Between hometown glories two weeks ago and memorable years this week, we’ve really gotten to know our stars well over the past month.

Dancing with the Stars’s Most Memorable Year has never been a very good theme for a week – it pits sob stories against each other, and the frenzy of emotions always dilutes the impact of each story. However, the memorable years were surprisingly upbeat this year – we didn’t even cry until the last dance of the night, and that had been teased so much over two hours, we were ready for a good cry.

Alfonso filled in as host because Tom had to be with his family. He did a good job, but Tom somehow makes it seem so effortless. We look forward to getting Tom back as host next week. It was also a week full of announcements – Witney’s engaged! Allison’s pregnant! The judges got in on the “most memorable year” fun, leading to some crazy shenanigans. Bruno’s most memorable year was when he starred in Elton John’s music video in 1983… recreated brilliantly by Sasha.

The couple heading home, at long last, is Garey and Anna, leaving in tenth place. Anna therefore becomes the pro who’s been in the most seasons without winning (eleven, surpassing Edyta’s ten seasons). For his final dance, Garey performed an appalling travesty of a jive to commemorate his acting, Oscar, and brain damage.

Now, since we’ve no idea what scores and votes count for what, let’s welcome our stars in order of today’s scores!

First Place, 28 points: Bindi & Derek. Over the course of two hours, couple after couple received all nines, and the question was whether anyone would achieve that elusive ten paddle that signified perfection. Bruno finally gave it to Bindi after she brought everyone to tears – herself, her family, the judges, the hosts, the audience, and even the camera crew filming rehearsal. Bindi and Derek danced a contemporary, code for “don’t bother with rules, just give us the feels.” She was dancing in honor of her father, Steve Irwin, with whom she had a special bond before he died during her childhood. Excuse us while we compose ourselves.

27 points: Nick & Sharna. Blatant fanservice, and no complaints here! Nick, who may be the most adorably earnest contestant the show’s ever had, danced to honor the other Backstreet Boys, who saved him from a tough life. He and Sharna danced to “Backstreet’s Back,” which they had to do at some point this season, and under the guise of “jazz” they just danced Backstreet-style. Everyone in the ballroom was giddy with excitement at being at an ersatz BSB concert, Sharna was living every girl’s dream dancing on stage with a Backstreet Boy, and Nick was having a ball. Everybody… yeah…

Second Place (tie), 27 points: Tamar & Val. How about that! Tamar, who’s been harping on about how anti-feminist everything in ballroom dancing is, focused her most memorable year on two men!  She and Val did a good rhumba, she got all weepy, and they were the first to reduce Carrie Ann to tears (by reaching into her soul or something).

Second Place (tie), 27 points: Hayes & Emma. Hayes’s most memorable year was last year, when he became a Vine star despite being incredibly shy. He and Emma performed a very impressive contemporary – a complex routine with a lot of tempo changes, where Hayes never missed a beat. The judges waxed rhapsodic, and we think Hayes has cemented himself as a contender.

Third Place, 25 points: Carlos & Witney. Carlos’s most memorable year was when he found religion and his wife all in one week, so Witney created an ephemeral waltz set to “Amazing Grace.” The lighting for this number was inspired, just a very bright white spotlight on the couple – it really looked heavenly. It sure reduced Alexa to tears. Caros’s posture was a big problem in the waltz, and might continue to be, but his footwork and his emoting is great.

Fourth Place, 24 points: Alek & Lindsay. Alek was talking about 2015 being the best year of his life because the terrorist on the Paris train was foiled and there was a happy end to the story. But irony’s a bitch, and right after those happy feel-good interviews, there was a shooting in Alek’s hometown, where he would have been were it not for the extraordinary events of the last two months. Full of emotional turmoil, Alek was not in a good mental place to dance. He also was not given a good opportunity to dance – a paso doble (not an emotional dance) set to “Wake Me Up.” We can scarcely think of a song less suited to paso.  Alek and Lindsay barely kept up, frantically sprinting through their paso, and did really well for what they had to work with.

Fifth Place, 23 points: Andy & Allison. Allison’s pregnanet, which should be… interesting in the coming weeks. Andy danced to his first popular song, which he wrote right after his mother suddenly passed away from breast cancer. Message aside, this dance was atrocious – there was not a single hip movement in this entire cha-cha, and Andy’s legs were a disaster. Seriously, what is Allison teaching him all week if not the dance technique? We can’t wait to see him flourish with a different partner next week.

Sixth Place, 21 points: Alexa & Mark. Alexa had a change of pace this week, doing a ballroom dance for the first time. She was doing really well, but blanked for a moment at the end of her foxtrot and flubbed the steps. Mark came up with some incredibly inventive choreography that involved the couple dancing with an umbrella for most of the number. Alexa’s most memorable year was 2000, when she booked Spy Kids, and had the support of her family through it all. She honestly shouldn’t be this low on the leaderboard after one misstep, especially given she topped it last week, but she’ll bounce back.

Last Place, 18 points: Paula & Louis. Alek managed to do a paso at double-speed, but Paula had to do a cha-cha at half-speed, and still utterly screwed up. The slow-mo cha-cha only served to highlight all of Paula’s mistakes. Her most memorable year was when she got a divorce and started her own business, and to that effect her dance routine was boxed in by words like “hope” and “courage.” The judges kept trying to convince Paula that she’s awesome; she’s not convinced and neither are we. Louis is barely containing his glee at the prospect of the Switch-Up next week.  There was also an incident involving the whipping of her hair back and forth, but we’re trying to forget that as best we can.

Whose dance was most memorable for you? Did Bindi make you cry? And what pairings would you like to see in the Switch-Up next week?