After a five-week enforced hiatus, Glee is back, and it’s better than ever! Well, let’s not go that far. It’s back, and it’s fine. In this week’s episode, it’s Grease audition time, and things heat up between our Glee: The New Class contenders. As Finn tries his hand at directing, McKinley welcomes back some familiar faces who’ve come to whip the new recruits into shape. Read our full recap below.
Since getting thoroughly dumped by Rachel at the end of the last episode, Finn has been honing his cynicism and self-pity down at good old Hummel Tires and Lube. This is where Artie pays him a visit, attempting to pull Finn out of his funk. Finn’s finding the prospect of the tire shop being his foreseeable future as pretty bleak and puke-worthy, and Artie commiserates, telling Finn that Finn’s special and creative soul is so above this. Never mind insulting all the other employees probably within earshot; never mind the fact that this is a place Burt Hummel worked hard on. Anything that’s good enough for Burt Hummel is certainly good enough for Finn Hudson, in my book. Anyway, Artie blackmails Finn into co-directing Grease by saying that he’ll drop out if Finn doesn’t agree to come on board. Finn compares this act of “holding the musical hostage” to terrorism, but Artie doesn’t really give him an out.
At McKinley, Sam is signing up for Grease tryouts, and when he tries to engage Blaine, the other boy starts to speak in that faraway, slightly delirious tone that means we are going to be treated to the comedy gold of some classic Blaine Anderson histrionics. We’re not disappointed, when Blaine starts to try to make Sam understand the very special and unique pain that he is suffering since Kurt dumped him for not keeping it in his pants. Sam looks taken aback around the point where Blaine starts mourning the loss of his and Kurt’s future love-nest – a lighthouse in Provincetown – and tells him, in the nicest way possible, to drink down a cup of concrete and harden the bleep up.
Blaine slouches off, propping himself up on the walls in his suffering, and begins to sing “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” I can’t fault the song. He sings it wonderfully, it’s one of the only two songs from Grease I’d really want to hear him sing, and the other one is coming up next episode. But it’s so hard to take seriously when he’s balled up in the choir room, crooning and dripping tears onto his creepy scrapbook of Kurt that he apparently carries around with him – seriously, an album of them together I’d understand, but this is Harry-Styles-fangirl-style shrine to the other boy – and then does his best Prudence from Across The Universe, singing his pain while weaving through a slow-motion football practice. I’d actually really appreciate this homage if the context in any way matched up, which, naturally, it doesn’t. Mainly, the football players flying past his head just really highlighted how short he is.
When the song hits the Big Note – you know the one, you’ve seen the movie – it cuts to the auditorium where Blaine is performing the number – fists clenched – for his Grease audition. Finn – who’s decided that, because he’s not the Bush administration, he can negotiate with terrorists – and Artie both look like they kind of wish Blaine was hopelessly devoted to them, and despite his singing of a Sandy song, they offer him the Danny Zuko role on the spot. Blaine turns his “Cameron from Modern Family” dial up to eleven and claims he can’t take the role, because Grease is a romance and he couldn’t possibly deliver the truth of Danny Zuko in the state he’s in. Finn rolls his eyes, and I thank Grilled Cheesus, because for a minute there I was starting to think that the Glee writers had gotten drunk off of their own “we made Darren Criss a star” Kool-Aid and that the audience was meant to actually be taking this as seriously as we took last episode’s “Teenage Dream.” But no, it seems that Blaine really is meant to have this character trait of ridiculous melodramatics when he gets caught up, and they are freaking hysterical. He truly is the new Rachel, in this aspect more than any other.
