Last night was a huge Glee event, with two major episodes airing back-to-back! Read below for the recap of “Props,” a great episode jam-packed full of plot, and keep an eye on Hypable for our upcoming recap of the big “Nationals” episode!

Usually I start each recap on the opening scene, but I simply must call attention to this week’s “here’s what you missed” segment, which basically lampshades the neglect that Tina Cohen-Chang has received since nearly the start of the series, despite her being one of the original members of New Directions. It’s very, very funny, but don’t try to fool us into thinking that this was your plan all along, Glee. We know that you had to create that intro in order for the episode to make sense because casual viewers have possibly literally forgotten about Tina’s existence.

Anyway, in the actual first scene, Sue calls Kurt and Mercedes into her office to discuss some bad news. After her success at Regionals, Unique, a.k.a. Wade Adams, has become a show choir celebrity and Vocal Adrenaline is tipped to win Nationals because of her. Sue, blatantly denying that encouraging Unique was her idea in the first place, decides that there is only one thing to be done – have Kurt perform in drag himself to beat Unique at her own game. Kurt turns this idea down, saying that being gay does not mean he wants to dress as a woman, to which Mercedes enquires “what about Halloween?” We then get one of the greatest gifts Glee has ever given me – a flashback to a trick-or-treating Kurt and Blaine dressed as Snooki and The Situation from Jersey Shore. Present-day Kurt dismisses this as only a costume and that him performing like that is out of the question, but Sue throws him the dress and says that it’s non-negotiable if he wants New Directions to win.

The next morning, Rachel is at home writing determinedly in her diary – the final page in all caps says NYADA IS MY DESTINY. She begins to sing a song I have literally never heard before in my life, which turns out to be “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz. We follow her. She’s walking! And singing! Through the McKinley halls! Just think, this could be the last ever “Rachel walks-and-sings-in-the-school-halls” number ever. EVER. It ends – shocker! – on the auditorium stage and Rachel then places a phone call to Carmen Tibideaux, leaving what is apparently her 14th message for the NYADA dean, inviting her to come see the glee club perform at Nationals and reconsider Rachel’s admission to the college.

In the choir room, Mr. Schue writes out the word “Nationals” on the board, and then says it aloud for the students he apparently considers unable to read. They jump straight into discussing the set-list – two Jim Steinman numbers for the “vintage” section – Meat Loaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back To Me.” Sue adds in the inclusion of a new Troubletones number, featuring Kurt as “Porcelina” on lead vocals, to which he gives her the crazy eyes and says “not gonna happen, dragon lady.” FYI, Kurt and Sue’s relationship and their dialogue over the past three seasons is one of my top five favorite things about Glee. They’re two intimidating people and they’re just never afraid of each other and it always turns out glorious. I would like season 4 to be a Kurt and Sue spin-off where she hires him to nanny for her child or something. Get on it, Murphy. Anyway, the new song will be “What A Feeling” from Flashdance, and she gives the club welding masks and and leg warmers for the performance, saying the best way to get “props” is to use props. Sam immediately puts on his helmet for a Darth Vader impression, to which Joe Home-Schooled says confusedly “is that a movie?”

