This week’s Glee, “Swan Song,” focuses on endings, new beginnings, and not wasting the chances that you’re given. The glee club struggles to keep themselves together after a disastrous Sectionals, and Kurt and Rachel both face huge challenges in New York. Also, the worst pairing ever is unfortunately now canon. We’ve got a full recap below!

We pick up right where we left off last week as New Directions carry a recovering Marley into the choir room. They flounder to figure out what has happened – Kitty in particular is close to genuine tears, and is speechless when Santana accuses her of encouraging Marley into anorexia. Will rushes in as well, taking over from a blustering Finn, and urges the rest of the group to get back on stage – apparently leaving mid-set has them up for instant disqualification. They begin to rush out, but Sue arrives to vindictively announce that the Warblers have been named winners of Sectionals. New Directions’ competition season is, it seems, over.

Kurt and Rachel get updated on the situation from Blaine, and Rachel considers calling Finn but decides it may be more hurtful than helpful. Kurt, in an unusual and apparently oblivious act of selflessness, expresses pity for Blaine, saying that if he’d been with the Warblers, he’d be on his way towards competing in Regionals. Yeah, Kurt, you know how Blaine could have been with the Warblers? If you hadn’t guilted him into transferring to your crappy school. Kurt says he’s using the situation as a reminder to make the most of the chances you’re given – like his upcoming NYADA re-application. He’s giving it one more shot, and if he doesn’t get in, he’s taking it as a sign from the universe that it’s not meant to be.

The pair discuss the upcoming NYADA Winter Showcase, Kurt describing the honor and prestige of being selected by Carmen Tibideaux, and how many Tony winners today still cite receiving her invitation as their proudest moment. Really? Do they? Funny, because last season, we were told that she was only the recently appointed Dean of Vocal Performance, and that she was travelling the country to hand-pick her inaugural class. Anyway, as Kurt describes the situation while playing some dramatic classical record and Rachel denies the possibility of herself getting in, we get a montage of Carmen writing the invitations and gliding through her school, students drooling at the site of the prized golden envelope. She makes her way into the dance studio, parts the mass of students like Moses in the Red Sea, and hands a golden ticket to one Miss Rachel Barbra Berry.

Now that the glee club is “finished” for the year, Sue wastes no time in erasing their presence from the school. Finn comes to the choir room and finds her Cheerios tearing it apart in order to clear it for her new rehearsal space. It’s evident that she’s doing this out of deep hatred for Finn, and when she tries to take their Nationals trophy away to run it over with her LeCar (remember Sue’s LeCar?) he grabs it from her. As they play tug-o-war with it, she orders him to Figgins’ office. Neither of them relinquish the trophy, so in unison they start shuffling out clutching it together, politely coordinating in order to duck through the doorway. “Doorjamb?” “Doorjamb.”

Figgins tells Finn and Will that Sue is right – in the same way the football team ends training when they get knocked out early on in the season, the glee club has no right or reason to continue on, and Figgins has booked out every possible space they could use – classrooms, the auditorium April Rhodes bought FOR THEM – due to rates he can receive by renting rooms to outside organisations. Finn reluctantly hands the choir room keys over to Sue, and back in her office, she reflects to Becky that it feels like somewhat of a hollow victory. She is, against her own will, worried about what damage it may cause the over-emotional glee clubbers, and she envisions their dark paths (“I’m a drug mule in the Lima crack district!” – Tina; “I’m performing on the bathhouse circuit.” – Blaine) and she wishes for a sign that what she’s done is truly the right thing.

Sue gets her sign in the form of Brad The Piano Guy, who actually speaks (!!!) “I cannot thank you enough. I can not tell you how much I hate those kids! Do you know how demeaning it is when they just turn to you and yell ‘hit it’ and you’re just supposed to know what song they’re gonna sing? I’m free!” This, in case you weren’t aware, is some of the most blatant fan service in television history, as the Glee fandom has been waiting for Brad to snap since season 1. Meanwhile, Finn and Will break the news to the glee club, and when Tina vocally blames Marley, the others seem to agree. The teachers encourage them to perform at the holiday concert before finishing up and restarting next fall, but Sam points out, what about those of them who don’t have a next year? The camera lingers on our current seniors.

