It’s summertime (notorious for its lack of news) and we’re all waiting for SDCC to start, so the media is thirsty for some #clicks. Over the past couple days some websites are misleading you into thinking new Harry Potter books are coming.
“New Harry Potter books!!!!!!” are not coming. Not in the way that many websites are implying. As we reported back on June 22, Bloomsbury is publishing a pair of new books that will include some never-before-seen Harry Potter manuscript pages and sketches by J.K. Rowling.
Your friends at Hypable wrote a persuadable headline without messing around with you last month. “Never before seen ‘Harry Potter’ manuscript pages, sketches by J.K. Rowling to be published this fall,” I wrote a few weeks ago. That is an accurate and exciting headline! Yoooo new inside looks at J.K. Rowling’s Potter plotting!
For some reason it took the rest of the internet a full month to catch on to the news, and the media have been taking the “NEW HARRY POTTER BOOKS” route to get you to click on the article. As I did last time they lost their minds and straight up lied to you, I’d like to share some of the most unforgivable clickbait surrounding this “story”:
‘Yes, THREE!’
Yes, THREE! (One of which is an Illustrated Fantastic Beasts book… not Harry Potter.) Make way, bookshelf!
“No. Just stop,” wrote one commenter, not realizing that it was Fuse — not J.K. Rowling — who needs to stop.
‘THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ???’
POUND THE ALARM! ? WE HAVE NEW HARRY POTTER COMING. IS THIS A THIRD HARRY POTTER? WE’RE STILL REELING FROM THE SECOND HARRY POTTER WE HEARD ABOUT LAST MONTH!
‘Are you ready to return to Hogwarts?’
WE’RE GOING BACK 19 YEARS LATER!
‘Stay calm people.’
As calm as you, Ashley Benson? You should be more excited because this is definitely a sponsored post and you’re making some easy money by sharing this link!!!!!!
‘ACCIO NEW BOOKS!’
You’re gonna be holding up your wand for a long time ’cause those new books ain’t coming!
‘Hogwarts universe set to expand.’
I DIDN’T THINK THE SCHOOL COULD GET ANY BIGGER!
‘This is not a drill.’
IF IT’S NOT A DRILL WHY ARE YOU NOT YELLING LIKE ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY DID????
‘The books are not new stories.’
OMGGG… Oh wait, this one is accurate. Thank you, Business Insider!
’20 years after the first, we’re getting two more! [Two hands up emojis]’
WOW! HARRY POTTER BOOKS 9 AND 10! OR IS THIS 8?
‘New Harry Potter is coming!!!!!’
AGAIN, WHO IS THIS NEW HARRY POTTER? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
‘This is real. Two more are coming. At the same time.’
WOW! Not only is this real news, but J.K. Rowling is outdoing herself by publishing books simultaneously! And the plot of this one appears to involve Dan Radcliffe standing in front of artwork made by a DeviantArt user!
‘BEST NEWS EVER.’
I can think of other news being the “best ever,” like finding a cure for a disease, and solving world hunger. But according to Cosmo, it’s the publication of two books loosely connected to Harry Potter.
‘Are you sirius?!’
Hah! Pun. And a lie.
See you next time!