The group expresses doubt about the idea, but Mr. Schue stands by Sue’s idea, saying he’s asked for her help because she’s a winner. He says that no one will see them as a potential threat due to their failure last year, that they have one more week to shake things up, and anyone who’s not willing to work at this with them should get up and leave. Tina gets up and leaves. Finn calls her back and she viciously whirls back and says that they do not need her. She expresses anger at Rachel getting the Nationals solo as some sort of consolation for blowing her NYADA audition, saying it isn’t fair and that perhaps other people would like one as well (“I wouldn’t mind another one before I get deported” – Rory. “I want one, even though I can’t sing.” – Sugar). Even Mike points out that Rachel is a senior, in a tone that implies that he thinks his girlfriend needs to calm down. Tina dismisses this as irrelevant, saying plenty of other seniors, including Mike, will not be showcased either, and she works herself up into a spiel about how she’s nothing but a human prop. When Sue tells her to cool down, but refers to her as Asian #1, Tina shouts her full name at Sue and storms out, and as she does, Sue asks “isn’t she the one who used to stutter?” Yes, Sue. Yes, in what was the worst plotline in the history of ever, she was. Mike follows Tina out, saying her behaviour was selfish and that she, as a junior, will get her chance next year. Tina dismisses this again as unfair and Mike expresses his disappointment in her, walking away. Tina is then accosted by Rachel, who lets Tina know that her voice is being heard, but tries to bribe her to shut up about it until after Nationals. Tina walks off silently but Rachel follows her, explaining manically about how this Nationals performance could be a chance for her in regards to NYADA and that she needs everyone to do their part, and Tina points out that she means their part to make her, Rachel, look good. She rants again about how she puts up with everything, silently, while everyone else has solos, and that she was there in the choir room singing “Sit Down, You’re Rocking The Boat” when Finn and Puck were still throwing slushies at the glee kids. Awww, “Pilot” throwback! It’s almost like they’re making sure to remind us of our emotional connection to the show in order to create nostalgia and evoke a response to the end of the original series as we know it in a time when most of us have lost patience! Rachel explains to Tina exactly what it takes to be her – how hard she works and what she sacrifices, just on the off-chance that some sort of opportunity will be thrown her way, and Tina claims that she could do all of it just as well as Rachel does. Rachel assures her that she will, next year, when Tina is a senior, but all Tina wants is for one moment to feel like Rachel. Didn’t we already have this plotline with Mercedes in “A Night of Neglect”? Or have we all collectively agreed to repress that episode?

At the mall after school, or the next day – I’m going to say next day due to different outfits – Tina bumps into Kurt and Blaine, who are hanging out on the massage chairs and discussing Sue’s plan to turn Kurt into a drag star. They call Tina over and invite her to join them, but she is busy shopping for the Nationals costume materials and fighting via text with Mike. Distracted by her anger, Tina trips and falls into the mall fountain, hitting her head badly. The boys rush to pull her out, but as Tina regains consciousness, she sees Puck and Finn basically inhabiting Blaine and Kurt’s identities, and they’re calling her Rachel. She looks down at herself, dressed in Rachel’s clothes, as the boys continue to address her as such. That’s right – BODY-SWAP TIME.

Back at school – apparently you can go to the mall in the middle of the school day – Rachel!Tina is escorted to the choir room by Puck!Blaine and Finn!Kurt as Tina starts to experience what life as Rachel is like. It’s fantastic to see Mark Salling and Cory Monteith bicker as Blaine and Kurt about Kurt visiting Between the Sheets again and potentially running into Chandler. Cory in particular as Kurt is just flawless. I guess after working that closely with the actor and character for four years, you pick up a few tricks. As the boys fall behind, still bickering (so that issue isn’t done and dusted, even in crazy-land? #FREEBLAINE2012) Tina is met by Artie and Santana – who have swapped – Brittany, who’s now Mercedes, and Mercedes who is now Brittany. I bet you a good chunk of my savings that Kevin and Naya specifically asked to be each other’s swap, given that there are no other gender swaps and their friendship is known to be delightfully ridiculous. Anyway, Artie!Santana, in her little glasses and vest is the cutest thing ever. She’s then stopped by Lea Michele, portraying a very season 1-esque Tina, complete with blue hair, who asks “Rachel” for some pointers about her own future drama school applications.