Later, Brittany follows a trail of Cheerios – the actual cereal – that are arranged perfectly and unsanitarily along the hallway floor. At the end of the trail is Sam, holding a glass of milk, because he knows Brittany forgets to eat breakfast on Tuesdays. What then follows is one of my least favorite scenes in Glee history. Sam tells Brittany that he likes her, but claims that it’s why Santana always hated him – that some part of her knew the truth about how he felt about Brittany. Excuse me? Him liking Britt is whatever, I don’t like it, but is there a reason this can’t have been a new, since-this-year thing? Because Sam and Brittany have kissed before, in season 2, at Rachel’s party, and nothing came of it. He dated Quinn and Mercedes, and he fought really, really hard to get Mercedes back in season 3. Are we meant to just dismiss all of that, invalidate that entire relationship and assume that the whole time, he was in love with Brittany? Let’s not forget that Sam also dated Santana, while Santana was in a lot of denial and in the process of coming to terms with her sexuality, so she couldn’t possibly have any resentment towards him because of this, of course not.

Sam says his biggest disappointment about glee club finishing is never getting to sing a love song with Brittany. Whatever. They sing Frank and Nancy Sinatra’s “Something Stupid,” and it’s whatever. I, like Brittany, apparently, actually love this song, but it’s still whatever, because it’s the stupidest pairing in the history of Glee. My TV boyfriend Sammy Evans makes pretty much anything he does earnest and sweet, so when I see his pining face I kind of want him to get what he wants, but I resent the way they’ve played fast and loose with their own canon in order to make it happen.

They finish the number, Sam tries to kiss Brittany, she pulls away, and then literally the worst moment in all of Glee happens. Brittany tells him she can’t do it, because she’s scared that the lesbians of the world – or the readers of AfterEllen – will come after Sam and hurt him. “I don’t know how they found out about Santana and I dating, but once they did, they started sending me tweets and Facebook messages… I think it means a lot to them to see two hot, popular girls in love. I’m worried that if they find out about you and I dating, they’ll turn on you and get really violent.”

Okay, Glee. We need to have a talk. I talk a lot here about lamp-shading and how it starts out as funny but that highlighting your errors does not excuse you from making them. As usual, Glee, you’ve taken something too far and ruined it for yourself. You can’t just let something be subtle, can you? Nope, it’s like, “oh they like a little bit of fan-service? OKAY HERE’S A CEMENT MIXER FULL OF IT.” Glee, never cook for us, you’d be a terrible chef. Less is more. Less is more. Learn this, and you will go back to being the funniest show on television. But this? This is not cute, this is not funny, and also, if you think you’re going to pre-emptively calm the “lesbians of the nation” who are upset to see one of their queer characters back in a straight relationship by making fun of them? Let me tell you, it’s not going to work. They’re not going to be like “aw, shucks, maybe we shouldn’t kick up a fuss.” Ugh. It isn’t even that bad a scenario – Brittany is openly bisexual so it isn’t as if she’s being de-queered – but choosing this way to handle it is just… it’s not good, Glee. It’s not good.

Back in New York, Rachel continues to butt heads with Cassandra in Dance 101. When Rachel stops for a sip of water, Cassandra humiliates her, criticising her lack of stamina. When Rachel insists that she’s improved and that Cassie won’t acknowledge it, Cassandra challenges her to prove it, in a dance-off. Cassie encouranges the class to join in on the routine if they want to, but claims the showdown is between her and “the platypus.” Rachel barks out a laugh and the two start to circle each other performing “All That Jazz” from Chicago. The rest of the class, as usual, serve no other purpose than to be back-up for Team Cassie or Team Rachel, but the number is less of a duel and more of a weird, dark seduction, especially when the ladies break away from their respective groups and take one another in arms, dancing together. They finish their power-play and Cassie points out to Rachel that she is still not good enough. Rachel admits that she’s not a good a dancer as her teacher, that she may never be, but that she thinks she’s a better singer, and she thanks Cassie for hammering home the lesson that if Rachel is to “win” the Winter Showcase (it’s a competition?) that she will have to rely solely on her voice.

