays it off as no big deal, but as Jake leaves for class, Ryder heaves a private sigh, clearly because he is still in love with Jake himself. Wait, I mean Marley. Marley. But really, Glee lucked out on the chemistry of these two, Jacob Artist and Glee Project winner Blake Jenner, because they have more naturalistic interactions and chemistry than any of the other actors on the show currently.
Later, when Jake comes into Marley and Ryder’s history class, (taught by Mr Schue, the lesson is on the history of the bald eagle, which… doesn’t seem like an actual history-class topic) they put Ryder’s first plan into practice. We spy Ryder’s red suit pants and boots under his track suit and he taps his foot nervously, watching the clock. Marley, sitting behind him, asks what is going on with him. “Nothing’s going on, what could be going on? It’s history class.” He punctuates this with a simultaneous grin and thumbs-up and my friends, there is no way to do the delivery of this line justice in the format of the written word, except to say that my extreme fondness for this character has hit full-blown romantic love. I have broken up with my TV boyfriend Sam Evans. His position has been filled by Ryder Lynn. The magic continues when Jake – band in tow – comes in, wearing a red tux, and after a word to Schuester, announces himself to the class. Ryder continues the farce as the pair talk back to one another in a purposefully dictated manner. “Wow, that’s so crazy and emotionally vulnerable, I had no idea! Oh wait..” he slips back into a normal tone – “yes I did.” He unzips his jacket, revealing a matching tux, and joins Jake for the performance. Artie and my ex-boyfriend Sam also enter from outside the room, again in the awful red suits, and the group perform the Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell hit “You’re All I Need To Get By,” with Marley joining in to sing the female lead. By the way, speaking of Marvin and Tammi, how is it possible that this show has never done “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough?” Ever? Anyway, Marley is just thrilled to bits with the song, as is Mr Schuester – any excuse to avoid actual teaching! Oh, wait, on closer inspection of the whiteboard his lesson seems to be about the history of the bald eagle as America’s symbol, which makes a modicum of sense. Sorry for doubting you, I guess, Glee. Jake high-fives Ryder, thanking him again, and Ryder once again has a little kicked-puppy moment.