“Icons Night” — because heaven forbid we have a theme-less week — was tricky for our stars. They already paid homage to their hometowns, their memorable years, TV shows, and famous dances. So, unsurprisingly, the stars had to scrounge around for an eclectic mix of icons.
It was a good week on DWTS. Erin Andrews was back as a co-host, which automatically makes everything so much better. Good thing she was on hand, because there was a lot to talk about with the stars on a night with some very emotional, and some very unusual, beats. The judging, too, was more on point than it has been in recent memory — the judges attempted a novel approach of actually judging the dancing technique, and got it right!
The couple heading home, landing in seventh place, are Andy and Allison! In a way, it’s a shame, because Andy seems like a perfect DWTS contestant — personable, good-looking, able to dance, with a sob story and a sense of humor. Unfortunately, Allison (who remains our least favorite pro) squandered all of that by seemingly never teaching Andy any dance technique. Andy had been coasting for a while on likability and the presence of weaker contestants; unfortunately the latter has run out.
Sure enough, he landed at the bottom of the leaderboard, even when adding in his points from the dance-off. Andy’s heart was in the right place, but his feet weren’t. His icon was Stevie Wonder, but that was a roundabout way of paying tribute to his late mother with “Isn’t She Lovely?” There were an awful lot of feelings, and Andy’s tears almost set off the whole ballroom. But the judges, displaying remarkable presence of mind, called Andy out for his shoddy dancing — bad posture, bad foot placement, and so forth. He got a 22. The judges must have been privy to his coming elimination, since they spent the entire two hours saying to him (and only him), “If you’re back next week…”
After the individual round of competition, all the couples (except for Nick and Sharna) competed in the dance-off. The show still maintains the illusion that the dance-offs (and the attendant two points) matter, and the contestants humor that. This time, for a change, the audience was asked to vote on the winner live. These audience votes did not actually mean anything, but gave us fascinating insight into the voting patterns in general.
Derek has also figured out how to play the system. When asked to pick his competitor, he just requested a couple to dance jive against them. That way, he and Bindi get to pick the dance style they’re doing, which is a much bigger boon than picking couples. And, of course, should anyone try to pull a fast one, they become the villains and lose the audience vote. Bravo, Derek!
The first dance-off was the jive, between Bindi and Carlos. Bindi and Derek weren’t doing much until halfway through the dance, whereas Carlos and Witney were dancing a proper jive all the way through. The judges were unanimous in picking Carlos as the winner, and rightly so. There was much camaraderie, with Bindi and Carlos doing a lift together at the end. The fact that only 64% voted for Bindi, whereas she is the clear favorite, shows what a shoddy job Bindi did… but also shows just how sizable her share of the popular vote is if she still got almost a two-thirds majority.
The second dance-off was cha-cha, between Tamar and Alexa. Tamar didn’t dance at all, while Alexa gave it her all and did a good job. We don’t know what Julianne and Bruno were smoking when they gave it to Tamar — over three quarters of the audience rightfully voted for Alexa.
The last dance-off was between Alek and Andy, in the samba… which neither of them had ever done, and neither of them did tonight. Both attempted half-hearted stationary samba walks, and then called it quits. Alek reverted to his standby of lifting Lindsay, whereas Andy threw it all to the wind, and did a back flip into The Worm. That cinched it for Andy, who did an encore of the move upon being eliminated. He barely edged out Alek in the popular vote as well (54%).
Now, let’s welcome our stars!
First Place, 33 points (30+3): Nick & Sharna. Let the tears flow! Our adorably earnest Backstreet Boy decided his biggest inspiration is his wife Laura. He then revealed that he and Laura have been trying for a baby, lost one, but are now four months pregnant! He and Sharna danced a breathtakingly beautiful and emotional contemporary (which became a specialty of Sharna’s last season). After the dance, everyone was crying, and Laura was looking at Nick with such pure love in her face, she was called over for the judging and scores. Nick received a perfect score, and as a bonus gift, the news that he was expecting a little (Backstreet) boy. This writer needed most of the commercial break to dry his eyes.
Second Place, 30 points (28+2): Tamar & Val. They were doing major damage control this week after Tamar inadvertently became this season’s villain last week. We don’t especially buy that the video packages painted her as something she’s not — Tamar has been awful since the very beginning. Tamar’s icon is her sister Toni Braxton (of season 7, where she placed eighth), and Tamar did a good paso doble.
Third Place, 29 points (27+2): Carlos & Witney. Marc Anthony is Carlos’ inspiration, and Carlos’ package saw him going to a Marc Antony concert to get in touch with his inner Latino. The more important part of rehearsal happened when Val dropped by rehearsal to help Carlos with his hips. Witney, who has the best interests of America in mind, got video of a shirtless Carlos and Val salsa-ing, which will surely get enough votes to escape elimination next week. Carlos’ salsa was decent, even if his footwork wasn’t stellar. The whole thing looked more presentable once Carlos got rid of his XXXL shirt, which was one of the least flattering costumes ever seen on the show.
Fourth Place, 28 points: Bindi & Derek. Bindi has neglected to mention that her toenails are falling off from all the dancing, because she just superglues them on and gets on with it. There’s being a trooper, and then there’s Bindi! For her hero, she chose Grace Kelly, and she and Derek did a very classy foxtrot homage. The judges, who need to find something to prevent perfect thirties from here on out, picked on Bindi’s shoulder because she’s “in a class of her own.”
Last Place (tie), 25 points: Alexa & Mark. Even the producers were dubious when Alexa explained that her icon was David of David-and-Goliath fame. But through her determination and Mark’s sheer ingenuity, we got one of the coolest numbers of the night — a Biblical Argentine tango. To everyone’s chagrin, Alexa slipped a little twice, marring what was otherwise a perfect dance. Nevertheless, Alexa is peaking at exactly the right time (even if scores don’t reflect it).
Last Place (tie), 25 points: Alek & Lindsay. One of the more interesting choices of icons was Alek’s, who chose American Sniper Chris Kyle as his hero — it definitely seemed an unconventional choice. But even more interesting was the judges’ critique of Alek’s dance, which was unlike any we’d seen in recent times. Bruno contained himself and spoke calmly and coherently the whole way through. Both Carrie Ann and Julianne called Lindsay out for her crap choreography, giving Alek a contemporary that was literally nothing but lifts. Alek did some much needed redemption for acting like a sore loser last week, and got it by focusing on the pressures of becoming a “hero” overnight when he’s still a regular guy. To drive home the point, he danced to a dreadful version of “I Need a Hero” – why can DWTS not ever perform this song properly?