Neil Patrick Harris did a fine job hosting the 2015 Oscars. But we have to be honest: the box reveal at the end of the night was a major letdown.
Did you catch last night’s Oscars ceremony? While there were many entertaining highs and lows of the evening, most people unfortunately agree that Neil Patrick Harris’ much-hyped debut as host fell flat.
Now, there are three things you need to know about Neil Patrick Harris:
1. He has impeccable comedic timing.
2. He is a talented magician.
3. He had a dedicated, professional writing staff working for months to perfect his Oscar jokes.
Combine these three indisputable facts, and we’re left scratching our heads at his performance as host of the 87th Academy Awards. After opening strong with a fantastic musical number, Harris’ jokes ranged from the sort-of funny (his combined Birdman/Whiplash skit was our favorite) to half-cocked, vaguely inappropriate jokes, which only left himself laughing… for an uncomfortably long amount of time.
Of course Harris was hosting one of the most tense, politically charged Oscars we’ve seen in a while, and we understand that he was very nervous. But it’s not like he’s never hosted an awards show before – and he had months to plan out and perfect his jokes and sketches. We’re struggling to find a good excuse for why we were left so unimpressed by what by all counts should’ve been a stellar performance.
Still, as we were watching the Oscars ceremony progress, there was one on-going gag which could make or break the evening for him: the mystery box. At the start of the night, Harris initiated a very tried and tested magician’s trick, sealing away predictions that would turn out to be true at the end of the night.
He did it. It worked. Nobody’s mind was blown.
Here’s why the payoff fell flat: changing the contents of a seemingly impenetrable box is literally the oldest trick in the book. We’re not magicians, we can’t tell you exactly how he did it, but it doesn’t matter because we knew he was going to do it. And it’s not like OUR eyes were on the suitcase the whole time, so we’re not even sure we should be impressed.
So, we weren’t surprised. And since all we got for our patience was a rushed rundown of accurate and overly specific predictions, summing up the night and unfortunately reminding us how truly unspectacular it had been, we weren’t entertained either.
Plain and simple, it wasn’t a good trick and it wasn’t a good gag, whether or not Harris had chosen to fill the box with right or wrong predictions, nothing would have blown us away unless something came out of that box which we never could’ve seen coming.
But what else could have come out of the box? Well, we’re so glad we asked ourselves that hypothetical question.
Now, unlike the actual writers of the bit, we’ve only had hours, not months, to think of the following alternatives. But while they may not be mind-blowing, we believe they certainly would have provided a more entertaining end to the evening:
3. What’s in the box? A message from Ellen DeGeneres
Let’s face it: as we headed into the 2015 Oscars, we were all wondering how Neil Patrick Harris would top Ellen DeGeneres’ brilliant performance last year. We feel he should have just addressed the concerns head-on, and poked a little fun at them both in the process.
The funniest long-running gags are always the ones that end with the instigator being faux-surprised, and while we’ve got a few variations on this theme, in terms of production value, this would be the most simple way for Harris to give the viewers a decent reward for staying awake until the end of the show.
So, imagine this: Harris has spent all evening setting up how accurate his predictions are going to be. He’s alluded to the box time and time again, mentioning that he’s an incredible magician – and a pretty great host, if he may say so himself. Cue cocky butterfly adjusting. He’s got this.
But as the drumroll sounds and he confidently opens the briefcase, there’s no predictions in there. Instead there’s either a handwritten note, or even better, a DVD, with the contents shown on the big screen, featuring a smiling, vacationing Ellen (we’re thinking hammock, piña colada, and a very fake green-screen beach). She’s holding up his predictions.
“Oh, please. You think you can outdo me with a magic trick? I had selfies! I had pizzas! I had… Adele Dazeem. And your predictions were terrible. You had yourself as the winner in the Best Supporting Actor category. You weren’t even nominated.”
Neil would stutter at the camera, confused as to how he was usurped in his own show, and we’d have a much-too rare moment of laughing with him. Everyone loves an underdog.
2. What’s in the box? A musical number, of course!
The most bizarre thing about Harris’ carefully scripted, month-in-advance planned jokes is that they just weren’t that funny. They were fine. Some were even great. But no one in the writers’ room could possibly have thought they would bring the house down. And yes, we get that Harris wasn’t going for slapstick, but hey, it’s Neil Patrick Harris. We were expecting a show.
So here’s an idea: get to the end of the show, acknowledge the lack of big jokes, and turn it to your advantage. As the evening is rounding down, Harris is getting ready for his big moment, unveiling just how right he was about everything.
But instead, the briefcase contains a note from his past self: “Dear Neil. If you’re reading this, everything has gone horribly wrong. Nobody is laughing at your jokes. Octavia Spencer doesn’t want to go to your after party. I have gone back in time to save you from this terrible fate. You know what you have to do now… it’s time for Plan B.”
Cue lights and music, and Neil breaks into a parody version of “Everything is Awesome,” titled “Everything is Awkward.” By acknowledging his lukewarm jokes, suddenly it would have felt like it was all part of a grander plan.
Still not convinced? Have some lyrics: “Everything is awkward, Oprah doesn’t think you are funny at all, everything is awkward, at the Academy Awards.” (Sing it: “at th-academy awards.”) What a way to end on a high note.
1. What’s in the box? Octavia Spencer
This is our favorite suggestion by far. It would have been hilarious, and felt like real magic. (Note: We’d need a bigger, non-see-through box to pull this off, but we think the prop guys can probably handle that request.)
The constant callbacks to the box throughout the night weren’t just calling back to Harris’ predictions, but also to Octavia Spencer, who was tasked with guarding the box. Why? Wasn’t that super random? No, because obviously Harris was setting her up to be a part of the final reveal! (At least in our alternate reality, that’s what was happening.)
Magic is all about smoke and mirrors. So here’s how the illusion of live television would have worked in Harris’ favor: all through the night, Harris kept checking in with Spencer, and she made funny little hand signs and confused faces (rightfully so).
Now it’s time to open the box. We cut to Spencer sitting in her seat as usual – then cut to the stage and bam, she jumps out of the box! Cut back to the still-seated Octavia, looking like the evil mastermind we all know she secretly is.
On the stage, Harris is flabbergasted, pointing between the two Octavias in confusion. She pats him on the back and leaves him with a, “Don’t think you can use me as a prop in your game, Harris. I’m the real magician here,” and waltzes back to her seat. Cut back to the seated Octavia, who winks, snaps her fingers and vanishes into thin air.
Obviously the seated Octavia scenes were already filmed, and no one at home or in the audience would be able to tell the difference, except for the people sitting immediately around her. (And they’d have found a body double who passed for her from the back to make it seem more authentic to the people in the room.)
Boom. The magic of editing.
Okay. Straight talk: obviously none of these suggestions are exactly comedic gold. They’re not internet-breaking selfie moments, anyway. But they’d be surprising, funny, and put Harris in a position of sympathy with the audience. We’d end on a happy note, pleasantly surprised if not completely blown away.
And whether or not you like our suggestions, the fact remains that we came up with these ideas in ten minutes. The writers had months. We kind of feel like their ideas should have been better than ours… so what went wrong?