This week on Glee, it’s Thanksgiving – look, we went through  the timing thing last week, just go with it – it’s Sectionals and it’s also Everyone Comes Home Except Kurt and Rachel Because They’re Too Cool And Also Sad Now. We get our first dose of Quinn the Yale undergrad, Jake and Ryder continue to be the best bros who ever bro’d, Kitty is crazy, the sky is blue. Kurt and Rachel have a very unique New York Thanksgiving, and Marley puts the entire club, and herself, in jeopardy. Read our full Glee recap below:

Now, I don’t know about you guys, but when I see my old school friends, I always have a touching medley prepared about homecomings, which I transmit psychically to the group so that everybody knows their assigned parts. I mean, who doesn’t, right? Quinn, Puck, Mike, Santana and Mercedes reunite with Finn on the auditorium stage while singing a mash-up of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Homeward Bound” and Phillip Phillips’ “Home,” fulfilling their promise to come back together for the first major holiday since graduation. It’s sweet – my heart clenched at Quinn and Puck holding hands, and I was weirdly emotional about Quinn hugging Finn in delight – but this show really has to find a more realistic way of incorporating musical numbers for the characters who are no longer directly performing. Glee has always suffered from this, but this scene particularly stands out. Someone beginning a sing-a-long of an old familiar song and everyone else joining in with a rousing chorus? That I could buy, they did perform for three years and can work instinctively together, but this – a new performance, a mash-up – these aspects make it really difficult for me to appreciate the intended emotional impact of the scene, because I’m too busy going “oh, okay, did Mercedes mail out everyone their sheet music in advance so they were prepared to construct this moving reunion?”

Blah, blah, internal Marley monologue about how she’s always dreamed of being a singing sensation on stage, blah, she knows everyone’s depending on her, especially her two boyfriends, blah, she’s feeling the pressure, blah, she’s sad that she hasn’t lost 12lbs like her mom. I’m sorry, I’ve stopped caring about this storyline, due to the fact that Marley has displayed the qualities of both a major bitch and a major idiot.

“So I said, ‘You girls are gonna need another cup.’” This charming dinner conversations has our graduates in hysterics as they Puck regales them with tales of his Los Angeles conquests. As they squish into a booth an Breadstix, they toast the fact that almost all of them kept their promise to come home. Rachel and Kurt’s absence is noticed as they catch up on one another’s lives – apparently Rachel is pestering Quinn to use the train ticket that Rachel gave her (a shining moment of continuity!) but that Quinn is very busy and important at Yale. Puck particularly looks proud of her, and if these two don’t end up together in the long run I’m going to lodge a formal complaint. Or set fire to Ryan Murphy’s car. Finn says he has a favor to ask everyone, and at the next glee rehearsal we see what it was – he’s asked the graduates to act as mentors for his newbies. After introducing his friends as legends, claiming any one of them could go on to become POTUS one day – “I don’t know about that,” Artie grits out through a fixed smile – Finn pairs up the group – the Puckerman boys together, Mike with Ryder, Quinn with Kitty, Mercedes with Unique, and Santana with Marley. That last duo is the most interesting to me, all the rest seem rather obvious. All in all, it’s not the worst plan in the world. Finn says that the mentors are there to help with anything the new kids might need, and when Quinn makes a quip about birth control, Kitty giggles and swoons, gushing about how cool and funny Quinn is, how alike they are. Santana looks them over approvingly, clearly saving that mental image to build on later.

Finn starts laying out their actual plan for Sectionals – a Marley and Blaine duet, and then for a group number, PSY’s “Gangnam Style.” Santana calls this out as a terrible idea, stating that no one currently in the club can tackle such a big dance number aside from Brittany – “and that includes your little Hand-Jive,” she says, “that looked more to me like a hand-j..” At that point she’s cut off, by Joe, who still doesn’t have a plot, and that certainly was a thing you just did there, Glee. Finn commands that they need to do this – “an ambitious number with a strong dance element,” in order to hit the Warblers where it hurts, as this is apparently their calling card. Is it? Back in Blaine’s day, they just stepped and clicked, unless they were in the privacy of their own library where they could jump on furniture. He says that one of the boys will need to take the dance lead with Brittany, and that Mike has promised to teach them the dance. Mike looks taken aback by that – oops, yeah, Finn forgot to ask, actually, but never mind, who’s it going to be, lads? “Hello? White Chocolate?” Sam the Stripper reminds the group. He starts to beatbox and gyrate as the others groan and try to shut him up.

