Rachel gets kicked out of the apartment after her incident with Santana on Glee season 5, episode 10, “Trio,” and Dani makes her big return. Check out our recap to see what happened.
We open up with Emma disrupting Will’s class to go have sex in the faculty bathroom. Yes, you read that right. Sex in the faculty room. Luckily, before anything goes too far, Becky walks in on them about to copulate. Taken to Sue’s office, the principle declares, “Becky has been scarred for life!” So have we – and only 30 seconds into the episode.
Emma reveals to Sue that the pair is trying to conceive a child and in order to do so, they only have a small window of opportunity, and goes on to describe the exact position they have the most luck with. “I didn’t need to know that,” laments Sue as she kicks them out of her office. No, Sue, no one needed to know any of that information.
In the hallway, Tina, Blaine and Sam dive into “Jumpin’ Jumpin'” by Destiny’s Child. Why, you ask? Because as seniorss they thought it would be a fun number to do together. While it was fun, it didn’t really add much except for a segue for Shue to say, “You need to squeeze in as many experiences as you can because you are all going your separate ways very soon.” Tina melts into a ball of mush right on the spot and Sam and Blaine are there to comfort her, making sure Artie can’t be let in on the hug.
In New York, Elliot visits Rachel while she is rehearsing (on her day off). It seems like she has been using him as her personal assistant, as he shows up with her dry cleaning, a green tea and a key to his apartment. We flash to Rachel turning to Elliot for help after being kicked out of her apartment. He graciously offers up his couch, but the diva finagles her way into the bed with her host ending up on the couch. And there you go, Rachel Berry has a new “best gay.”
Despite Elliot’s (and everyone in the world’s) indifference to the term, the pair perform the most earth-shattering version of “Barracuda” by Heart. Seriously, it was sexy. We feel like having Adam Lambert on is just an excuse to out-sing every power anthem there is.
Back at McKinley, Blaine and Sam are trying on their graduation gowns when Tina walks in on them and the tears flow automatically. She complains about not staying in touch with anyone after graduation, but Sam says he promises to “send one Vine of me doing an impression of someone every week for the rest of our lives” in exchange of a Vine of her boobs. Tina considers it a victory, and they decide to plan a lock-in for the school.
Getting back to the rabbits, Emma tells Will her pregnancy test was negative. Will suggests a fertility doctor, but Emma was a bit offended by it. Sue gives him the advice of just making her relax a bit and that relaxing made her “looser than a Reno slot machine.” Seriously, everything about this storyline is sort of scarring us.
The senior lock-in gets approved and then rejected instantaneously because of “Obamacare,” AKA Sue. Tina has a full-blown meltdown in the hall. Someone needs to get this girl a Xanax, STAT. Blaine suggests they sneak into the school that night for their own lock-in, and in the addition to Sam complimenting her boobs again, Tina cheers right up.
Blaine (clad completely in a cape and armor that we’re sort of jealous of), Sam and Tina break into the choir room and the trio breaks into “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds as they make the make the only memories from high school that they will always remember. Because, you know, nothing else was memorable.
Becky catches them, but instead of turning them in, she wants to participate in all the fun (with energy drinks and Twister in tow).
At the Wemma household, in an effort to calm down the girl with OCD, Will gives Emma a project that they can work on together. They begin to sing “Danny’s Song” by Loggins and Messina, and there’s a pretty adorable montage of the pair painting the craft room and watching a movie together. Did you see Will’s arms? His guns are literally the size of Emma’s body. No wonder she wants his babies.
Clearly, flattering her boobs worked because Sam and Tina ditch Blaine and Becky for a a quick make-out session.
Blaine walks in on them turing their friendly threesome into a pretty hot twosome. Side note: could the editors make that kiss more disgusting? The quick cuts back to their lips smacking together made us as uncomfortable as Blaine must have been. So, basically a job well done.
After Santana finds out that Rachel is living with Elliot, she decides to pay Elliot to run lines with her. Rachel walks in on them at the diner and starts to flip out. As a birthday song for a customer, the three of them perform “Gloria” in a classic diva-off between Rachel and Santana. We really can’t decide if we like them as friends or as enemies better, but them hating each other is pretty delicious, for now. Elliot, finally stands up to all of them, saying that he’ll still take their money, but he refuses to choose sides.
Sam and Tina explain to Blaine they don’t want to be together and that they just had to get it out of their system, but Blaine wants no part of it. The poor boy just always seems to be the third or fifth wheel. It probably doesn’t help that Kurt and Elliot are getting so close either.
Back at the apartment, Kurt tries to mediate a conversation between Santana and Rachel. Since they can’t come to terms, he kicks them out of the band, revealing that the new band will consist of him, Elliot and Dani, and is named “One Three Hill.”
That night, the group debuts with “The Happening” by The Supremes. The song was fun, sure, but compared to the other powerhouse numbers during the episode, they could’ve picked something else to really blow it out of the water. Hopefully there will be some more “One Three Hill” in the future.
The next day, Santana finds Rachel rifling through her panty drawer (for a candle?). The pair finally admit that they are the only girl friends that each other has, but still don’t make up. Rachel, Queen of I Can’t Understand Anything, can’t wrap her head around why Santana would go for the role as her understudy. “You would do the same thing,” Santana explained. No, Rachel Berry would probably do worse.
In the choir room, Blaine confronts Sam and Tina and lets them know he was sorry for freaking out and that he just didn’t want anything to change. The three make up, all agreeing to the amount of weird incest that happens in the glee club.
In the final scene, Will gives a speech about Nationals being next week with a quick “alright, alright, alright” (has Shue been watching Matthew McConaughey’s acceptance speeches?). To end the episode, the seniors, including Artie, perform “Hold On” by Wilson Philips since it’s one of their last glee club meetings.
Before the credits roll, Emma tells Will she’s pregnant(!), and we felt instantly like Tina at the beginning of the episode – weeping and everything.