Here are eleven reasons why we’ll miss the victim of last night’s unthinkable crime on Game of Thrones.
King Joffrey Lannister Baratheon, first of his name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is dead!
Our tears know no end, and our hearts bleed afresh with each echo of his name. Though no list could truly capture the essence of that singular sovereign, here are eleven reasons why we will miss the young, golden king.
“Everyone is mine to torment!”
Ever a man of the people, King Joffrey always made it clear how close he felt to his family, his court, and the smallfolk. The ultimate hands-on ruler, it’s hard to imagine there was ever a king who wanted as much influence over the fate his subjects as sweet King Joffrey.
King Joffrey was a deeply just ruler. Eddard Stark was a traitor to king and realm, but while some may have sentenced the former Hand of the King to torture or dismemberment, King Joffrey gave Stark a clean and merciful death for his crimes.
King Joffrey was also devoted to his first betrothed, Sansa Stark. In spite of her traitor’s blood and inability to appreciate Joffrey’s sensitive nature, the King always strove to make his future bride happy. He was devoted to reuniting the girl with whatever parts of her family he could get his hands on. We can only dream of the joy that might have been if he had succeeded.
JOFFREY: “Where’s your respect for tradition, uncle?… Get rid of her gown. She won’t be needing it any longer.”
When his vile uncle Tyrion Lannister tried to deprive his young bride of the traditional Westerosi bedding ceremony, King Joffrey staunchly stood up for the ways of the realm. Perhaps if Joffrey had prevailed in forcing Tyrion and Sansa naked into to their marriage bed as tradition demanded, the Imp and the traitor’s daughter might have had a happier marriage.
Even before he ascended to the throne, Joffrey was the model of chivalry and bravery. The young prince stood tall against a fearsome peasant boy holding a stick, when the brutish lad began to attack Arya Stark. But the future king found his kindness rebuffed, and suffered serious wounds at the hands of the Stark girl and her vicious puppy. Thankfully, Joffrey survived the terrifying incident, and the gods let us keep his sweet soul a while longer.
I like her pretty.”
Sadly, Joffrey was given the burdens of kingship during a turbulent time in Westeros. When the cowardly traitor Robb Stark refused to face his punishment in King’s Landing, the young king was forced to chastise Sansa in his place. But ever considerate, Joffrey made certain that the kingsguard would only beat Sansa’s body and not her face, sparing her from embarrassingly visible wounds that might have diminished her beauty.
No homage to King Joffrey would be complete without complementing the young king’s fierce intellect. Joffrey was enthusiastic about history, and always eager to share what he knew about the violent deaths of the Targaryens who reigned before him. We can only hope that history will remember this scholarly king as it does his predecessors.
From a young age, Joffrey was a keenly honest boy, even when it came to his own family. The rumored infidelity of his father, King Robert, must have weighed heavily upon the boy, and he eventually confronted Queen Cersei with his suspicions. Respectful as always, Joffrey was careful to be as direct as possible when speaking to his mother, using just the right words to learn the truth.
King Joffrey was a visionary, seeing no differences between the hierarchies the smallfolk build for themselves. Joffrey stood staunchly for equality among the peasantry, believing that butcher and baker, man and child, shit-thrower and non-shit-thrower, must all be treated equally under the king’s justice.
Embracing his role as king must have been a challenge for young Joffrey, who was an innocent child when his father Robert died. But the boy grew rapidly through his short reign, eventually arriving at a keen understanding of the complex nature of kingship. Truly, Joffrey can be said to embody the god-like power of an absolute ruler, inspiring deep terror awe in his subjects through his succinct summation of what it means to sit the Iron Throne.
Alas, our sweet dead king will never live to count to five.
Graphics and formatting by the inimitable Harri Sargeant.