Dear Diary,
Life’s been really difficult since I left my family to venture alone into the apocalypse and join the infected. Who knew surviving alone could be so hard?
I was staying with a woman and a boy for a bit, until they decided to go find his father (not like a Maury episode, they just got separated somehow). I got along well with the boy. In case you haven’t noticed yet, Diary, I get along well with kids.
Anyway, they invited me to join them but I think my years as a junkie taught me I’m better alone. The woman was kind enough to give me a backpack of supplies to just last me until I made it to Tijuana though, so off I went.
For a while I walked a lonely road, one I’ve never known. I couldn’t be sure where it went, but I hoped it led to Tijuana. I walked an empty street, on the boulevard of… What’d that sign say? Tijuana 100… 100 what?
When night time arrived, I figured I’d better find a place to sleep for the night. I picked a house I thought was long abandoned, and fell asleep. I was rudely awoken in the middle of the night by a woman with a baseball bat. For a moment I forgot what show I was on. Was that Lucille? Fortunately not.
Unfortunately though, this woman had it in her head that I was going to hurt her daughter, despite the fact I was sound asleep, had no weapons, was no where near her daughter, nor made attempts to get near her. I tried to get my bag as I was violently hustled out, but only managed to leave with bruises.
With nothing else to do, I kept walking. I ended up coming across some abandoned cars. I didn’t try to see if any of the cars worked so I could drive the rest of the way instead of walking. Instead, I pillaged one and found an almost empty water bottle and a radio. It’s been a while since I’ve heard any news about the world (has Britney come out with a new album? Has Marvel finally announced a Black Widow film?), so I turned it on and tried finding a station with signal.
Just then an intimidating trio of armed men pulled up in a jeep. I immediately ducked for cover, but didn’t turn off the radio, because it wasn’t working anyway, so why bother? But whoops! Turns out it found a signal at just the wrong moment, as radios are wont to do in films and television.
With my cover blown, I booked it off the road with the men shooting after me. Miraculously they missed every time, even though I was basically running in a straight line.
I managed to outrun them, and continued walking into the vast unknown nothingness. I got hungry and thirsty, but the only thing around me was sand and cacti. I’ve seen enough movies to know what to do next. With maximum effort, I crack that prickly bastard open to get the water inside. Except there is no water. It’s totally dry. Waste not want not though, right? I ate it instead. Bad idea.
I threw up the cactus. Thirstier than ever now, I was left with one option: Obviously I had to drink my pee. It’s what every other down and out hero does.
It was disgusting but I kept it down.
When the sun set, I fell asleep beside a rundown bus. Apparently my time squatting during my junkie days, and living in an apocalypse still hasn’t prepared my nerves to be alert while I’m asleep because yet again I was abruptly awakened. This time I was being attacked by wild dogs. I suddenly missed the crazy bat lady.
I tried to take refuge on top of the bus because dogs can’t climb, only cats can do that. I forgot dogs can jump though. I’d almost made it to the top, but one of the dogs got my leg and tore at it until I managed to shake him off. Trapped on top of the bus with no where to go, my situation seemed dire. Of course it got worse though, as a horde of infected started coming in my direction. The dogs tried, in vain, to fight them off, but ended up as the infected’s food.
I guess someone was looking out for me because next thing I hear gunshots that totally distracted the infected and lead them away. This gave me an opportunity to eat some dog and pilfer an infected’s belt to use as a tourniquet for my leg. Good thing that one, legless infected’s pants didn’t fit him right. I took a moment to cover myself in his blood and guts too, before heading out to join the pack. Gotta look good for my friends, right?
As we shambled down the road we eventually ran into the gun toting camo pant men again. They opened fire on us, and for a moment I thought they even recognized me. At first I thought they were shooting at me, but they missed so badly I figured maybe it was all in my head. I mean, no one’s that bad a shot.
Eventually my gutty gang overtook one of the guys and the other two peaced out real fast. I was overtaken too, but not by the herd. Death had me in its grip, but that was okay because I don’t fear death, I welcome it. Except, it started to rain, so I guess I wasn’t supposed to die yet.
Rejuvenated by the natural shower I so desperately needed but never want, I continued walking, not quite alive, not quite dead, and still unafraid. I ended up in a small, deserted town, and looked for whatever I could find (which was nothing, that’d be too convenient). At a barber shop I began bandaging my leg when Luci (not to be confused with not-Lucille from earlier) and her cohorts appeared.
We worked through a language barrier (because despite living in the United States my whole life, I couldn’t remember what ‘dog’ was in Spanish), and she gave me some of her water. Luci also gestured at me and said some stuff I didn’t understand. But she wanted me to follow, so I did.
Good thing I trusted her without knowing anything about her! She brought me to an English-speaking ‘doctor’ (I still don’t actually know what he is) who fixed me up and told me to stop being stupid and egging death on. I’ll probably take that advice for now, but knowing me, I’ll do something stupid soon enough.
Afterwards, the maybe-not-doctor let me outside, and boy oh boy was that a sight! People are happy, and living life normally, as if nothing weird is going on outside these walls! I bet nothing weird is going on inside the walls either!
I’ll write more after some soccer.
– Nick #IDontFearTheWalkingDead
P.S. Diary, can you explain to me why I keep having flashbacks? I don’t get the point.