The directors gently ask if there’s any role Blaine would think about playing, and he deigns to allow them to cast him as the one-scene Teen Angel. Though he probably won’t be able to cope with that, either. He flounces off, and you can practically see the back of the hand pressed to the forehead and the other one trailing out behind him. “Wow. I’ve never seen Blaine so… Masterpiece Theater,” Artie points out, and Finn, disheartened, leaves the auditions himself, saying that he’s not cut out for directing. Artie comes after him and talks him off the ledge, telling him that it will be fine if he surrounds himself with the right people to help – such as a brilliant choreographer and vocal coach. Do we know anyone who could fill those positions? Why yes, we do – Mike Chang and Mercedes Jones, and with perfect timing, they’re here to help. The non-dialogue scene of the four First Twelve New Directions reuniting is genuinely a feelings-fest of the first degree. Mostly because of Mike Chang’s face.
Schue and Emma are getting some couples counseling from Coach Beiste, due to the fact that Will still wants to take Emma to DC in order to cook him microwave dinners while he toils away at his Important Government Think-Tank. Beiste remains adorable while making a bunch of football analogies that no one understands, and Will – while continuing to dismiss and interrupt Emma – attempts to do it in a slightly more compassionate way, explaining that he wants her with him no matter what, and next time something happens, they can go wherever she wants. He misses the point she’s been making by about a mile, but Emma ends up finally agreeing to go with him to Washington. As they hug, Beiste looks on and notices that Emma doesn’t look very happy or genuine about her agreement.
The four First Twelvers throw around ideas for a potential Danny, now that Blaine’s out. The three graduates have been styled and move in such a way that really shows they’re adults visiting a school, rather than students there. You can feel the difference, but it’s both comforting and odd to see them back in the choir room. In regards to their casting: Joe won’t cut his dreadlocks, New Puck doesn’t want to be involved at all, and Sam wants to play Kenickie. Chord Overstreet proves once again to be the best value on this show as we cut to a talking head of him, totally deadpan, pleading his case: “’Greased Lightning’ is my cell phone ringtone and I’ve been knocked out by a car door before, so I was really looking forward to recreating the reality of that moment on stage.”
When Finn becomes frustrated that they can’t find a single appropriate guy willing to do the musical, Mercedes reminds him that Schuester had had the same problem restarting the glee club – and that’s why he’d had to go stalk Finn in the showers and plant drugs on him for blackmail purposes. Well, she didn’t mention the specifics, but we all remember, Glee. We remember. Finn is inspired to go do some stalking of his own, and heads to watch football practice in order to find himself a Finn 2.0. He notices a likely candidate in Ryder Lynn (Glee Project winner Blake Jenner), a sophomore doing crazy break-dancing in the sidelines after catching a pass. Beiste tells Finn that Ryder is a bit of a loner who came to McKinley after flunking out of a past school, that he has trouble learning and possibly has a lazy streak. Finn’s still interested, though, and the coach tells her former player that Finn’s most special quality wasn’t his singing, or dancing, or athleticism – it was his ability to move people, and that he may be the right person to inspire Ryder.
BFF newbies Marley and Unique – dressed down as Wade, today – gossip in the girls bathroom about the auditions. Marley’s excited to go for Sandy, but Unique admits that she wants Rizzo, whom she considers to be the true powerhouse of the show – “a hot bitch who thinks she’s pregnant and turns out to have a heart of gold? It’s basically my life story.” Marley looks appropriately mystified by this comparison, but Unique, shedding a little more light on the “transvestite or transgender” question, goes on to admit with resignation that she won’t be cast – that people see her drag as a joke or a stunt, but that she’d feel as wrong in a male role as Marley would.
As Marley encourages her, assuring her that Artie and Finn know and accept the situation, Sue busts out of a stall where she’d been eavesdropping, and tells Unique all the reasons why she’s bad and wrong and not allowed to audition for Rizzo. It’s one of the more offensive Sue rants in a while, but on the flip side, her dynamic with Marley is amazing – when addressing the pair, Unique gets called “Tina Stomach-Turner” but when she turns to Marley, Sue says “I’m trying to think of a mean nickname for you and I’m blanking.” A moment later, when Marley stands up to her, the best Sue can rebut with is “absolutely stunning, kind-faced, blue-eyed girl,” delivered as if she can’t control herself. It’s a joke I wasn’t expecting – Sue uncontrollably liking someone – and I really enjoy it and hope it becomes a running gag. Marley is unmoved, though, and defiantly tells Sue that she and Unique will both be auditioning for their desired roles.