She’s silenced by Sue – well, Will as Sue – and honestly that swap is something I’d never expect to work so perfectly. I’m no Matthew Morrison fan, but he and Jane Lynch do an amazing job playing each other. In the choir room, Tina experiences more of Rachel’s life – the pressure of everyone depending on her to win for them, and being put on the spot to sing a solo that she hasn’t prepared for. Kurt – or rather, Rachel’s fiance, Finn, pulls her aside to encourage her, and seeing Chris Colfer as Finn hit on Jenna Ushkowitz as Rachel is probably the weirdest thing to ever happen on this show. Chris is as brilliant playing Finn as Cory is playing Kurt. Maybe we could just keep them that way? Anyway, inspired or pressured by Kurt!Finn, Tina delivers a solo, “Because You Loved Me” to the club, who give her a standing ovation. When the camera is not on her, we see each of the body swaps, and I cannot believe what a good job everyone does. Harry Shum Jr. has Joe’s squinty stare perfected just as Sam Larsen gets Mike Chang’s facial expressions precisely. Cory and Mark give sweeter looks to each other as Klaine than the real deal ever does, Dianna Agron is flaw-free as Sugar, Amber Riley and Kevin McHale sneak in their own Brittana kiss, and Naya Rivera has Artie’s “take it to church” hand-waving down. And Darren Criss as Puck – it’s hard to imagine that mohawk as a wig on someone else not looking like a joke – actually looks pretty bad-ass. He totally owns it just as he owns being Puck himself, from the initial boredom to the lip-wibbling and tears that overcome Puck at the end of any dramatic performance.

Jenna Ushkowitz and Lea Michele do a fantastic job of playing each other, which is emphasised in the next scene, when “Rachel” approaches “Tina” to offer gratitude for her back-up support and encourage her talent. Lea has Tina down to the lip curl, and in return offers sympathy in regards to Rachel’s audition failure. They discuss Rachel’s attempts to contact Carmen Tibideaux, and “Tina” says that the Rachel she knows would not stop at phone calls – she suggests finding Carmen and basically forcing her to listen. We then flash back to Kurt and Blaine – the real Kurt and Blaine – pulling Tina out of the fountain – only a few seconds have passed and the whole body-swap was naturally a hallucination.

Now that we’re back in the real world, the club is practicing Sue’s Flashdance number, complete with welding masks and angle grinders. They have trouble working with the masks and picking up the new routine, and the coach deems their “cascade of sparks” unworthy. Schue calls a halt to the proceedings, saying that it isn’t working. “Maybe basic sheet metal work is just too much for your twelfth-place choir,” Sue declares, and asks Kurt if he has reconsidered. He states again that he is not doing a drag number, but that he has an idea for a new approach to their problem.

The episode takes a somewhat unexpected turn when Mercedes, Brittany and Santana visit Coach Beiste in the teacher’s lounge to confront her about still being with the abusive Cooter. She apologises for lying to the girls and says she understands how it can be confusing, but adult relationships are complex, and that she believes in second chances. Santana asks if Cooter has changed, and we flash to a scene in the couple’s home, where a frozen Beiste listens to Cooter shouting abuse and blaming her for his anger. The girls express doubt and ask her to get out of the house, even if just to come to Nationals with them, but Beiste says she can take care of herself.

Later, the club gathers in a locker room to view footage Kurt has sneakily taped of a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal. The teachers discuss the perfect technique of the rival club, including the newest, most difficult show choir dance move ever – a roll called the “Human Centipede.” Blaine, his elitist Dalton prep school training showing through, muses, “That actually really doesn’t look that hard.” But the real threat is Unique and what she brings to the party. Sue turns down Finn’s claim that Rachel is their ‘Unique-factor’, saying that high school judges are idiots who fall for props, and Unique is just that: the greatest possible prop. Puck asks if they really think a guy in drag is needed for New Directions to win, to which Will replies “No,” but Sue says “Yes, it’s the only way.”

Tina, fresh with a new perspective of Rachel’s life, approaches the senior girl as she does some vocal exercises on the auditorium piano. Tina, after discussing her Freaky Friday dream, pitches the idea of going to see Carmen Tibideaux in person, as she’s discovered the dean will be teaching a master-class at the somewhat nearby Oberlin College. She offers to drive Rachel, who is taken aback by the offer after Tina’s initial outburst. She says Tina was not wrong in what was said, and apologises for making her feel like a supernumerary, but Tina shrugs it off, accepting that this is her part to play. Rachel reminds her again that next year Tina will be the lead female vocalist for the club, and that she has faith in Tina’s ability to become that.