As Ryder waxes lyrical about landing Mike as a mentor, Jake stops him and admits to going out with Marley. Ryder takes it like a man and asks if it’s an official “thing,” and Jake says that he’ll end it if Ryder wants him to, that he doesn’t want to be mortal enemies with Ryder again. Aw, look at that healthy, functioning friendship. Don’t get too attached, kids, a relationship that stable and reasonable cannot be allowed to last on Glee! Jake tells Ryder that he wasn’t planning a fling with Marley – that he really does think she’s special, and Ryder says, rather clipped, not to end it on his behalf. He pulls himself together and jokes that Jake better not steal the “Gangnam” dance lead from him as well, and Jake laughs that he won’t. Marley, you actually kind of don’t deserve either of these lovely boys, what with your inconsiderate behaviour towards Ryder last week and how you let them fight over you because it made you feel special. No thanks. Jake, Ryder, cut out the middleman, or middle-girl. You deserve each other.

A very chic Rachel and Kurt stroll past the New York Public Library arm in arm, re-affirming their decision to stay in NYC for the holiday weekend. Though they miss home, especially their parents, Rachel claims that every time they go back, it’s sad and stops them moving forward. Chipper, she exclaims about how though they don’t have their boyfriends, they still have their dreams and ambitions. And each other. “You are the only significant other I need in my life,” she says, squeezing him, and anyone who follows my Glee coverage on Twitter or on Glee Chat should have been able to predict that this statement put into those exact words caused me to sob into a pillow. They say a big eff-you to guys who break hearts, and pinky promise that this will be the best Thanksgiving ever.

At McKinley, Mike is teaching the 2.0 boys – Sam, Artie, Joe, Ryder and Jake – the basics for “Gangnam Style” as Puck and Finn circle the group, judging technique. Sam’s a bit exuberant – “Toes, bro!” Joe cries, to which the blond snaps back “wear some shoes!” Jake’s moves are lackluster, and he’s called out on it by both Finn and Puck. Ryder’s general competence ends up scoring him the lead dance role, and as Jake nods happily at this, we know that he was holding back on purpose to help Ryder win. Oh, no. I’m such a sucker for stupid acts of nobility like that. These boys might kill me. Meanwhile, the girls are having their own mentoring session with the Unholy Trinity – Santana, Brittany and Quinn. The veteran ladies explain about how well they’d worked together – “We knew each other so well that I could tell from the slightest quiver in Santana’s upper lip which way we were going to move,” claims Quinn, and you guys, this explains so much about the impromptu performances, right? Right? The original New Directions were so close that they could read each other’s body queues! That’s how they did it all the time! Right? No, no, what are you doing? Don’t wrench those straws away from me, I’m grabbing at them!

Anyway, the students ask for an example of the synchronicity and Quinn smiles, saying she’s sure they can put together something on the fly. “Do my favorite one!” Sugar cries as the Trinity moves into position, and see, yes, unlike the first number of the episode, this makes sense to me. Sugar’s little throwaway line, plus Quinn’s explanation, make this on-the-spot performance totally feasible – something that they’ve canonically sung before, off-screen, and have a basic routine to. The trio perform “Come See About Me” by The Supremes. It’s not perfect, but it’s realistically flawed, it is charming and it’s also very reminiscent of their “Say A Little Prayer” audition back in season 1. Unique mouths along, she knows all the words because of course she does. We get a shot of Marley reeling and blinking, and when Santana asks after the performance whether Marley is alright, the younger girl says that she’s just tired from rehearsals and promptly makes a run for it.

After the lesson, Kitty – who’s worn a massive crazy fangirl expression ever since she set eyes on Quinn – admits to her mentor that she is, in fact, a massive crazy fangirl, in case no one could tell. She shows Quinn the shrine she keeps in her locker, and Kitty gets super intense about how she wants to peel off Quinn’s skin and wear it as a cloak in order to be more like her. When Quinn breaks Kitty’s heart by changing the topic to Marley, Kitty proves that not even her idol is above using in her schemes, because she tells Quinn that dating Jake is messing with Marley’s head, pressuring her for sex, and that no one knows the dangers of mixing with a Puckerman better than Lady Fabray. As Quinn and Kitty watch from afar, we cut to Marley and Jake’s conversation, where she’s berating him for not getting the “Gangnam” lead, because she knows that he’s the better dancer. He admits that it’s an ‘honor amongst bros’ thing with Ryder, and promises to help Ryder be brilliant. He asks Marley to come to lunch with him, but she blows him off, citing rehearsal and playfully jibing him that she, unlike him, is not going to be the one to let the team down.