They skip through the halls, linking pinkies and begin their audition, where they sing Pink’s “(Blow Me) One Last Kiss” like the pair of rockstars that they are. Not exactly a song that paints a picture of the skills needed to play a Grease role, but the production team is impressed and ask the girls what roles they’d had in mind. Marley is still keen to play Sandy, and when Unique announces nervously that she’d like Rizzo, Finn and Artie exchange a thoughtful look.
Finn wanders into a study hall session and sends the teacher on a wild goose chase in order to stalk Ryder. Frankly, I’m surprised by the break in naked-shower-singing tradition, but Finn simply sits down and introduces himself. Turns out Ryder doesn’t have a lazy streak – he studies very hard, and constantly, but still makes bad grades, and is desperately trying to improve. I foresee a Very Special Learning Disability Episode coming up in our near future. Anyway, Finn tells him that he’d had bad grades too, but ended up graduating with a B+ average. Ryder desperately asks how, and Finn admits it was due to glee club – that the music and dance enhanced his brain’s learning abilities. Ryder says that he can’t join – not that it doesn’t sound fun, but that he’s got too much on his plate, but Finn keeps pushing, encouraging Ryder to start slow and come try out for the musical as a “gateway drug.” Ryder admits that he doesn’t sing, and Finn flirtatiously dares him to prove it. I’m pretty sure this has the potential to be a pretty explosive ship, because every scene the guys are in together, they both look at each other like they represent something the other wants so badly but doesn’t know how to get.
When Ryder gets back yet another poorly graded test, he’s clearly upset and ends up showing up early to the auditions, where Finn and Artie have been testing out jukeboxes for the Grease set. Ryder tells Finn that if Finn thinks that doing this will help him academically, then he is willing to try it; and though he is reluctant to sing, he ends up singing along to “Juke Box Hero” with Finn, falling into a fantasy of a wild audience and doing a stage dive. When he tells Finn that he enjoyed it and is ready to audition, Finn tips him a wink and says that he just did.
Ryder, hopped up on performance joy, introduces himself to Marley. She knows who he is – she likes his dancing during the football games. He knows who she is – he likes her mom and her mom likes him. They both can’t stop grinning at each other, and as they talk about potentially playing Sandy and Danny, New Puck does some pointed lurking and glaring, which Kitty, still bitter, calls him out on. She amps up his jealousy by pointing out all the ways Ryder is superior to him, and because Kitty refuses to allow either Jake or Marley any happiness due to them shaming her or whatever. She saunters up to try and attract Ryder’s attention, but – shock! – her tactics don’t really work, because Ryder is apparently a nice dude, and as she viciously bullies Marley while flirting with him, he looks at Kitty like she’s dirt and calls her a bitch.
She’s not off-put, proving that she’s literally a crazy person, and when she goes to sign up for the musical, intending to take the Sandy role – and Ryder – from Marley, Jake decides to sign up with her, in order to keep Kitty in line and Ryder away from Marley. Jake gets coerced into auditioning as a pair with Kitty, and they perform “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees, choreographed with pseudo swing-dancing. They actually have more chemistry than they ever did as an awkward couple and I realise that I kind of want these two to be bitchy, miserable best friends. The panel of judges whoops and cheers, impressed, and Jake sweeps Kitty up in a hug as Marley pouts and weeps in the wings.