While the pair go off on their road trip, the rest of the club is still working on options to impress the judges at Nationals. Sue says that she’s ordered a number of “little people” online in order to up their “prop” game, toward which the club expresses its horror, and Will suggests they step away from the props idea for a while and start working on choreography for the Meat Loaf number when Puck walks into rehearsal in an ill-fitting dress, wig, and his combat boots. The club is stunned, and Sue tells him that she’s impressed with his commitment to the cause, but he makes the ugliest woman she can imagine. He bravely tells the group that it doesn’t matter about being pretty, what matters is having the balls to do what needs to be done to push the club over the top. Will snaps about the ideas Sue is instilling in the kids and says that they’re done with the props madness – for the rehearsal they will be learning the “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” choreography, and he orders a dejected Puck to go and change clothes.

Back in his normal clothes, Puck is harassed at his locker by Rick “The Stick” and some other hockey players. They berate him about how he used to be respected and feared, and is now seen as pathetic, with today – wearing a dress to school – being the clincher. “Are you looking to pick a fight?” Puck asks the athletes, “Because there’s three of you and one of me, so you’re gonna need about two more guys to make it a fair fight.” This is a near-direct quote from the 2009 Star Trek film, which I personally guarantee Puck has seen, and it is no shock to me that he could be compared to Chris Pine’s Jim Kirk. Oh, my heart. Anyway, Puck tries to walk away from the confrontation, but Rick continues to bully him about his failure to graduate and about being a Lima Loser. Puck lashes out, going to attack the jock, but the other hockey players pull him away as Rick agrees to fight him, outside of the school. In a final gibe, he says he does not want to get in trouble because he, unlike Puck, has a lot to lose.

Meanwhile, on the Tina and Rachel road trip, the girls discuss Rachel’s wedding plans and Nationals. At their first Regionals, and last year’s Nationals – both competitions they lost – Rachel says that she had a gut feeling they would win, and this year she doesn’t have that, which should be a good sign. Both girls state that they want to win, if not for themselves, for Mr. Schuester (Why?). Rachel becomes negative, worrying that Carmen will turn her away, and she makes a very realistic point to Tina – that for most adults that they know, things probably used to go their way all the time and then one day they didn’t, and now they’re stuck in lives they don’t recognise, and no longer bother to dream. She then, in true Rachel Berry fashion, talks herself out of this negative state, and expresses gratitude that she is doing this with Tina. Tina asks if they can sing together before Rachel leaves.

Back at school, in the lot by the dumpster, Rick and Puck meet for their fight, surrounded by a circle of onlookers. Rick goads Puck about his father and Puck throws the first punch, hitting the hockey player in the face. The boys tackle each other and start to fight, bearing each other to the ground and becoming very violent. Puck, hitting his head on the side of the dumpster, becomes senseless and the other hockey players pick him up and throw him in. Rick starts to announce his win, but Puck regains strength and pulls himself out of the garbage, bleeding and furious, and when Rick taunts him again, Puck pulls out a flick knife. Rick and the crowd are shocked when Puck advances with the knife, but Beiste intervenes and pulls Puck away, making him release the weapon.

Beiste hauls Puck into the locker rooms, and as he cleans up, she lectures him. He explains that the knife is a fake, a prop from West Side Story, and when Beiste says he could be expelled, he says it doesn’t matter because he is flunking out. The two start screaming at each other, with Puck declaring that he doesn’t care what happens to him and Beiste claiming he should. Puck flips the towel trolley in rage, yelling that he is nothing, worthless, the school joke and completely unsupported. He says his mother has not attended any of his football games or glee concerts in the last four years, that his father treated him like garbage and must now be proud that he’s turned out that way, and then he starts to cry. And then I start to cry. He’s crying and flailing, not knowing what to do with himself, and Beiste pulls him into a hug, as he apologises over and over again. Beiste becomes emotional herself, telling Puck that they’re both tough and it makes people think that they don’t feel pain, but that she understands him and knows that’s not the case.