At NYADA, Rachel bristles when Brody comes in to teach her Dance 101 class, due to Cassie’s inability to be in the same room as their mediocrity, or her hangover, one of those. Rachel starts packing up to leave, and snarks at Brody about being at the college to learn from a professional, not a TA. He’s confused at her anger, but when she snaps at him about sleeping with Cassie, he neither grovels or defends himself as he pulls her around the room in a foxtrot. He reminds Rachel that he came on to her, and then she blew him off to see Finn. How was Brody to know that she’d ended things with the other guy? He tells Rachel not to be “that crazy girl who expects people to read her mind,” which is pretty sound advice, if a bit mean. “Did it at least suck?” she hisses, and he still doesn’t bend. “Are you kidding? It was amazing, have you seen her ass?” I don’t think I’d like this conversation very much if I was having it, but I feel like it’s good for Rachel – Brody’s treating her matter-of-factly, and it kind of reminds me of when a child falls over and you tell her “oh no, you’re not hurt, that’s no big deal,” and they don’t cry, but if you make a big fuss, they start wailing because they know something is wrong. Brody treats Rachel as if nothing is wrong, and it works, as she responds in kind. Brody doesn’t want to hurt Rachel, though, as a friend, so he promises that he and Cassie won’t happen again. Brody invites himself over to cook for Rachel and Kurt’s sad little ‘orphan’s Thanksgiving,’ and Rachel happily accepts. “Do you mind if I bring Cassie?” he teases. “Shut up and dance with me,” Rachel commands, and yeah, this functions, I think. Over at Vogue, Kurt adds another attendee to their guest list – Isabelle, who gives him some advice about Blaine. Kurt states his intention to let the relationship go, stop thinking about it and worrying over it, and Isabelle gently tells him that he may need to talk to Blaine in order to do that: “In my experience, it’s always easier for me to move on if I’ve had my apology accepted, or in your case, accepted an apology. Sometimes it’s the not forgiving that holds us back.”

Back at school, Puck is praising New Puck for his ‘bros before hos’ attitude towards Ryder – behaviour he’d had to learn the hard way after getting Quinn pregnant. “Speak of the devil I knocked up,” he sasses, as Quinn walks into the brothers, cornering the Puckling and warning him to back off of Marley. Jake is confused, and Puck steps in, explaining to his brother that he can tell the girl has reached the irrational stage he likes to call “loopy Quinn.” They’re going to get married, shut up, they are. Quinn reads Jake the riot act about pressuring Marley, and Jake claims that he’s not who she thinks he is. “I don’t believe you,” she sing-songs, pushing between the brothers to walk off. Puck calls after her that she’s being out of line, but she turns back to tell Jake, as she leaves, that the only way New Directions will win Sectionals is if Marley is at her best, and his distractions mean that she won’t be.

Quinn and Kitty are indulging each other’s crazy in a mentoring session. As Kitty leaves, Quinn is joined by Santana, who tells Quinn that Kitty is ‘pure evil.’ Quinn denies this, and Santana suspects that Kitty is giving Marley laxatives. Quinn calmly and arrogantly tries to diffuse the situation by telling Santana that she’s ‘projecting’ – a concept she learnt from her psychology professor. Quinn claims that Santana is projecting her issues with Quinn onto Kitty, as she thinks Santana has always been jealous of her, and is still jealous because Quinn’s at a better college, doing trendy things and, oh yeah, dating that psych professor, who’s 35, and married. Santana, my hero, cries out “oh wow! Twitter update! Quinn is all excited about another guy defining her life!” Things escalate as Quinn continues to belittle Santana and Santana brings up Quinn’s treatment of Beth. Quinn reaches across the piano and slaps Santana, who slaps back.

