The Freestyles defied gravity, awoke sexuality, included gold spandex, and combined Mad Men with Hunger Games. The finals, meanwhile, defied expectation, awoke rage, included a miserably wrong elimination, and combined lots of pressure with lots of injuries.

Our stars are all falling apart, but they persevered through tonight. And wonder of wonders, for the first time in eight weeks there was no guest judge! For all my kvetching about them, it was good to be back to our steadfast trio. And they were delightfully kooky tonight. After the first number, Carrie Ann told Bruno, “I bet you like it tight!” Tom said in response, “Tonight we’ll be eliminating one couple and maybe two of our judges.” For the “Redemption Round,” the judges decided the Switch-Up was a huge mistake after all, and they wanted to see the stars do those dances with their rightful partners.

All of our pro finalists were mainstays: this is Derek’s record-setting eighth appearance in a final; Mark ties Derek and Cheryl’s previous record of seven final appearance; Maks is in his fifth final (and the only pro to appear in more than two finals but never win); and Peta was in the finals for a second time. All was going well until it was revealed that the couple eliminated is…

James and Peta! What the hell? This defies everything I’ve ever known about DWTS voting patterns – one hot guy among three girls being voted on by primarily women; frequently shirtless; a great dancer; emotional, funny, and charismatic as needed. Seriously, if I had to brew a perfect DWTS contestant in a lab, I think James would be the outcome. Honestly, I was going to peg him as the probable winner over Meryl.

But boy, did James and Peta go out with a bang! We got our kiss at long last! After making us wait until Week 10, as Erin pointed out, James and Peta had a major smooch mid-tango (or, as Tom put it, in their “tonsil hockey tango”). Peta went all giggly after the kiss, and it was the most fun show opening all season. Val, pay attention – THIS is how you do a showmance! Slow buildup, yes, but there has to be a payoff! Even in the farewell package, Peta remarked that they might date after DWTS is over. I don’t think I’ve ever shipped real people like this before, but come on!

Even aside from the kiss, their tango was superb. As Len said, “Sharp as a razor.” James’s technique was pretty much flawless, and the routine was my favorite of the night aside from Amy’s Freestyle. As for James’s freestyle… it was fine. They looked good (don’t they always?). James danced well, and pulled off a trick he’d worked on all week. There was a bit of martial arts thrown in. But whatever the concept was here (“Mad Men combined with Hunger Games,” per Bruno), it went over my head. The music did not do them any favors. So, it was a perfectly competent dance, but it wasn’t the kind of freestyle that wins DWTS. I began to worry about James’s odds of winning after this freestyle.

James’s backstory – because all the contestants got backstories this week – was a tearjerker about his brother being in a car accident, leading James to a “no day but today” attitude that made him pursue a music career. James and Peta got a 29 for each dance, landing in third on the leaderboard. Now, let’s welcome our final three!

First Place, 60 points: Meryl and Maks (Argentine Tango, 30 + Freestyle, 30). It’s hard to improve on Meryl and Val’s Argentine Tango (39/40), but M&M’s version was just as good. At long long last, Meryl is living up to her potential – this routine really highlighted her acrobatic ability. She made all those lifts look so easy; trust me, they’re not! Since Meryl can’t summon up any excitement, M&M’s new storyline is about Maks winning the Mirrorball at long last – Meryl even said she’d be “most excited for Maks to win.” Maks really wants this; I’ve been getting the feeling that if he doesn’t win he’ll call it quits for good.

For the freestyle, Meryl got a last-minute sexual awakening storyline. Was I the only one caught completely off-guard by this? I thought the storyline we were going for was Meryl’s taming of Maks. But apparently a “sexy Russian” (excuse you, Meryl’s friend, he’s Ukrainian) allows Meryl to discover her womanhood in a way Charlie couldn’t… or something. To represent this sexual awakening, Meryl was dancing in nude-colored lingerie and Maks was dancing in nothing but the fugliest pair of tights ever witnessed in the ballroom. Honestly, it looked so awful as to be utterly distracting. But Carrie Ann was still in tears over Meryl’s divinity. The judges were all in awe of this, with most of them attempting to give elevens. To that end, Bruno brought out his 1 paddle for the first time in eighteen seasons. I didn’t even know they made those! Ladies and gents, we just witnessed DWTS history.

