This week was the much-hyped Switch-Up Week, and with very few exceptions, it was an unqualified success. The night had a bit of everything: lie detectors, perverse milkmen, giant snakes, farts and balls, perfect scores, showmances, and puberty.

Maks returned as a guest judge for the week. Though we may not like him, giving credit where it’s due, he did a great job, offering insightful critique and reasonable scores. Because there was no elimination this week, most of the pros seemed to feel they had license to go nuts, and threw some of their best choreography at the switched-up stars. In general, the Switch-Up seemed to go much better for most stars than usual.

At the halfway point, we also have an interesting conundrum of not really knowing who will make the finals. In fact, other than Paula Deen, any of the remaining stars could make a run of it. Bindi and Nick seem like the givens, having all the necessary assets like winning personalities, dance ability, and popular partners. If we had to guess, Alek would be the third finalist. There will likely be four finalists, however, and that’s where it gets tricky. The PenaVegas certainly have the talent, and at times seem like absolute contenders, but they are not as consistently good. Andy would get to the finals with any other partner, but is limited by Alison. Tamar has the dancing ability to stay on, but not the attitude to get votes. Hayes’ dancing has also been rather inconsistent, but he’s hard to quantify, given we don’t know the size of his Vine fanbase. Who do you think will make the finals?

Aside from the dancing, this week introduced what may be our new favorite segment: The Ugly Truth, where contestants are asked questions in the presence of a lie detector test. It really just needs to be watched, otherwise we’d quote its entirety:

First Place, 40 points: Alexa & Derek. Whichever star was partnered with Derek got lucky, and this time it was the one in need of redemption: Alexa. Focusing on boosting her self-esteem after last week’s mishap, Derek created a bonkers “dystopian tango,” complete with backup dancers that Alexa kept up with. And now her confidence has backup: the season’s first perfect score. Of note, other than the twin tragedies of Sabrina Bryan, the celebrity with the first perfect score has always made it to at least the top four.

Second Place, 39 points: Carlos & Lindsay. It’s official: the judges have forgotten what a quickstep actually looks like. We certainly couldn’t tell this was supposed to be one. Practically none of it was in hold, there was jive and Charleston and every dance known to man other than quickstep in this routine. Lindsay fixed up Carlos’ technique, though, so props to her for that, but this is disappointing choreography (and equally disappointing judging).

Third Place, 37 points: Bindi & Val. As Tom said, “Can we keep Bindi for next season, too?” Her energy is infectious, making it impossible not to grin when she’s on screen, and she excels with any given partner. Val, who finally has a partner that isn’t contrary, thrived this week by giving Bindi a high-energy cha-cha. He seemed so much more comfortable in rehearsal (until a giant snake showed up). His brother Maks gave a 10 “because he can,” and we’re hard-pressed to argue.

Fourth Place, 36 points: Andy & Sharna. Andy hit the jackpot in Switch-Up week, going from the worst female pro to possibly the best one. No surprise, his scores skyrocketed under Sharna’s tutelage. She created an epic Argentine tango, including one lift and dismount that made this writer gasp. Even more fun was Sharna’s tips on how to create a sensual face: Pretend you just smelled a fart. Per Andy, “farts and balls” made this happen. Whatever works!

Fifth Place, 35 points: Nick & Witney. Some pros thrive during the Switch-Up, and some really don’t. Witney is in the latter camp; she had a bad experience with it last time (taking bad scores personally), and this week she just wasn’t into it. This allowed Nick to take the reins during rehearsal and call the shots about practicing and choreography. While their paso was good, Nick and Witney just do not have chemistry. Witney is too young to appreciate a Backstreet Boy, and Nick does better with a strong partner to lead him. It’s not the end of the world, but I think both are looking forward to returning to their original partners.

Sixth Place, 30 points: Hayes & Alison. Hayes got the raw end of the Switch-Up, getting Alison as a partner. Surprisingly, Alison got closer to choreographing a proper dance than she usually does, but as usual seems to have neglected teaching her partner any technique. Hayes made an admirable attempt at the Viennese waltz, but bounced rather than rising and falling, and just looked awkward for much of it. Also, his voice is cracking because puberty is still a thing -– aww!

Seventh Place (tie), 29 points: Alek & Emma. Showmance alert! Alek and Emma rather liked the Switch-Up. Emma finally has a partner who is “just ripe enough,” as opposed to “too ripe” (all her partners before this season) or “not ripe enough” (Hayes), one who is more “hench” than she thought (which is apparently British for ripped). And Alek is awed by Emma’s hotness. Their video package featured perhaps the most overt flirting we’ve seen on this show, continuing on into their rhumba.

From a technical standpoint, the rhumba wasn’t great. There were bent knees (*insert gasps of horror*) and much of the routine was Alek “manhandling” Emma as she posed. However, the dance was definitely the start of something new, which Shipper-in-Chief Erin was all too eager to explore. After Alek admitted he was happy manhandling Emma’s bum, they agreed to go on a date, as giddy matchmaker Lindsay looked on approvingly.

Seventh Place (tie), 29 points: Tamar & “Living Legend” Louis. This turned out to be a perfect switch-up: Louis finally got a partner who can dance, and Tamar got a partner who (unlike Val) won’t put up with any of her crap (as Louis explained in his DWTS audition tape — a true gem that included a running split). Seizing his one chance all season to choreograph a proper routine, Louis created one of the best sambas this show’s ever seen. Unfortunately, Tamar was not up to the task — her footwork was sloppy and she barely kept up.

Last Place, 26 points: Paula & “Perverted Milkman” Mark. There is so much about this segment we wish we could unsee. Mark’s selling of milk was the creepiest thing to ever happen on this show, and we’re not even getting into Paula’s flashing or her cookies. As to the dancing — it was the most tepid jive in recent memory, but the score inflation got Paula sevens from Carrie Ann and Julianne (who banded together this week to needlessly inflate scores). Excuse us, we’re off to get some mind bleach.

Which of the switched-up couples was your favorite? What freaked you out more, Paula and Mark or the giant snake? And do you ship Alek and Emma?