“Cher Night” on Dancing with the Stars season 17 was more about performing than dancing. We were treated to two great performances of Cher’s tonight.

Dancing with the Stars season 17, week 8 opened with a fun performance of Cher singing “Believe.” After the individual dances were done, Cher then performed “I Hope You Find It” – a great and very foggy number, but I was distracted by what looked like a murder of crows on Cher’s head. What was with that headpiece?

Cher is entirely unqualified to be a judge on Dancing with the Stars, since she knows nothing about ballroom dancing. Her critiques consisted entirely of saying that she loved how fabulous the couple was. DwtS is shedding the last vestiges of pretense about being a dance competition, and I’m not happy about it.

The couple heading home was… Brant and Peta! Of course, they were the wrong couple to head home; Leah needs to be booted off ASAP, and much as I love Bill, it’s his time to go. Both Brant and Peta’s eyes were welling up with tears when they were eliminated. I loved watching them dance because of how fun their performances always were, I just wish Peta would have put more content in their routines and challenged Brant more.

This is Peta’s worst finish (seventh place) since her first season, when she was eliminated first. I’ll miss Brant’s enthusiasm, but at least I’ll still get to see him on Pretty Little Liars. I fully expect Noel and Jenna to do a killer dance routine sometime next season!

The other couple in Not Necessarily the Bottom Two was Jack and Cheryl, and I’m glad they weren’t kicked off. I expect them to be the fourth finalist, and I will be really upset if they’re kicked off in lieu of Leah or Bill.

After individual dances were finished, the top couple (Amber and Derek) were declared safe, and the other couples had dance-offs against each other for a measly three judges points – as if those mattered! Here are how the dance-offs went.

Dance-Off #1: Cha-Cha. It was Corbin versus Elizabeth in a very even math-up. Corbin’s technique was not as good for the first half, before he got in the groove of things – shoddy footwork, bad posture, etc. But he did have a lot more cha-cha moves than Elizabeth, whom Val just spun around for a while. In the end, Corbin and Elizabeth’s burgeoning friendship won out, as they ditched their partners and started dancing together. Corbin and Karina were unanimously selected winners.

Dance-Off #2: Rhumba. Brant versus Leah in the dance of love. Both had iffy technique, but I thought Brant sold the performance better (he’s an actor in a soapy ABC Family series, so this is right up his alley). The judges chose Leah, with Bruno as the voice of dissent. Leah is getting progressively more obnoxious, egging Carrie Ann on when she was critiquing Brant. Poor Brant.

Dance-Off #3: Disco. Despite Bill’s obvious advantage, having just done a disco routine half an hour ago, Jack won in a unanimous decision. Despite losing sync with Cheryl at the beginning, he did a great job – better technique than Bill, and some impressive lifts. Bill, meanwhile, was so confident in his disco abilities that he tossed his partner aside – an interesting strategy!

So, let’s welcome our stars!

First Place, 28 points: Amber and Derek (Rhumba). This was an odd rhumba, because rhumbas are usually soft and sweet and romantic, with the girl following the guy’s lead. Instead, Amber was very much in charge and fierce this week, leading around a shirtless Derek. It was an interesting take on the rhumba, and was quite good. I thought Amber’s hips weren’t moving quite as they should, but her footwork’s gotten miles better.

Second Place (tie), 27 points: Corbin and Karina (Argentine Tango). If I’m being honest, I couldn’t take my eyes off Karina throughout this number – she was spellbinding! Corbin had a lot going on this week, so his dance was not as spectacular as it could have been with some extra hours put in, but it was still a great performance number. Cher was clearly clueless, having no critiques to offer other than “beautiful like a movie I saw about the tango,” and then entirely missing her cue to offer her score. Why is she here again?

Second Place (tie), 27 points: Brant and Peta (Foxtrot). Brant had a very on week, his hideous flesh-colored suit notwithstanding. They were foxtrotting to “It’s in His Kiss,” which Peta lip-synched to pretty intensely at the beginning. In general, it was a really good performance, with an intense kiss at the end. Carrie Ann actually offered valuable insight for once, saying that Brant needed to add finesse to his lines to make sure they look good on him – it’s true, Brant occasionally just looks weird in poses.

Second Place (tie), 27 points: Jack and Cheryl (Tango). Jack finally reached his potential this week, with a powerful tango that ended up with him getting likened to a god and a pimp. That was well and good, until the analogy extended to Cheryl being likened to a hooker, which she found offensive for some strange reason. The tango was superb though, with great footwork and frame along with a good performance. We also learned that Cheryl was named after Cher, which is kind of awesome.

Third Place (tie), 25 points: Elizabeth and Val (Jazz). I have no idea how to judge jazz, but the performance seemed fantastic to me. I loved that Elizabeth had a solo, and was actually doing more than Val was – no hiding behind her partner! Elizabeth had an epiphany midway through the week that she wanted to change songs, and it all seemed to work out in the end, even though Val’s stress level seems to be rising every week. Hopefully he won’t crack in the coming three weeks.

Third Place (tie), 25 points: Leah and Tony (Viennese Waltz). Leah is “ecstatic” because Cher won’t judge her on pesky things like the dancing technique. Hey everyone, remember how this is a dance competition? I know, I’d practically forgotten myself. Sure enough, a dance based on Cher’s personal life was “enough for” Cher, who gave a 9 to a merely passable Viennese Waltz. The performance here was good, but the technique is not quite there yet.

Last Place, 24 points: Bill and Emma (Disco). I don’t know why there was a random disco routine tonight, but I’m so glad there was! Clearly Bill is no great dancer, and is clinging on by the strength of his fan base, but this number was so much fun! Bill went for it 200%. Sure, it was out of sync and out of music and generally not that good, but no one cares. And the lifts were actually very impressive in this dance, possibly the best I’ve seen this season.

Are you sad to see Brant go home? What did you think of Cher guest-judging? And what was that on her head during “I Hope You Find It”?