We’ve sorted Sherlock into Hogwarts, because it’s fun and so why not?
Ever wonder what would happen if our favorite detective woke up on his eleventh birthday to find a magical letter from a magical owl promising to jet him off to a magical place where there’s magic? Now you don’t have to!
We’ve psycho-analyzed our favorite Sherlock characters from their darkest secrets to their deepest desires, and in conclusion we’ve assigned them to the respective Hogwarts house where we feel they would be most at home. So grab your magnifying glass and a bottle of Butterbeer, you wizarding sleuths, because it’s time to find out which of Sherlock’s friends (and enemies) you’d find yourself cozying up to in the Hogwarts common room.
While we’re at it, let’s give it up for “The Woman” aka Angelica Yap for all of the crazy-cool Sherlock images. The sorting hat would definitely place her in the house of awesome.
Sherlock series 3, episode 3 “His Last Vow” premieres in the U.K. tonight at 8:30 p.m. GMT. American viewers can catch the episode when the series returns later this month.
‘Sherlock’ meets ‘Harry Potter’
Sherlock Holmes—Ravenclaw
“I’m not a psychopath, Anderson; I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”—Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock is a conundrum of a man: brilliant, yet lacking the ambition of power, before meeting John Watson his main motivation in life was simply to avoid boredom. And though he is still our favorite high-functioning sociopath, through John’s guidance and his growing friendships with the lovable Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, and Molly, Sherlock is learning to embrace humanity and all its quirks. A true original, Sherlock embraces the Ravenclaw sense of curiosity and thirst for the truth. He fears being seen as ordinary, and he relishes in proving he is the smartest man in the room.
John Watson—Gryffindor
“You’re under stress right now and your hand is perfectly steady. You’re not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson. You miss it.”—Mycroft Holmes
As shown in A Study in Pink, Watson is crippled by monotony and yearns for an adventure to get his blood boiling. It’s because of his adventurous spirit that he’s willing to put up with Sherlock’s condescending attitude and erratic behavior. Though Watson sometimes pretends to find Sherlock’s behavior grating, he actually gets a real kick from his pal’s antics, and like any real Gryffindor, Watson enjoys the feeling of superiority that comes from being “The Chosen One” amongst the piles of ordinary mortals his brilliant buddy has discarded. Determined, loyal, daring, brave, (and like all great Gryffindors, sometimes a little bit stupid), John sticks by Sherlock through thick and thin, refusing to believe the worst in his friend, even when the evidence is all tallied up against him.
Mrs. Hudson—Hufflepuff
“Family is all we have in the end, Mycroft Holmes.”—Mrs. Hudson
It’s probably a fair assumption to say that Mrs. Hudson is just about the most tolerant person in British history. She not only puts up with Sherlock’s ridiculous quirks — from midnight violin playing, to midday gunshot blasts — she embraces Sherlock and Watson as her own children, fussing over them unnecessarily and even despite Sherlock’s ambivalence. She is kind and inclusive, always seeing the best in her little sociopathic Sherlock and embracing his relationship with Watson. She’s patient and loyal, and although she occasionally can come off as ditzy, she proves she’s a strong woman in her own way, as seen in “A Scandal in Belgravia” when she hides Irene Adler’s phone for Sherlock, even as she is tortured by the men looking for it.
Mycroft Holmes—Slytherin
“Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don’t you think?”-Mycroft Holmes
Mycroft is quite the crafty devil. Perhaps the character most changed from his literary counterpart, Sherlock’s Mycroft is calculating, ambitious, and determined. While Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s depiction of Mycroft was a man with all of Sherlock’s intellect and none of his drive, Mark Gatiss’ Mycroft has used his superior deduction skills to further his ambitions within the British government. He’s more powerful than even first implied, as we found out in “The Hounds of Baskerville.” He uses his cunning to serve his own purposes, and though he’s obviously self-interested, he’s still a traditionalist, valuing the importance of keeping an eye on his little brother (even when he doesn’t want it), and tolerating his parents by taking them to the opera.
On Page 2: We sort Lestrade, Moriarty, Irene Adler, Molly Hooper and Mary Morstan
Page 2: ‘Sherlock’ meets ‘Harry Potter’
Detective Inspector Lestrade—Gryffindor
“Because Sherlock Holmes is a great man, and one day, if we’re very, very lucky, he might even be a good one.”-Lestrade
Similar to Watson, Lestrade lives vicariously through Sherlock’s adventures, though he may not even be willing to admit this to himself. A detective with a wicked sense of humor, Lestrade often finds Sherlock more amusing that irritating, and always takes the opportunity to give as much as he gets from Holmes, even taking the opportunity to film our anti-hero on his phone when Sherlock gets drugged by Irene Adler. He values Sherlock’s intellect and insight into mysteries, and he’s loyal to what he believes Sherlock’s true nature to be, even when all of the other detectives are against him. Lestrade is brave and willing to go into any fight, which is why Sherlock values him as a lawman, if not necessarily as a detective. A determined man, Lestrade never gives up on a case as seen in the opening sequence of “The Sign of Three.” His chivalry always wins out over his self-interest in the end though, and he proves that he’s willing to put his friend’s safety above his own glory when he rushes to Sherlock’s aid when he thinks he’s in trouble.
Molly Hooper—Hufflepuff
“You look sad. When you think he can’t see you.”-Molly Hooper
A real sweetheart and a clever little thing to boot, in some ways Molly’s deductive skills rival Sherlock’s because she’s able to spot the things no one else does, including Sherlock’s loneliness. One of the few people who can spark an apology out of Sherlock without even really trying, Molly is the opposite of our beloved detective in so many ways: while he has so much trouble interacting with people, Molly always seems to perfectly understand what people need emotionally. Kind and loyal, determined and patient, even with (and maybe because of) her love of sociopaths, Molly’s one tough cookie that can probably handle whatever life throws at her.
Jim Moriarty—Slytherin
“No one ever gets to me… and no one ever will.”—Moriarty
This master manipulator may not seek power in the most conventional ways, but that’s only because he thinks most human beings to be below his worth in noticing. Resourceful, clever and a natural leader, Moriarty is determined to do whatever he can to keep his life interesting, and since life itself offers little excitement for him, the only thing that can really give him any thrill is toying with Sherlock Holmes.
Irene Adler—Slytherin
“Oh, a power play. A power play with the most powerful family in Britain. Now, that is a dominatrix.”—Sherlock Holmes
Cunning and self-preserving, Irene Adler isn’t afraid to be a little naughty. A resourceful woman if there ever was one, Ms. Adler can go toe-to-toe with our Mr. Holmes, and she knows how to get under Sherlock’s skin like nobody else can. Although not ambitious in a traditional sense, she wants the power to live life on her own terms; in essence to always remain the most powerful person in the room so she may always be protected against constraint.
Mary Morstan Watson—Gryffindor
“Oh, Sherlock. Neither of us were the first, you know.”-Mary Morstan Watson
Of all the characters on this list, our dear Mary is the most difficult to sort because we just don’t know enough about her yet, besides the fact that she’s clever as a whip, cute as a button, and a total badass even at her own wedding. Her willingness to go along with and even encourage Sherlock and Watson’s antics showcases an appreciation for adventure, and the fact that she places such high value on Watson’s friendship with Holmes shows she can be counted on to be loyal. Most importantly, this woman is brave — she risked getting her wedding dress soaked in blood sprinting off to a crime-scene during her wedding.