Ryder is working hard on his “Gangnam Style” – I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen this much rehearsal of a number that was actually used in competition before – when Jake finds him. Ryder is struggling, and explains his repetitive learning style to Jake. “Did you do an apple pie five hundred times before you had sex?” Jake asks vulgarly, which serves no apparent purpose except to inform us that these two aren’t virgins so we know, at least, we won’t be getting a repeat of ‘The First Time’ with the 2.0s. Jake advises him not to over-think, to let himself go a little, and demonstrates. Ryder is impressed with Jake’s skills and elegance, and Jake reveals that he was trained in ballet. Bros telling bros about their ballet classes, that’s love. When Ryder realises just how good Jake is, and that Jake had stepped back for him, he encourages Jake to actually take the role. Jake refuses, saying he will help Ryder get better. “Let’s start by watching this video one more time. Maybe we’ll be viewer 500 million.”

In the Bushwick apartment, Kurt and Brody bicker over the best way to cook their turkey while Rachel sets the table. When Kurt comments that it’s like their very own Big Chill, Brody quips back saying “yeah, but no-one breaks out into song.” Kurt and Rachel both whip their heads around in horror. “What?” Rachel demands, brandishing an asparagus spear at Brody. It’s one of the funnier moments in the show’s recent history. Brody makes Rachel come rub butter into the turkey with him, and after she apologises to the bird – still a vegetarian, apparently – it turns into some kind of weird foreplay thing, which Kurt comments on in disgust. When they see the time, they realise it’s almost time for Sectionals to start back in Lima, and as Rachel reminisces about her first competition with the glee club, the way she’d given herself a little speech in the bathroom mirror, we cut to Marley doing the same thing. I don’t think Rachel’s speech was about starving yourself to the point of feeling guilty about eating a Tic Tac though.

As Marley leaves her sad Tic Tac on the sink, she exits the wash-room and ‘welcomes back’ Unique, who’s dressed as herself for the competition. Her parents have been forcing her to assume Wade while at school, but she will not submit to being anything less than herself while performing. The pair are called into the choir room – Sectionals is at McKinley again this year – where the new kids are inducted into the ritual ‘show circle,’ where Finn, he of ‘Grilled Cheesus’ infamy, seems to think that the missing element is prayer, and asks Joe to lead them in a Bible verse. Like… okay. I suppose they have to give him something to do. Finn goes on to talk about his own first Sectionals and I am reminded of how brilliant the show was at that point, how they did come together, of Santana sulkily admitting that she didn’t leak their set list, that glee was the best part of her day. Of Finn coming in at the last minute, despite Quinn and Puck, and I remember watching it on a live stream from my office and openly crying, at work, from the moment he walked in the door, right through “Don’t Rain On My Parade,” “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” all the way to the end of their performance of “My Life Would Suck Without You,” back at home for Mr Schue. Remember how it incorporated little snippets of choreography as an homage to all the numbers they’d done so far? Remember when this show was literally the best thing that had ever been put on television, when those thirteen episodes were created in a bubble, before the writing was influenced by the ebb and flow of the audience? Remember?

The customary ridiculous judges are announced and the Warblers take the stage as the first of the three teams competing. They perform “Whistle” by Flo Rida and “Live While We’re Young” by One Direction. “Whistle” is the more interesting and dynamic number vocally, despite the subject matter, but neither as captivating as the Warblers were in Blaine’s day. This is no “Hey Soul Sister” or “Raise Your Glass,” even if their choreography has got flashier. Hunter is the soloist on “Whistle,” but the highlight for me is the close-up of Sebastian’s face. Sebastian takes lead on the One Direction number, which works because I think that he bears more than a passing resemblance to Louis Tomlinson, but it’s very over produced, which is disappointing, because I know Grant Gustin can sound better than this. The crowd is enthused, though, and the New Directions look nervous and unhappy about the Warblers’ reception.

