Not Today.
It’s Día de los Muertos! A traditional Mexican holiday with Aztec origins, the Day of the Dead is now celebrated throughout the world as a day to remember those whom we love that have passed on. The deceased are honored with ofrendas, personalized altars on their graves that feature flowers and gifts such as their favorite food and music.
Of course, over in the land of dragons and dreamwine, Death is a friend all too well-known within the Seven Kingdoms. We can’t help but feel that a little mariachi music and sugar skulls might liven up the dreary, war-torn Westeros landscape, so here’s how we imagine each of the Great Houses in the Seven Kingdoms celebrating the Day of the Dead with their ofrendas.
House Stark
Flowers: Blue roses.
Food: Some raw meat for Lady because obviously she’s the dead Stark everyone’s most bummed about losing. Most of the other Starks aren’t very hungry following their last feast.
Decorations: The Starks don’t need decorations. They have trees. Except Catelyn – she doesn’t believe in trees so she would appreciate it if everyone displayed her scrapbooks and set the radio station to soft rock.
House Lannister
Flowers: NOT roses. Cersei won’t be having any of that Tyrell nonsense. She’ll want something red, and gold, and big. Maybe giant poinsettias. And marigolds. Although, upon further reflection, neither is probably flashy enough to satisfy this golden-haired queen.
Food: A cake full of birds. Nothing to drink – wine is still a sore spot.
Decorations: The Hand of the King pin for Tywin, and a parade of Joffrey’s disgustingly named swords. Fortunately, Joffrey never actually used them, so they’re still clean. For music, perhaps Cersei will hire the Frey band to play the Lannister family ditty, ‘The Rains of Castemere.’
House Baratheon
Flowers: Sure, Stannis never really liked Robert that much, and he kind of actually killed his little bro Renly, but still, he’s a man of tradition who always gives everyone their fair due. So, bring out the marigolds!
Food: Along with a flagon of the finest Dornish wine, Robert needs a giant roasted boar (it’s ironic and delicious!)
Decorations: The Tyrells will obviously help decorate Renly’s altar with those pretty rainbow tissue paper flowers and a photobooth strip of Renly and Loras’ movie date night. Robert will get photos of his favorite bastards.
House Martell
Flowers: Sunflowers for the Lords of Sunspear.
Food: Sugar and spice and everything nice. And spicy.
Decorations: Plenty of sugar skulls and loud mariachi music. Oberyn would like his spear displayed so everyone remembers he is the mofo who killed the Mountain. Elia is fond of baby pictures. She doesn’t even mind if the babies are ugly.
The Night’s Watch
Flowers: There are no flowers at the Wall. It’s too cold.
Food: There is some food at the Wall. It is very bland, and sometimes tastes like zombies.
Decorations: There are no decorations at the Wall. But everyone misses Grenn a lot. And Jon displays the Old Bear’s sword.
House Targaryen
Flowers: Rhaegar really has a thing for blue roses so…
Food: Dany will make sure Khal Drogo gets plenty of horse meat, (and maybe she’ll throw in some of that mare’s milk, too).
Decorations: A crown, obviously. Dany loves Viserys and wants to make sure he feels validated even in his own excruciating personal hell. And of course the harpists will be playing ethereal dreamboat music for Rhaegar, because that’s what he and his beautiful, sad, ballerina eyes would want.