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Honestly I wanted John Carter to do well, but alas its red flags in the previews held true throughout the entire film.

Sadly one of the first things we learn is that Taylor Kitsch (John Carter) is just not a believable leading man. He’s a bit stiff, (he speaks his lines like I imagine a robot would) and maybe that’s partially because the dialogue in this film rivals even George Lucas’ abomination that was considered dialogue in the Star Wars prequels.

“Watch out there’s a crazy man waving a sword around” comes to mind.

We as the audience never truly know what war is going on. We don’t know what it’s being fought for and even the most keen movie watcher will wonder what the heck is actually happening on screen. They try to give John Carter back story, but it’s just too sparingly used so you never have a feeling of his history or why we should care about him and his story (apparently he loves gold).

There are a few highlights. One being Lynn Collins (the lead actress) who is quite beautiful. There’s also a hilarious dog/alien that follows Carter around Mars.

The villain of the film is not exactly a villain as much as simply an all-knowing spectator of world events. He and his kind allow things to occur and intervene only when they aren’t going as they’d hope.

At no point does the film become good – it simply hangs below average. The dialogue is the absolute worst I’ve personally heard in years.

A note to Andrew Stanton (director): We know he’s attempting to follow the story line of a 1912 novel, but when a martian city is named “Helium”, please feel free to change the name so that we the audience aren’t forced to laugh at the hilarity every time it’s mentioned on screen.

The 3D as we’ve become accustomed to is unimpressive and a waste of money, but I imagine the majority expect that now considering Avatar continues to remain the only film so far to successfully pull it off.

Considering Disney spent $250 million on the production and who knows how much on advertising (My guess is easily in the $50-60 million range), I think Disney is going to take an absolute bath with this release. I don’t think anyone takes pleasure seeing big budget films completely fail, especially interesting sci-fi franchise hopefuls, but this may be a failure of epic proportions.

Early reports have John Carter just breaking $30 million domestically. It did decent overseas, raking in $70 million.

As a true fan of film and the art of acting, I think the biggest travesty here is that this may be the final straw for Taylor Kitsch. He shows that he simply may be incapable of carrying a big budget film on his shoulders.