Barring an upset by Candace, the finals are a two-horse race between Meryl and Amy. Normally, I’d give the edge to Amy – professional dancers are rarely awarded the Mirrorball (see: Mel B, Mya, Evan Lysacek, Zendaya, Corbin Bleu). Also going off history, Maks has yet to win, and is a very polarizing figure. However, we cannot ignore Meryl’s fanbase – it was big enough to get both Meryl and Charlie to the top five; now that it’s concentrated on Meryl, it could be formidable. Odds of winning: 45%.

Second Place, 59 points: Amy and Derek (Salsa, 30 + Freestyle, 29). Their salsa began with Derek playing Amy’s butt bongos, and then proceeded with a fantastic dance. The lifts in the salsa were of a freestyle caliber, integrated seamlessly with the salsa. Amy’s back is acting up again, but she powered through it. At this point, Amy makes the dancing look like it comes naturally, though it obviously does not.

There’s a reason producers leave Derek’s freestyle for last – because they are always showstoppers. Naturally, this was no exception. After an emotional package about Amy overcoming the loss of her legs, Derek and Amy danced a freestyle set to a song called “Dare You” (I’ll admit I hoped for “Defying Gravity,” but oh well). Every movement perfectly matched the lyrics, telling a story as words alone never could. At the end, Amy ascended to the heavens on a circus-style rope, and in that moment some transcendence was seemingly achieved for all the parties involved. Freestyles are supposed to be something special; considering most of the dances this season were treated as super-size freestyles, the other freestyles did not feel like anything out of the ordinary. But this, this was special.

Derek’s phenomenal freestyles have won the last two seasons, both times over contestants who were dancers for a living (Kellie Pickler over Zendaya in season 16, Amber Riley over Corbin Bleu last season). I think there is a very good chance of history repeating itself again, with Amy edging out Meryl. Amy definitely gets the sympathy vote (it’s been drilled into us week after week that she is very inspiring), and Derek probably has a sizable fanbase of his own. Amy is also so much more likable than Meryl, with a charming personality, and a perseverance through lots of adversity (in the competition and in life). Odds of winning: 50%.

Last Place, 51 points: Candace and Mark (Quickstep, 27 + Freestyle, 24). Even if Peta was Elsa only briefly, I’m not ready to let it go – Candace needs to be eliminated, pronto! She clearly is not in the same class as Amy, Meryl, James, Charlie, and Danica. Why is she still around?

Candace and Mark had a hellish week in rehearsal, and on Sunday (T-minus 1 day to finals) Mark really screwed up his arm and had to go to the hospital. My heart just goes out to him and Candace – it’s one thing to have an injury on Tuesday in Week 7, when you have time to come up with a plan B and hope to be better next week. The day before the finale is literally the worst time of all to get an injury like this, especially considering the lift-intensive freestyles! I don’t think we’ve had a bad injury so late in the game since Jennifer Grey started coming apart at the seams at the end of season 11. But Mark pulled it together, and though it was terrifying to watch, powered through the Quickstep. Shocker of shockers, Candace must have pulled off a miracle in the eleventh hour, because she performed a really good Quickstep! It was set to the most bizarre rendition of “Umbrella” I’ve ever heard, but it was enjoyable.

Candace’s freestyle, however, was not on par. She and her kids were flabbergasted at getting the only eights of the night, but let’s not pretend they were not deserved. She donned lots of gold spandex in some sort of homage to DJ Tanner (went over my head), but her dancing was not adequate for a final. Her storyline was about growing up and having body issues, and how she’s amazed at seeing her body on DWTS. I appreciated that it wasn’t about finding God, and she does look amazing now.

Barring an upset the likes of which we’ve never seen, Candace will not win. Still, her fanbase (whoever they are) has pulled her through this far, so there’s always a minute chance she could win. Odds of winning: 5%.

My final prediction is for Amy to win over Meryl (with Candace obviously in third place). I think Amy’s personality and Derek’s choreography together will prove victorious. But it could go either way at this point, so it should be a nailbiter of a finale.

Who do you think will win? Whose freestyle did you like best? And were you as excited as I was at glimpsing the elusive 1 paddle?