At Oberlin, Carmen Tibideaux is giving her master-class, offering constructive criticism to a boy singing “Always True To You” from Kiss Me, Kate. As he finishes, Rachel and Tina approach the dean. They apologise for the interruption, but Carmen chastises Rachel, pointing out every moment she spends dealing with deleting Rachel’s voicemails and such is a moment taken away from another student. She asks why Rachel thinks she has more right to Carmen’s time or consideration than any other of the many people Carmen sees with the same hopes and dreams, and Rachel, who had clearly never thought about this, is lost for words. Tina intervenes, saying that she knows how Carmen feels – that Rachel is a pain in the ass – but she explains all the reasons why this is a good thing, Rachel’s drive and focus, and how she always gets what she wants. Carmen is doubtful, saying that the “real deal,” as Tina called her, forgot the words to her song, and Tina defends the event as a one off, bad day, a complete rarity. Rachel gains strength from Tina and asks Carmen about her own career. She asks Carmen to attend the Nationals, as Carmen will also be performing in Chicago at the time, and that she needs Carmen to see her sing. Carmen asks the pair to leave, and Rachel says that no matter what, she will apply to NYADA again next year, and the year after, until she gets in, as she heard that Carmen herself auditioned for Juilliard four times.

Beiste returns home to Cooter, who is nervous and apologetic about yet another fight. He explains his stress at work and says he knows he can’t lose his cool any more. He continues to talk while Beiste says nothing, and eventually she places Puck’s flick knife on the table in front of him. He asks if she is going to stab him, and she says not with that knife, but perhaps with the big kitchen knife or the one she’s been sleeping with under her pillow. Cooter squirms with shame at the way he has made her feel threatened, and he tries to discuss it, but Beiste, strengthened by her encounter with Puck, tells him that they’re done. He begs her not to leave him, saying she can’t hate him more than he hates himself, but that’s her whole problem – she doesn’t hate him, she loves him, but she still needs to leave. She takes off her wedding ring and goes to leave, and Cooter flies into a rage. Beiste joins Puck in the auditorium at school where they sing Taylor Swift’s “Mean.” Beiste tells Puck that she talked to his Geography teacher and convinced her to let Puck re-take the exam he failed, giving him the chance to graduate. The other teacher had agreed when she heard about Puck’s drag escapades, proving that he wasn’t lazy, and cared about something bigger than himself. Beiste explains that this attitude is all any of the teachers ever wanted from him, and that Puck will never know how much he has helped Beiste herself. She tells him that he is loved and not alone. You guys. As well as my Kurt and Sue spin-off, can I please have a Puck and Beiste show? A whole show about them sharing an apartment or something. It would just be beautiful and we could all get together each week to watch it and cry.

The juniors in New Directions – which apparently includes Sugar, answering a few people’s queries – are working on the costumes for the club. Rory, Sugar and Joe complain about being relegated to this job and how they’d been told they had to “pay their dues.” But Tina calls them out on it, asking them to show respect for Rachel and the others and all the work they’d put in, and that if they act like good team players now, they’ll get their moment in the spotlight soon enough. She tosses out a really cheesy metaphor about it taking a lot of crystals to make something shine, and Mike overhears from the doorway and smiles at her.

As Sue and Will finalise their new set list – including “Edge of Glory” for the Troubletones, instead of the Flashdance number – Beiste comes to them and asks to be a chaperone for Nationals, saying that she will pay her own way and sleep on the bus. Sue is sarcastic about the situation, but when Beiste explains that she has finally left Cooter, Sue rises from her desk to hug the other woman.

Finn and Rachel talk at Rachel’s locker about seeing Carmen and about how they have no other option but to win Nationals. Finn says that he believes Rachel really is their Unique-factor, but Rachel looks over at a group of the New Directions members laughing at one of Sam’s impressions, and she tells Finn that she thinks that they all are – the way that, amidst a sea of high school students who stick to their own cliques, all these vastly different people who should have never been friends have banded together to create something they all care about.

Finally, Rachel keeps her promise to sing with Tina, as they meet on the auditorium stage and the two real-life Spring Awakening alums and childhood friends perform their own version of “What A Feeling.” The pair are still singing the song to each other as they skip through the school and board the bus with the rest of the club to drive on to Chicago and Nationals.