The song finishes and we cut to straight after for each couple. Kurt’s face is unreadable as he buttons his shirt. Blaine, behind him in the mirror, smiles and says that this must mean they’re back together. Kurt dismisses this, saying it was just a bit of fun, and Blaine continues to smile, saying he knows Kurt is only pretending not to care, and that no matter how much Kurt denies it, they’re going to be together for many more Valentine’s Days. For the first time ever, I cannot work out how I feel about them – I cannot tell if Kurt is heartless and Blaine is deluded, or if Kurt is repressing his emotions and Blaine is spot-on. It genuinely could go either way. Kurt does not confirm or deny anything to Blaine, just, quite sexily, leans into him and says he will see him downstairs, and as he leaves, Blaine throws himself back on the bed happily, exclaiming “yes” to himself. Quinn’s also looking quite pleased with herself, wrapped up in the blankets as Santana, who’s naked and wrapped in her own sheet, smiles at her. They discuss the situation – Quinn says that she enjoyed the experimentation, but that it was probably a one-time thing. Santana tells her friend that she doesn’t have to worry, in regards to getting emotionally attached. She also suggests, that if Quinn isn’t quite ready to leave the room yet, that they make it a two-time thing, and Quinn looms over, intending to climb on Santana once again.
Artie and Betty cautiously ask each other whether it was good. “I don’t know. You?” “No idea.” They both start to laugh, and if this is meant to be some joke about them both being paralysed and unable to feel it, it went over my head, because it’s been stated before that Artie has full use of his equipment, so I am pretty sure that he can feel sex. Maybe it’s an in-joke about other people thinking that they wouldn’t be able to feel it? That seems too subversive for present-day Glee. Jake and Marley sit there awkwardly, fully clothed. They have not had any sex, which is probably a good thing. Rachel dresses while Finn is asleep, kisses the side of his head, and leaves.
Rachel returns to New York where Brody has beautifully decorated the apartment for Valentine’s Day. They greet each other sweetly, but when they start to kiss more deeply Brody asks, curiously, if Rachel has kissed someone else while she was away. She coyly asks if it matters, and Brody says that the key to their open relationship is actual honesty, no game-playing. He asks if she was with Finn. “Finn’s fine. He lives in Ohio and I live here, with you. Cool?” Brody takes this as an admission and seems fine with it. Rachel playfully asks what he had been up to – “who did you see? Who did you do?” but Brody claims he stayed at home and watched weightlifting videos. Ew. However, a flashback shows us that this isn’t true – we see him exiting a hotel room, dishevelled, and counting a wad of cash. Wow, Brody is a prostitute. Well, it’s better than a weightlifter. He, in polite terms, asks if she wants to go have sex, and she passes, claiming she feels ill in the tummy. Brody’s cool with that, and settles them in for a couch-cuddling night, and when he says how much he missed her, Rachel looks guilty.
Blaine and Kurt – Kurt, why are you hanging around McKinley again? – walk behind Tina as she rants in an over-dramatic apology to Kurt, saying she was jealous of watching “two soulmates rediscover each other.” She also apologises to Blaine for throwing herself at him, thank god, and hopefully that horror story is now over. Blaine tells her that they’ve all experienced unrequited love before, and the best thing to do is get past it and get back to friendship. “And that’s what we are,” Kurt tells her, gesturing to him and Blaine, “we’re just friends.” Blaine laughs to himself, biting his lip at this statement, and I still cannot assess this! Are they secretly together and they don’t want people passing judgement on it, or is Kurt being truthful and Blaine having delusions? Marley approaches Ryder and gives him a home-made Valentine, thanking him and telling him that she knows he helped Jake. “I know it was you, whispering in his ear like Cyrano.” Ryder doesn’t know who that is, but I do, and I feel extremely validated for having made the association myself earlier in the episode. Marley calls him sweet and romantic, and says that whenever Ryder gets to use those qualities for real, she is going to be the luckiest girl on the planet. Ryder looks at her, clearly distressed, and says quietly “it was for real.” As Marley processes this, he holds her face and kisses her quickly, then immediately apologises. Marley does not get angry, but quickly excuses herself.
Mr Schuester is moping in the teacher’s lounge, and Finn gets pro-active, trying to shake some life into his weird best friend. He takes Will’s coffee and pours it down the sink, intending to startle him, and it works. When he asks what has gotten into Finn, Finn tells him it’s the whole situation – that it sucks, but it’s time to fix it. He cites glee club and Will himself as his inspiration, that he’s learnt to never back away from a challenge or give up, and when Will claims he needs time to process, Finn says there is no time. “Somewhere out there is a Miss Pillsbury running around who should already be a Mrs Schuester.” Finn tells Will that he’ll be there at his side, and that together they’re going to win Nationals and together they’re going to find Will’s errant wife. And we’re back to the weird homoerotic Will/Finn relationship, yippee.
Betty comes to visit Artie at school – seriously, how do all these strangers keep just strolling into the school? – and opens up a little, admitting that when she’s nervous she gets mean. She thanks him for putting up with her, and for… you know. He bashfully smiles when she says he’s the best she’s ever had – again, I’m tying this statement in to the prior “how was it for you” statement and drawing a blank.. and Artie demands Betty’s number, saying that he’s going to take her on a date. She’s all “how about we skip the date and go straight to more sex,” but he starts to wax lyrical about flying her to Paris. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that there’s a segue from his statement of “anything could happen” to the episode’s final song “Anything Could Happen.” Oops, I just acknowledged it. Well, that happens, and the number is one of the strangest on-stage New Directions numbers I have ever seen, it’s basically just them in blue shirts flailing around like spiders on acid. The most interesting thing about it, to me, is the reappearance of Blaine’s bow-tie, which has definitely been acknowledged as a metaphor for his relationship with and dependence on Kurt.
The episode ends with a more dramatic turn as, interspersed with the final moments of the song, we see Rachel counting days in her diary, coming to a realisation, and then taking a home pregnancy test. Naturally, we fade to black before Rachel finds out the result.
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