Outlander demonstrates how the 18th century often considered human life to be a commodity to be bought, sold, and taken. Sex was a weapon, a bargaining chip, and your possible executioner. Given all this, can we please stop using the term “rapey,” and talk about it like adults?

Toni Graphia penned what is arguably Outlander’s most powerful and Emmy worthy script to date that resulted in an equally Emmy worthy and gut-wrenchingly nuanced performance from Caitriona Balfe. Putting aside the accolades for the moment, let’s talk about why this material was so powerful, and let’s leave that “rapey” term out of it as it’s inherently trivializing at best.

In season 2, episode 7 of Outlander, there was more of a reveal of what happened to Fergus. Last week, the door swung shut on Fergus at Maison Elise as he looked up startled from his snooping about a room. In case the red coat jacket hung on the back of the door of last week was too subtle, this week we fully realize that Fergus was caught in Black Jack Randall’s room. He is brutally attacked after Jack states, “You’re not what I ordered, but you’ll do.”

Watching Fergus recount for Claire what happened was nauseating, particularity as Fergus talks about feeling guilty over what took place. For those who are parents like me, you understand the visceral rage of Jamie. Touch my child, or any child and I will tear your lungs out through your nose, and that is just for starters.

We were left with no doubt as to what happened, but it wasn’t especially graphic as was the case with Jamie’s rape last year. Fergus’ pain and Jack’s twisted psyche were mostly portrayed via close-ups of their faces. What is more horrifying perhaps, is realizing that this is the society that left children to beg in the streets, to grow up in brothels, and to die while the very wealthy used them or did nothing. What happened to Fergus wasn’t an exception, it was the norm for poor children.

At the same time, how many children are runaways today living on the streets to escape home lives of violence, poverty, and sexual assault. How many children are still stuck in a horrific home situation because neighbors and even relatives turn a blind eye. The answer is far too many, as the staff at any Covenant House will tell you.

Later on in the episode, Claire enacts her revenge on the Comte St. Germain, who had masterminded the attack in the street on Mary and Claire several months earlier. Though the men had orders to kill Claire, Mary was raped as a crime of convenience. Before the attack, Mary was essentially traded by her family as an innocent virgin who didn’t ask too many questions. After the attack, Mary was now damaged goods that no man would soil himself to marry. In all of this, St. Germain is unapologetic, as his business success by any means necessary is what matters most to him. The lives of two women are of no consequence.

Neither Claire nor Mary “deserved” to be attacked. Walking home down the street in a rough neighborhood doesn’t mean you were “asking for it,” or “brought it about through reckless actions.” Interestingly though, have we advanced as a society? Do we not play the blame game with victims? We subtly to overtly hint that if women just followed some mythical rule they would be “safe and undamaged.” Just ask the women currently protesting rape victims being brought up on honor code violations out in Utah how they feel society has judged and devalued them.

Aside from violent assault, sex could also be a bargaining chip. As with all bargaining chips, there is a price. For the King of France sex is simply a matter of business. Whether one is happy or not to sleep with the king is immaterial; it is the price of his granting your wish. In Claire’s case it is a price that she reluctantly pays, “If it [setting Jamie free] comes at the price of my virtue, I’ll add it to the list of things I’ve already lost in Paris.”

Today there are laws about sexual harassment. In theory, casting couches and the like should be a thing of the past, but are they? We have a successful businessman turned presidential candidate who has no compunction in a business environment turning around the recounting of a woman begging for a a chance at job into a sexual joke, “Must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees.” He gets away with it because as a business tycoon, his money buys him clout and influence not unlike that of a king.

There is a huge movement today in Hollywood to consider if we are showing sexual violence as a cheap, gratuitous plot-line rather than as a reflection of society as a whole, and what the ramifications of that sexual violence are for the victims and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Outlander is the standard that other series should be held to when making these decisions. It cuts the right mixture of showing what needs to be shown to make a point. It gives an in-depth picture of what the realities of life were and, in fact, are. They aren’t doing a one-off “very special” rape episode where all is resolved in 60 minutes never to be spoken of again. To those leaping on the bandwagon, let’s be careful not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Showing rape realistically, doesn’t mean not showing it at all.

We should be horrified and angered by the sexual violence, that is the point. It can happen to anyone, any where, any time with no warning. It doesn’t happen in a show because a character needs to grow from the experience. It happens because it happens as one of the most unfair things that can happen to you in life. According to RAINN, the statistics are 1 in 5 women in the U.S. experience sexual assault, and 1 in every 10 rape victims are male. Let’s stop throwing around the term “too rapey.” We don’t say “too murdery” or “too violencey” when it comes to those crimes. Why does rape get belittled with a cutesy adjective?

Jamie’s rape in season 1 continues, as it should, to haunt him and color his actions. It is not something that comes to the forefront of his mind every day, but there are ongoing every day occurrences that trigger a memory of what happened. He’s never going to be 100% fine again, but at the same time he’s not completely broken. The rape continues to color his an Claire’s relationship as it should. Claire too will not forget her near rape after being attacked with Mary in the street, any more than she’s forgotten the angry mob at Cranesmuir. No doubt Fergus’ attack will continue to affect his own life, but at the same time, with war looming, how many more horrors may he see before he is an adult? They are all survivors together.

In the end, it comes down to what Jamie says to Claire, “The weight of what has happened here is too much for any one of us to bear alone. The only way we can live with it is to carry it together.” These characters will bear their intricate tragedies together to regain their dignity and to become whole. As a society, can we do the same? Let’s bear the burden of calling rape what it is, not slapping a cutesy “ey” ending moniker on it. We need to not shy away from it, and discuss it in depth whenever it is portrayed. Let’s continue to recognize quality media that examines and explains what it is, how it affects victims, and what it says about us as a society, and at the same time let’s criticize the media that falls short. Rape is not going away, but the “rapey” moniker should.