“The Night of Famous Dances” may go down in infamy as the most disappointing night of the season thus far. Most seasons have an off week or two, and this was it.

Some of that is due to the inherent problems with a “famous dances” theme – the reason dances are famous is because they’re just about perfect, so they’re very hard to improve upon. So the pros have the unenviable task of crafting an homage to a famous dance that somehow includes ballroom dancing – if they stray too far from the material, they’re damned for failing to live up to the dance, whereas if they copy it too exactly, they’re damned for merely ripping off the number.

Some of the badness is due to substitute co-host Leah Remini. In our opinion, Remini is actually the worst co-host this show’s seen, and that includes Brooke Burke-Charvet and Samantha Harris. She was talking about what she thought of the dance instead of actually interviewing stars, and lacked all of Erin’s warmth and humor.

But the biggest problem stemmed from the producers, who seemingly went out of their way to pick the famous dance that stars were least suited for. Give Grease to the kid who’s never seen it, Magic Mike to the religious one, and Madonna to the conservative old lady.

Olivia Newton-John was a perfectly serviceable guest judge. She did a fine job, unlike many others, but she also did not really add much to the judging table.

At least the night ended on something of a high note, because the couple eliminated in ninth place is… Paula and Louis! It was only a matter of time, and Paula’s scores were so far under water that no amount of voting could save her (not that she endeared herself to the audience). This is Louis’s second-worst finish ever, bettering only his tenth place finish with Margaret Cho (season 11) and when he was the first eliminated pro ever in Season 1.

For Paula’s closing performance, she paid tribute to Madonna’s “Vogue” – not the iconic music video, but the mildly well-known MTV performance. Paula does not wear cone bras, she just likes being characters, so she became a character who did not move throughout her dance. At least their lavish costumes were funny, and per Tom, “On the plus side, Louis got to go exploring!” The judges pretended the lack of sexuality (rather than dancing) was the problem, and awarded all sixes.

It must be pointed out, the opening number was one of the highlights of the night – a medley set to “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” that paid homage to all the famous dances.

Now, let’s welcome our stars!

First Place (tie), 40 points: Bindi & Derek. The lone exceptional number of the night was Bindi and Derek paying tribute to Dirty Dancing’s “Time of My Life.” Derek, who has never been more nervous in his DWTS tenure, pulled out all the stops to get it right – calling in former partner Jennifer Grey and even wading into a really gross lake to practice the lift. It even smelled bad to Bindi, which is saying a lot! In direct contrast to his nerves, Bindi’s energy was at eleven this week as she fangirled Jennifer Grey and flipped out over her perfect score. No one puts Bindi in the corner! The end result was an absolutely magical dance, a perfect homage to the iconic dance even as it was transformed into a rhumba.

First Place (tie), 40 points: Andy & Allison. Andy and Allison did a tribute to “Good Morning,” which is something to do with Gene Kelly. The judges flipped out – the first time of many; they were very excitable. The dance, like half the others, was a jazz routine, so there’s no way to tell if it’s any good.

First Place (tie), 40 points: Tamar & Val. Another jazz number, which was a complete recreation of “Rhythm Nation.” The synchronicity was impressive. Tamar was as insufferable as ever, maintaining an arrogant “well, duh” attitude as the judges showered her with compliments. She was sick this week and lost her voice – shame it came back.

Second Place, 39 points: Nick & Sharna. Nick paid tribute to “Saturday Night Fever,” as Sharna expressed how difficult these tributes are on the pros. We can’t tell if it was any good, given how crowded, dark, and zoomed-out this number was. It got lots of tens, so let’s assume it was decent.

Third Place, 38 points: Carlos & Witney. A rhumba… to Magic Mike’s striptease… which is a famous and iconic dance… Seriously, what were the producers smoking? Apparently stripping is against Carlos’s religion, so he really struggled to bring the “balls to the wall… or the floor, literally” attitude Witney demanded. Credit must go to Witney for creating a rhumba-ish routine out of this, and she seemed to be enjoying herself. In a metaphor for the whole experience, Carlos did not manage to entirely rip his shirt, leaving it hanging sadly at his waist. He took it in stride, and body-rolled his way to raves from the judges (and an offer of a Vegas show from Olivia Newton-John).

Fourth Place, 32 points: Hayes & Emma. Now we get to the bottom half of the leaderboard, with a sharp dropoff. Hayes kicked off the night by doing “You’re the One That I Want” from Grease… despite having never seen the movie. Don’t worry Hayes, you’re not missing much! Having no idea who John Travolta or Olivia Newton-John is made things just a touch awkward when Olivia then had to judge his dancing. The routine was fine, though there was barely any dancing in the first half. There were some ambitious tricks toward the end – those could be fun in the freestyle round.

Last Place (tie), 30 points: Alexa & Mark. Alexa paid tribute to Britney Spears’s “I’m a Slave 4 U,” complete with a giant snake. Odd how only the girl dancing with a giant snake was not praised for her courage and bravery. The judges felt she was not as grounded as Britney or whatever, we were just happy to see something other than jazz. It’s awkward for Mark that her perfect 40 with Derek last week is both preceded and followed by sevens with Mark. His face fell during the scores, but when Leah prompted, he refused to say anything negative. Maybe if Leah had done that, people would have voted for her. Alexa was in jeopardy during the elimination, and that reduced her to tears, but here’s looking for a redemption arc next week!

Last Place (tie), 30 points: Alek & Lindsay. Alek had to do an Elvis-inspired jive. Ever a good sport, he dressed up as Elvis and went out into the streets to really get in character. It worked to an extent, but his jive still wasn’t great. Alek’s really been struggling the last few weeks, and needs to get it together – with Paula gone, there are only decent dancers left, and now no one really is safe.

Did you have the time of your life watching this? Do you find Magic Mike to be an iconic dance? And would you dance with a giant snake on live TV?