Welcome back to Dancing with the Stars! Now with a confusing Swich Up to spice things up! This season is off to a terrible start, with only a few endearing stars. But let’s take stock of the changes before going into the couples.

The only good change is having season 10 finalist, Erin Andrews, as Tom’s co-host. I never even realized how much good could come from a co-host until I watched last week’s premiere. Erin does not ask the dancers how they feel. Instead, she chats, asks nosy questions, and throws in some good-natured teasing. She’s like that sassy, gossipy girl you couldn’t help but like in high school – I particularly enjoy her ribbing of Maks.

The worst change is the new format of the show. They are attempting to have eliminations happen concurrently with the dancing, and it’s a hot mess. They tell people they’re safe, couples dance, they eliminate someone, more couples dance, and the flow of the show just keeps getting interrupted. There’s also some really terrible camerawork happening this season – whenever someone is talking, we get a shot of someone else watching them talk.

But enough grousing – let’s welcome our stars!

First Place (tie), 25 points: Charlie and Sharna (Tango). Charlie had to channel a bad boy this week, so (naturally) he went to Maks for advice. Maks’ sage advice mostly revolved around acting like a man-whore to show one’s confidence. I didn’t buy Charlie as a bad boy in his tango. Len came down hard on him for breaking hold – almost as if it’s a dance competition! – but no one else cared. My biggest problem is that between Charlie and Meryl, there’s maybe half a personality, and I’m just bored watching them.

First Place (tie), 25 points: Meryl and Maks (Swing). What a surprise, Charlie and Meryl at the top of the leaderboard. It’s almost as if they just won a gold medal for essentially ballroom dancing on ice… oh wait… Anyway, Meryl’s dance was fine – mostly going from lift to lift (even though Maks professed to being too old for this), with some time wasted running down the stairs. Meryl lost timing twice, but they got a 9 from Len anyway. Maks was so touched, he called Len “the one that matters” – aawww! This was a minute after Maks earnestly yelled that he’s not being disrespectful… it’s okay, the season’s still young!

First Place (tie), 25 points: James and Peta (Salsa). Now this was more like it! As season 18’s appointed stud, James suggested that he take off all his clothes in the next dance. He did not go through with it, merely opening his shirt, but Peta took his words to heart. She wore the most barely-there outfit this show’s seen since the departure of Edyta! Their salsa was fantastic – lots of energy, lots of fun, and good technique. Carrie Ann inducted him into the Sexy DWTS Guys Hall of Fame, where he joins Mario Lopez, Gilles Marini, and Corbin Bleu (who was present and looked a tad smug at this pronouncement). I think James and Peta might be one of my early favorites – I love their humor.

Second Place (tie), 24 points: Danica and Val (Samba). I cannot believe the routine they did! Last I checked, it was Week 2, yet Danica did one of the most ambitious samba routines I’ve seen on the show – the kind usually seen on Weeks 8 or 9, not right out of the gate! Val must have a lot of confidence in Danica. They have great chemistry, and Danica is a delight (she’s a math geek!). If they don’t get switched up, could this finally be Val’s season?

Second Place (tie), 24 points: Amy and Derek (Swing). Now THIS was a swing dance! I thought Meryl’s swing was good until I saw this, and then I remembered why Derek has five Mirrorballs and Maks has none. Amy and Derek were so in sync, you’d think they shared a brain. They hit every musical cue, seamlessly wove awesome lifts into the choreography. I love Amy’s sense of humor – can’t you just picture her legs flying across the ballroom? After crying almost every week last season, it is nice to have cheerful and upbeat stars. For all the talk that Derek will finally be humbled with a non-ringer… I won’t be too surprised if they sneak into the finals.

Third Place, 22 points: Cody and Witney (Tango). There’s been an invasion of teenage girls into the ballroom, most of whom seem primed for marriage to Cody (though how he’s supposed to look like a heartthrob is beyond me). Cody looks somewhat awkward dancing – he’s very tall and lanky, while Witney is very compact. But I do appreciate that Cody is into DWTS, and even contributes ideas for choreography! If he loses the rag constantly hanging out of his back pocket (seriously, why have that when dancing? or at all?), I might even send a vote his way.

Fourth Place (tie), 21 points: Candace and Mark (Rhumba). Apparently, Candace cannot do sexy things because she has a relationship with Jesus… or something. Ugh, she honestly seems to be a bit old for the DWTS Sexual Awakening Storyline. If she’s going to be a prude, she really has no business being on this show (or anywhere near Mark Ballas, for that matter). Her rhumba consisted of a lot of (non-sexy) flailing, and not much rhumba.

Fourth Place (tie), 21 points: Drew and Cheryl (Jive). We have found this season’s people-pleaser! Drew may not be the best dancer, but his energy is infectious, and his jive was a joy to watch. Bill Engvall made it to the final four last season, so we shall have to see how far Cheryl and Drew go. Usually it’s fast dances like the jive that prove to be the undoing for guys like Drew. Since he rose to the occasion admirably, we might be seeing plenty more of him.

Fourth Place (tie), 21 points: Nene and Tony (Jive). Nene performed a jive that was completely lacking sharpness. To add insult to injury, she did it in the ugliest getup I’ve seen in years on this show: flat shoes, and a dress that completely covered everything above the waist and nothing below it, all in a violent shade of pink. I find Nene to be incredibly grating; I really can’t wait to see the back of her. Tony actually called out Carrie Ann on her BS. Carrie Ann wanted big arms, even though it’s a jive, because she cares far more for how a dancer looks than about the actual technique of the dance in question. When Tony calls someone out, you know it’s bad!

Last Place, 15 points: Billy Dee and Emma (Tango). Not even two extra beautiful ladies dancing around him could distract from the atrocity of this would-be tango. Billy Dee just can’t move, and I really don’t understand why he’s still here. The judges appear to have left their 1 through 4 paddles at home, though I wish they wouldn’t. Billy Dee has got to go – here’s hoping for next week!

My early predictions for the finalists are James, Danica, and either Charlie or Meryl (whichever one first grows a personality). But there’s a chance Amy could sneak in there, especially if she stays paired with Derek. Who do you see making the finals?

We also saw our first two casualties of the season. The first couple to be eliminated was Diana and Henry. It’s a shame, but I guess that Diana (while a badass) is not very well-known. It also doesn’t help that Henry is a new pro without his own fanbase. Diana and Henry still performed their dance, sans judges scores. Their cha-cha was terrible, but I thoroughly appreciate how much Diana loves DWTS. It’s always nice to get superfans on the show!

The second casualty, surprisingly, was Sean and Karina. I really cannot fail to fathom why they would be the ones to go. This is Karina’s worst finish ever, in all her fifteen seasons as a pro. I actually enjoyed Sean and Karina’s salsa – it was a good performance, and Sean even managed to smile through it. They got a 21 from the judges. Sean’s sense of humor was endearing, and I’ll miss it.

What do you think of season 18? Did the right couples go home? Who do you want to be eliminated next? And who do you think belongs in the DWTS Sexy Guys Hall of Fame?