They say nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. We would like to add “unpromising” new fall comedies to that list.

Every year, networks dole out dozens of new comedies, hoping to produce the next HIMYM, Modern Family or The Office. Unfortunately for them, most fail to achieve such prestige (even if you didn’t like the How I Met Your Mother finale, it was on for nine seasons, which is no small feat).

When looking to compile this list, we noticed that NBC was distinctly lacking in comedies. Not surprising, given they announced they are doing away with the Thursday comedy block that anchored 30 Rock, The Office, Community and Parks and Recreation for most of their runs.

On the other hand, many comedies that look less-than-stellar come to us from ABC, home to the soapy drama shows. Over the past couple of seasons, the network has tried to capitalize on Modern Family momentum and while they are bringing back The Goldberg’s for season 2, we’re not sure their freshman comedies will have much luck out of the gate this fall.

As always, it is important to remember that we are basing our opinions off of three to five minute trailers/previews of the show. They are designed to entice both advertisers and viewers, but don’t necessarily shine the best light on their shows. Another note about the list below; we did not include any mid-season comedies, but believe us, there are a lot of them.

Without further ado, we present the five least promising new comedies of the Fall 2014 season!

‘Selfie’ – ABC

Oh Karen Gillian, we’re so sorry your first foray into American network television has to be Selfie. Did the ABC producers learn nothing fromm last year’s disastrous Super Fun Night? This plot, a reimagined My Fair Lady, tries to place itself in the middle of pop culture by featuring Eliza Dooley, a self-involved woman who can get thousands of Instagram likes, but realizes she has no friends in real life. Internet fame won’t get you everywhere in life, kids! That is the moral of the story.

The only saving grace for Selfie is John Cho. Because he is the saving grace in most television shows he appears in.

‘The McCarthys’ – CBS

It’s a multi-cam comedy about a family in Boston. Jokes about the Celtics, Dunkin Donuts and all the stereotypes that come with having a close family are told within the three-minute trailer, leaving little else to interest viewers to tune in. The characters feel primarily one-dimensional, as any potentially sincere moment is closely followed by a joke and a big laugh from the audience. After last year’s success with The Millers, CBS is probably looking to recreate that dysfunctional-yet-loveable family. Despite the fact the story is based on “writer Brian Gallivan’s real life,” it would probably behoove them to reestablish some dynamics in the show to create a more original comedy.

‘Manhattan Love Story’ – ABC

Let’s just sit here in awe for a moment after watching that trailer. The opening shots – the man coveting women’s bodies while the woman seriously considers mugging someone for her purse – pretty much set the tone for this show. He’s superficially interested in women, she’s fairly materialistic and new to New York City. Set up on a blind date, she ends up running out of the restaurant crying for… being embarrassed? We don’t have much else to say about the show. Their internal monologues will probably get old, fast. It stars Greek alum, Jake McDorman (Evan Chambers) and Analeigh Tipton (probably best known as Jessica, the babysitter in the film Crazy, Stupid, Love).

‘Last Man on Earth’ – Fox

Are we missing something? Sure we love Will Forte, but the trailer is four minutes of Forte running around, destroying works of art and belting the Star Spangled Banner to an empty Dodgers stadium. The ‘last man on Earth,’ his voice echoes around the world as we see landmarks like the Eiffel Tower and Big Ben in pristine condition. We’re not saying Last Man on Earth will be bad, but we are saying it doesn’t show a lot of promise. Where do they go with it? What will be season 5? Heck, what will be episode 2? If he does find another person (probably female), where do they go from there? So many questions.

‘Marry Me’ – NBC’

We love Casey Wilson. We love the fact that Casey Wilson is rightfully starring in her own show alongside Ken Marino. But man does this show need some work. All of the writing is over the top, never slowing down the moment the trailer begins with Annie (Wilson) yelling about how she expected to be proposed to on vacation at the very second her boyfriend (Marino) is down on one knee.

Are you looking forward to any of these shows? Do you agree with our picks?

Have you seen our picks for the five least promising new dramas? Be sure to check our most promising dramas and comedies next week!
Full disclaimer: because this writer loves comedies, she will most likely give all of the above a shot. Except maybe Selfie. Karen Gillian’s American accent has some work to do.