Finn, Artie, Mike and Mercedes get down to business with their thumb-tacks as they begin the casting process. They plan callbacks for Sandy and Danny, and start making final calls on some of the other roles. They cast Brittany, their best dancer, as Cha-Cha, and Mercedes wants to cast Tina as Jan just as soon as they can get her to agree to being in the same room as ex-boyfriend Mike Chang, whom she tossed aside earlier this year. When Finn says he wants to cast Unique as Rizzo, Artie isn’t sure about it, but is enthused by Finn’s passion and drive and so agrees to the choice. Sue, who probably had spy cameras set up awaiting this very moment, bursts in and demands that Finn report to the principal’s office. “The twin idiots seated before you are poised to cast the she-male fabulous Unique Adams as Rizzo in Grease, the already overly-sexualized minstrel show featuring teen pregnancy and the ridiculously unnecessary lubrication of lightning,” Sue reports to Figgins, who is confused – naturally, he’d thought Unique was biologically a girl, and one with a bangin’ bod, to boot.
Finn almost visibly starts to laugh at Sue’s antics, looking as if Sue is the ridiculously unnecessary one, and his quiet confidence is a nice thing to see. “I don’t see what the big deal is. If Unique dresses as a girl, and identifies as a girl, she should be allowed to play one onstage,” he states, and it’s the most beautiful thing to have ever come out of his mouth. Miss-The-Point Schuester over in the corner pipes up referencing Shakespearean cross-gendered casting, but Finn goes on to point out that McKinley, in the last few years, has become somewhat of a haven for outcasts, and that it shouldn’t change just because Sue is a bigot. Sue objects to this, reminding them that she has had gay kids on the Cheerios and resigned as principal in protest of the attitude taken towards Kurt’s bullying.
She says that his point about McKinley being a “progressive bubble” is valid – “I think that’s due to the fact that the glee club is being run by a strange, weepy man-child with lotion in his hair but no adult friends.” She hits the crux of the matter, perhaps the point that she’d been trying to make all along disguised with insults and prejudice: that outside of their bubble, they live in small-town Ohio, and this will become a public issue, because she’ll make it one. She tries to guilt them into not putting Wade in danger just to make a point about how open-minded they are, and asks Will to make a call and put a stop to the situation.
Will – the man who wouldn’t let Kurt Hummel perform a female’s Broadway solo until he was threatened with legal action – says he has no control of the situation, that all the power lies in the hands of the teenage student and former student he has allowed to run the musical. Finn finally says enough is enough and puts his foot down, saying he has nothing left to lose, that he’s not scared of Sue, and he promptly puts his foot somewhere else when berating her, saying he thought she’d know more about being an underdog after helping the club win Nationals last year, and having a retarded baby. He immediately steps back and apologises for his inappropriate word choice, but Sue silently fixes him with a look that’s scarier than any of her rants, and leaves. Finn, so mature and confident again, looks dumbstruck, and Will buries his head in his hands.
Beiste finds Emma checking out Washington apartments with a look of fixed determination. She tells the redhead that she knows Emma doesn’t want to go, and that she needs to tell Will. Emma admits that she’s scared of stifling Will’s dreams and becoming another Terri, but Beiste the guru states that Emma better find something she wants to do in Washington besides keeping Will company. “You know I love Will, but I think you’ve spent so much time working on being his girl that you’ve forgot that the reason he’s so into you is because of all the things you are besides that.” Praise. More couple drama arises as Mike finally corners Tina, who’s been avoiding him since he came back to town. She’d been fine with their break-up when she didn’t have to remember he existed, but she can’t handle him being there. Mike, the dumpee, says it’s weird for him too, but that he didn’t think Tina would be upset. “Neither did I,” she screams, clearly having some buyer’s remorse. Mike urges her to help him make it not weird, if this is keeping her from doing Grease, and takes her arm, saying they could really use her talent. She shakes him off and refuses to consider it.
