The Vow sets out to make a straight-forward, yet tear-jerking romantic film, but ends up failing on every level. The most important of these failures is that all emotional attachment and believability is completely lost in a movie that ignores its potential successes — and the talent of its lead Rachel McAdams — for what becomes truly awful, garbage faxu-entertainment.

Taking what could be at the very least an interesting new concept for the romance genre, The Vow is clearly anything but original or interesting, and quickly turns into a melodramatic tale that feels anything but real or sincere, as it follows a young married couple, Paige and Leo (Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum), who are forced to deal with a car accident that takes Paige’s memories of Leo. Now Leo is desperate to make Paige fall in love with him all over again, but must deal with her protective parents (Sam Neill and Jessica Lange), as well as an ex-finance (Scott Speedman) who Paige now has feelings for again.

Thus begins a film that tries its hardest to be manipulative and tragic, but even fails at this cheapest of storytelling devices, as it wallows in formula and sappiness that never feels sincere or purposeful, but instead acts like a sort of “white people problems” melodrama with clunky moments of comedy that attempts to establish a relationship between Tatum and McAdams that is non-existent as their characters are handled just as poorly as the story. Not only is the establishment of Leo and Paige’s relationship completely unoriginal and not at all believable, but their relationship post-accident does nothing to make us believe Paige would fall in love with Leo anyway. So why should the audience root for them other than the fact that the story wants us to? To me, that’s just sloppy, lazy writing that surpasses the level of sappy manipulation you’d expect to see from this type of romance.

Let me backtrack a little bit. The movie starts off with the laughably stupid statement, “Inspired by a true story,” which is a completely inane and narratively pointless thing to tell the audience. Does this narrative device add anything of value to a story? No. Does it change the way in which the audience watches the movie? No. All there is here is an attempt to bring the audience onto the filmmakers side, rather than actually putting effort into the characters or story.

After the accident, Leo attempts to bring back Paige’s memory by recapturing their day-to-day routine and life, but Paige has reconnected with her estranged parents, who attempt to re-instill their conservative values, including convincing her to leave behind her art studio and enroll in law school again. Here’s where another issue comes forth. The filmmakers are proposing that not only has Paige lost her memory, but also fundamentally changes. Perhaps this is plausible from a mental or scientific standpoint, but The Vow clearly does an awful job selling it. Rachel McAdams saves this from being completely unbearable, but not by much. McAdams clearly has talent, but that is utterly wasted as Paige’s character is written completely off-base from reality, not to mention her character’s unfulfilled relationship with Leo.

Starting with a story that is thoroughly underwritten and terribly thought-out, The Vow fails to work on every level, beginning with characters that are so poorly developed, one couldn’t care less whether or not they end up together. The writing and story is such utter garbage that even a strong lead and experienced supporting actors can’t rise above a movie that forgoes all normal plot and character development for a series or haphazard plot devices that can’t even work at their most basic levels. The Vow is a faux-romance, with uninspired characters and bland, sappy and thoroughly under-developed themes that you’d even expect to see from the most basic of romantic films.

Grade: D-

Rated: PG-13 (for an accident scene, sexual content, partial nudity and some language.)

The Vow opens nationwide February 10th.