Puck: I’m the original bad-ass! I had my first threesome at 7 and once I beat up a police horse.

Sue: And, of course, your complete lack of adult friends means you’re well on your way to a career as a pedophile birthday clown.

Kitty: You don’t want to break up with me, m’kay? I’m like a bad Carrie Underwood song once I get going.

Artie: Wow. I’ve never seen Blaine so…Masterpiece Theater.

Sue: This is just another of your ill-conceived, bizarrely sentimental schemes that displays absolutely no forethought and appears immediately ridiculous to everyone in America except for you.

Tina: Just call Santana back from Kentucky again. Apparently she’s better than anyone who goes here.

Santana (to Quinn about Marley’s laxatives): Your Pretty Little Liar gave them to her. I can sense it thanks to my psychic Mexican third eye.

Tina: I knew Rachel Berry, I was friends with Rachel Berry. And you, Marley, are no Rachel Berry.

Brittany: Tina, acting is a pipe dream for you, and your decision to pursue it as a career is both irresponsible and shocking.

Hunter Clarington: I freaking hate Splenda! It tastes like pencils! Why are you putting pencils in my latte?

Sam: It’s Bro-ga. Yoga for bros.

Emma (explaining what a Diva is): A fierce, often temperamental singer who comes correct. She is not a trick ass ho, and she does not sweat the haters.

Kurt: Did you Vapor-rape my ex-boyfriend?

Tina: Mr. Schue is out with the flu this week.
Sam: Hey, just curious, are you gonna go over to his house and straddle him while he’s passed out and rub some ointment on his chest?
Tina: That was a phase.

Kitty: Just thinking about me and you dating makes me dryer than the cast of Hot in Cleveland.

Finn: You’re probably still pissed about Brody, so I’ll start by saying that I’m sorry and that my hand still hurts. His face has sharp edges.

Santana: If you’re still obsessing over what you’re gonna sing at your Funny Girl callback, may I suggest your best jam ever, ‘Run Joey Run?’