Mercedes and Mike lead Kitty, Marley, Jake and Ryder in their callback, which is a sing and dance-off to the Grease song “Born to Hand-Jive.” The couples dance together and switch off, testing the chemistry between the four potential Danny/Sandy combinations. Many jealous looks are thrown around as Jake does his best to steal Marley from Ryder’s hold and Kitty does her best to make everyone miserable. At one point, Jake throws her over his shoulder mid-twirl and tells her to stop being so crazy, and the pair definitely come across as somewhat more insane than the enthusiastic and naïve Marley and Ryder. Still, everyone puts on a good show, so there’s a possibility that it’s still anyone’s game.
After the callbacks, Finn finds a dressed-down Unique in the library and says solemnly that they need to talk. Unique thinks Finn’s there to let her down gently, but Finn looks around and coyly offers her the part. Unique is thrilled and accepts, and Finn says that he’ll handle Sue or anyone who tries to make it an issue. As Finn goes to leave, Unique is so overcome that she begins to look upset, and when Finn asks what is wrong, she explains how out of place she feels being made to portray a boy at school, and that it’s nice to finally have found one. Finn looks touched, and levels with Unique – he wants to check that before he posts the cast list, Unique is ready for the backlash, and that Finn can try to be a shield for some of it, but maybe not all. Unique accepts this, saying “dreams aren’t free,” so Finn and his team go to post the cast list. We get some stunning reaction shots from the new Grease cast – including the flawless appointment of Sugar as Frenchy, Tina, all smiles, as Jan – clearly she and Mike worked things out during commercial, the place where all their plots happen – and a resigned Blaine as Teen Angel. Marley and Ryder get the top spots as Sandy and Danny, and Kitty is furious to have received the role of Patty Simcox.
“I don’t understand, I prayed really hard about this,” she demands. “Maybe God didn’t hear you because he was busy helping people with cancer,” actual-good-Christian Joe offers up, but Kitty shuts him up and immediately starts blaming Jake, saying he screwed up “Hand-Jive.” “No, I didn’t,” he tells her. “We were both great. It just didn’t work out.” “I’ve been hearing that a lot from you lately,” she says, and stalks off, making sure, as she goes, to exacerbate some more body issues in Marley, in what is sure to be the plot-line of another Very Special Eating Disorder episode. As she leaves, Sue approaches and everyone freezes as she checks the cast list. When she gets to the casting of Wade ‘Unique’ Adams as Rizzo, Finn stares her down defiantly.
At their apartment, Emma is panic-stirring saucepans in an attempt to make Will a complex meal. When he comes home and finds her like this, she starts to babble nervously about the reasoning behind it until he tells her to stop and admit the problem. She forces out that she doesn’t want to go to Washington with him, and asks him to sit. They talk about what it means, and what they want from their relationship. She loves that Will gets to do this, but admits that she’s scared of resenting him and pulling away if she goes with him. “I would rather be here, far from you but feeling really close than close to you but feeling really far away.” Will finally catches on that forcing Emma to accompany him will ruin their relationship, and they agree to go long distance for the grand total of three months, with plenty of weekend visits.
Will goes to break the news to the other love of his life, Finn Hudson. Will compliments Finn’s enthusiasm with the musical, and when Finn struggles to pinpoint why he feels fulfilled by it, Will smiles and tells him “it’s called being a teacher.” Which leads him to his other point – he’s leaving for a while and he’d like to leave Finn to run the glee club in his absence. Finn starts to smile in disbelief as Will explains that he spoke to Figgins and that since glee club isn’t an actual class, they don’t need a certified teacher to run it – just an adult. “Mr Schue, I’m not an adult,” Finn says adorably, wrinkling his nose, and when Schue replies with “First of all, I think maybe it’s time you start calling me Will,” the exchange hits me right in the feels.
The mushiness is quashed immediately as Will states “You’re ready, and if you’re willing, I can promise you that there’s no greater joy in the world than helping a young boy like you turn into a man,” and I mean, come on, if that wasn’t intended to make him sound like an Ancient Greek pederast, then they really need to go over their scripts a bit more. Oh, Glee, at least I can always count on you to give me words that I literally cannot believe are coming out of people’s mouths on national television. Good to have you back.