While Rachel is dancing her weird mating ritual with Ms. July, Kurt plays an awkward visit to Carmen Tibideaux in regards to his second application. She dryly tells him that she’s already reviewed it and says his new audition tape told her the same thing as his first live audition – “Here’s a very talented young man who knows how to sell a number but who is devoid of complexity and depth.” Kurt is brought up short, shocked, and it’s an odd thing to hear in regards to this character – but honestly, it’s the truth about a lot of his performances over the past year. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen something with soul come from Kurt, and what Carmen says about his Boy from Oz audition is true. Carmen tells a stricken Kurt that she rarely gives second chances, and when she does, it’s on her own terms. She politely, but firmly, dismisses him.

The New Directions have wasted no time finding new clubs to join to give their days a sense of purpose. Artie’s the drum major for marching band, Blaine and Tina are on the Cheerios – due to Sue’s need to get a diversity quota into her team for some upcoming press – best boyfriends Jake and Ryder are doing basketball, and Unique has joined roller hockey. When they break the news to Finn, he’s very upset, especially at Blaine and Tina, for letting themselves be sucked in by Sue, and at Artie, who was the one to convince him to come back to McKinley to teach in the first place.

Due to “Emperor Sylvester’s” new regime, the only time Finn has been able to secure for rehearsal is 9:54 p.m. on Friday night, but he encourages them all to be there, ready to rehearse. Marley pipes up that she will be, and Tina shuts her down, saying they’d all be there if Marley hadn’t cost them Sectionals. After Tina stalks out, the group looks apologetically at Finn, and all wander off in their separate ways. Unique, at least, looks sorrowful about it, wishing it wasn’t so, and Blaine lingers until the last before eventually shaking his head in resignation and exiting as well. Finn and Marley are left alone, staring helplessly at one another as the lights are turned out on them.

Brittany accosts Sam cheerfully at his locker, saying she’s set up a date for them because she’s established that the lesbian blogger community know she’s still one of them and that love is love. They kiss and I just don’t care, whatever, make it stop.

It’s time for the Winter Showcase in the Round Room at NYADA, and as Carmen announces the first performer, Rachel paces outside, getting ready to go on. Brody joins her, but when he tries to give her a pep talk, she smiles indulgently and says that she thinks she has this in hand, elaborating about how she knows where her talents lie and in this situation, when she’s given a stage and the opportunity to sing, she knows she can’t be beaten. Brody is shocked at how calm she is, and she laughs, grinning and saying that she’s terrified, but that she knows what she’s doing. “I’m just going to go out there like I’m never going to get a chance to sing again.” Brody is impressed, and takes her hand to wish her luck. Instead, she grabs his face and kisses him, telling him that she’s going to start doing more things as if she won’t have another chance to.

Rachel takes the floor, in a long white dress, and she looks like an angel. “Hi, I’m Rachel Berry, and I’m just going to sing for you,” she coyly introduces herself to the audience with a little shrug, and she starts to sing. She does “Being Good” by Barbra Streisand, and she’s very still and very powerful. She doesn’t use a microphone, she doesn’t need to, and she really shines. When she finishes, the small room explodes into a standing ovation, and her face crumples like she’s going to cry. Brody leads the call for an encore, but soon the whole crowd demands it, and after she exchanges a look with Carmen, who nods approval, Rachel asks the band for a new song, and she tells the audience that she will sing them her favorite holiday song. From a nit-picking point of view, I liked the feel of the encore in that it seems really realistic that when she’s asked unexpectedly, it isn’t like telling Brad to hit it, she exchanges quite a few words with the band leader and picks a very well known carol that an orchestra would potentially be well-versed in.

She goes on to sing “O Holy Night,” which starts quieter, but reaches a flawless crescendo, bewitching the audiences as we pan over their faces. Unlike in “Being Good,” where we stayed on Rachel the whole time, this number is inter-cut with scenes of Finn sorrowfully packing up all of the glee club’s trophies and staring at their Lillian Adler plaque. The inscription – “By it’s very definition, glee is about opening yourself up to joy,” seems to fit Rachel perfectly here, and she has everyone in the room in awe, including Brody and Kurt. Carmen takes the time, in this very pure moment, to cast a glance over Kurt and take in his reactions. Rachel receives another standing ovation, and she just closes her eyes and takes it in before running over to hug her friends. Carmen, looking very pleased, thanks Rachel, and deems her performance superb. She invites the audience to take an intermission, and when they return, she announces, they will hear a performance from Mr. Hummel. This is news to Kurt, whose goes from delighted for Rachel to dead shock.