At the Little Orphans Thanksgiving in Bushwick, the cooking is finished and Kurt answers a knock at the door, expecting Isabelle and the friends she’d asked to bring. It’s her friends, all right – a lot of them, but no Isabelle. The guests are a mix of very stylish New Yorkers, and Rachel and Kurt, taken aback, welcome them in. Kurt receives a call from Isabelle, which is basically the start of “Let’s Have A Kiki”, because they do the stupid spoken word bit as actual dialogue even though it makes no sense. I hated this number. I am rarely this harsh about a performance but I absolutely hated it, it was technically quite brilliant, but it was just too ridiculous, the perfect choreography, everything. Do they practice their flash-mob skills in the Vogue.com office? I know Glee asks us to suspend reality a little, and I used to be fine with it, but some situations now are just too much, and this is one of them. I really wish that numbers done in circumstances like this one could feel a bit more organic. I liked two aspects of it: Brody’s face when Kurt and Rachel try to suck him in with their crazy/seductive eyes and clicking, and Rachel’s “Turkey Lurkey Time” interlude from Promises, Promises. That is a fantastic Broadway number – watch the version done in Camp, the movie Glee wishes it was – and I would have loved to see Lea Michele do this one in full. There’s a dude in the party crowd who looks like he’s about to explode with awe and joy when she starts singing it. I’m that guy. But yes. Begone with you, Kiki, you’re not even a real word.

Back at Sectionals, Schuester makes it into the audience just in time to catch the Rosedale Mennonites, a choir that’s either actually Amish or impersonating Amish culture. It could go either way, and either way could potentially be offensive. But that’s like, the Glee motto. They sing some interesting arrangements of folk songs, which the audience enjoys, giving the choir a standing ovation. In the crossover between acts, Sam peeks out from behind the curtain and spots Will, whispering to the others that he’s there. A few of them exclaim, but not Blaine – he’s receiving a very important phone call. From

Blaine picks up the phone, saying “hello?” hopefully, and we see Kurt, teary, curled up in his fire escape. He asks Blaine how the competition is going, and Blaine, confused, answers him. When he realises that Kurt is really still talking to him, Blaine tries to apologise once again for his infidelity. Kurt cuts him off, asking to speak for a moment. He explains that he believes Blaine is sorry and that he’s trying to forgive, but he isn’t quite able to. “But it’s Thanksgiving, and it’s Sectionals, and I miss you like crazy,” – at this point Blaine starts to cry, and – I’ve always been honest with you about how I feel about these two, so I will tell you that, on my re-watch, so did I. Kurt admits that he can’t stand not talking to Blaine, even though he’s mad, because Blaine is still his best friend, and that he wants to sit down at Christmas and talk the whole thing out. And, he says, maybe they can go ice skating on the Auglaize, and get hot chocolate. “Anywhere but the Lima Bean, because when I was working there I saw a mouse,” Kurt quips, and Blaine chokes, laughing while crying. As someone who has made that exact sound too many times to count, I cannot help but feel for him here. He can’t seem to believe that Kurt wants to see him, but Kurt assures him that he will, and overwhelmed, tries to wrap up the conversation, wishing Blaine luck against the Warblers, and a happy Thanksgiving. Blaine, taking chances while he can, sighs out “Kurt, I love you so much,” and when Kurt responds with “I love you too,” Blaine terminates the call, possibly because he didn’t want to hear the “but…” he feared may be coming. It’s the first time they’ve said those words where I’ve believed them, really believed both of them. It isn’t healthy, and it doesn’t mean that they’re meant to be, forever, but the situation is so raw and so real – this conversation was the realest thing we’ve ever seen, in regards to their relationship. It was one of those rare moments where Glee does not ask you to suspend reality – it gives you reality. And I never thought we’d see that with these two. Kurt comes back inside, somewhat of a wreck, and Isabelle silently appraises him, knowing what he’s done, and folds him into her arms.

Backstage in the auditorium, Jake finds Marley having a freak out – she tells him that she hasn’t slept in days and basically has cracked under the pressure. Ryder overhears, approaches, and makes Jake take the dance lead, saying that he appreciated the gesture but that he knows Jake is better and, since they need to win, there is no use putting in someone who isn’t the best. I think Ryder can tell that having Jake do it will help Marley as well, help her with the stress, and really, both these boys are pretty wonderful to me at this point. Jake encourages Marley as they take their places on stage, and Ryder looks hurt at their closeness, but pulls himself together. Hey kids, I have a really easy solution for you. Remember Britney week? One, two, three, not only you and me… everybody loves counting, right? I’m just saying. The club begins “Gangnam Style,” with Tina singing the Korean bits, because she’s Asian and that’s not a questionable choice whatsoever. They prance about on their mildly disturbing invisible ponies until the sound begins to swoop in and out and the scene begins to swim in front of our eyes – or rather, in front of Marley’s eyes, seconds before she hits the floor, unconscious. CUT TO BLACK. Next week: will Marley survive? Probably.