Out in the hallway, he is frantic, calling Carmen insane, but Rachel assures him that the dean has decided to give Kurt a second chance and wants to see how he performs under pressure. The pair throw around song ideas from Kurt’s repertoire, and when Kurt suggests “Being Alive” from Company, Rachel closes her eyes and whispers “yes,” revelling in the perfection of it. Kurt claims he can’t do it without a costume or props – he doesn’t seem to realise that this is what has been holding him back – and Rachel assures him that he doesn’t need any of his “bells and whistles.” She admits to him that her favorite performance by him, ever, was when he sung them “I Want To Hold Your Hand,” claiming that the simplicity and emotion of it still gave her chills. Kurt is still doubtful, still needing to have a reason, or a character to play. “Who am I supposed to dedicate this to? Carmen?” “To yourself,” Rachel says, staring at him incredulously.

They go back in and Kurt awkwardly takes the floor. “Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of NYADA student. Tonight I’m going to perform a song that I’ve loved since I was six, but I think for the first time in my life I finally understand what it means.” He begins “Being Alive,” very still, stiller even than Rachel was, very raw and still very stricken. It’s all in his lower register and it’s very powerful, as powerful as “Defying Gravity,” his first solo on the show, and as powerful as “Blackbird.” When he finishes, he’s still frozen, eyes darting everywhere, and when they give him a standing ovation as well, tears start to fall silently down his face.

After the Showcase, Rachel, continuing with her new “live each day as if it were your last” mantra, decides to call Finn. Their conversation is painful and beautiful, as Rachel comforts him about what happened at Sectionals and Finn holds himself back from crying when he asks about Rachel’s own competition and she tells him that she’s won. Rachel cuts to the chase and tells him what she’s called to remind him – that even if they’d never won their Sectionals or gone to Nationals, that being in glee still would have been worth it. “It’s about the love of the music. It’s about people like Puck and Artie not just singing together but actually being friends. Brittany and Mike dancing just for fun when no one else was around. It’s even about the romances,” she tells him quietly, saying even if they come and go, they’re still important. Both of them are really holding back tears on every line here, and I cried without restraint each time I watched the scene. Rachel encourages Finn not to let the club go – not to let them give up on their dreams, and not to give up on his own.

Finn, filled with new determination thanks to his “moose,” shows up as promised to his 9:54 p.m. rehearsal slot, but Marley is the only other person to show up. They’re both disappointed by this, especially as Marley thinks she may have found a new rehearsal spot – not a great one, but one they can’t be kicked out of. Finn takes this option and runs with it, opening a computer and composing an email to the glee club. “Don’t You” by Simple Minds plays over his voiceover in a blatant Breakfast Club homage as the club members receive and read the email while doing their new extracurriculars – I particularly want to know how many takes it took for the shot of Blaine and Tina pulling out their phones to read while keeping hula-hoops aloft around their hips in Cheerio practice. “Every one of us loves music, and no one can take that away from us. I’m not giving up on you.” He invites them to the new rehearsal space that afternoon, and hopes that they will all show up.

Marley and Finn await their errant club members at the new “choir room” – the outdoor courtyard with stone bleachers, you may remember from numbers such as “Empire State of Mind” and “It’s Not Unusual.” Somehow, they’ve convinced the band to stick around as well, even though it’s getting dark and starting to snow. Marley apologises to Finn, calling herself naïve, insecure and self-centred, and placing the blame on herself for the club shutting down. He smiles at her and tells her that at least they’re still there, and begins to sing Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over” to her. She joins in, and on the next verse, they hear new voices – Blaine and Tina; then Sam and Brittany, Kitty, Artie, Jake and Ryder, Joe, and Unique. The group descends the stairs to join Marley and Finn, bopping in the snow, hugging and fist-bumping along the way, and we fade out from them and in to Kurt, standing frozen once again, this time in the Bushwick apartment. Rachel finds him like this, clutching a piece of paper, eyes swollen from crying. It’s his NYADA letter. He’s gotten in, of course, and he’s finally earned it.