The DWTS finals are off to a rollicking start, complete with trombones, guardian angels, sexy librarians, and the magic of childhood.

Laurie spoke for all of us: “It’s good to have you back Len!” Len returned in a sunny mood, and wasted no time in chewing out Carrie Ann. She styles herself the Lift Police, having taken on the role of docking points every time a girl’s feet leave the floor – the only critiquing she ever does of actual dancing. After she busted the first two couples for “lifts” tonight, Len finally burst out saying that it’s the intent that matters – there’s no need to dock points for a slip of the foot. Welcome back, Len!

This was Val’s sixth appearance in a final, overtaking his brother for third place among all professionals. Since Val has only been on eleven seasons total, this makes him the only pro aside from Derek to make the finals more than half the time. Sharna is in the finals for a third time: she got third place with Noah Galloway (season 20) and second place with Nick Carter (season 21). Lindsay’s in the finals for the second time, having gotten third with Alek Skarlatos (season 21). This was Gleb’s first final.

The scores were surprisingly deflated for a final – mostly nines for the Redemption Dance, and one of the freestyles didn’t get a perfect score for the first time in five seasons. Carrie Ann even brought eight paddles to a final – who does that?!

During the all-important freestyle round, all the contestants, to use Jana’s term, “stayed in their lane” because they all have such different styles of dancing. Emotional contemporary for Jana, energy and lifts for Calvin, athleticism and youth for Laurie, character and epic staging for James. When all was said and done, the couple eliminated in fourth place was…

Jana and Gleb! When it came down to it, they were the obvious choice: they received the lowest score in the first round (35), were the only ones not to get a 40 for their freestyle (36), and just were not quite as good as the others. We’d been rooting for them to make the finals from the very first week, so we’re glad they did make it.

This week, Gleb was sick, so the couple was once again struggling to power through injuries while doing a tango. Some things never change! They were redeeming their Week 2 tango, and they did a much better job just in terms of technique. We received a rehash of how Jana can’t dance with anyone but Gleb when Alan subbed in during camera blocking.

For the freestyle, they did an emotional contemporary about Jana’s journey. But because they needed a gimmick, Gleb decided they would be connected by a strip of silk… which was cool, if not quite revolutionary. There was some small stumble (though blasted if we could spot it), and Gleb looked near tears after messing up. But this was a fitting end to Jana’s DWTS tenure.

Now, let’s welcome our final three stars!

First Place, 78 points: Laurie & Val. Laurie’s choice of redemption dance was obvious: the season 5 paso where she stumbled a couple times, after she’d been at loggerheads with Val all week. Since then, she and Val have developed an incredible relationship, and Laurie had no trouble laughing about their former strife. Redemption was absolutely achieved in a fierce paso doble – as Len said, “There was nothing in that dance I didn’t like.”

Val stressed about the freestyle, and for good reason: of his five previous freestyles, only one was good enough to cinch it for the star in question (Rumer Willis, season 20). And with an obvious champ like Laurie, any loss would be blamed squarely on him. In the end, he decided on a freestyle that would perfectly capture Laurie’s youth and joie de vivre. The dance number was set at a playground, with Laurie in a yellow dress frolicking around it. The dance number was joy personified in Laurie – it may not be a freestyle for the ages, but it got the job done.

Laurie and Val did everything they could to win. She has a bubbly personality that has won over America, her dancing is incredible, and Val’s choreography has been on point. It all comes down to whether James managed to steal enough votes away from her. Season 20, the Olympic gymnast (Nastia Liukin) was surpassed by a natural entertainer who came out of the blue – Rumer Willis. Season 8, the Olympic gymnast (Shawn Johnson) managed to unseat the “best male dancer” of the time, Gilles Marini, by the narrowest of margins. Don’t bet against Laurie, but her win is not as sure a thing as we all once thought.

Second Place, 77 points: James & Sharna. James has been so consistently amazing, there is nothing to redeem. The closest is his Week 1 foxtrot, because it was long ago and he’s gotten even better since. They did a foxtrot set at a library, which Tom described as starring “a typical librarian and dancing bookworm.” With Sharna as the sexiest librarian ever, and James as the geek who got the girl, the foxtrot was superb. All the judges raved that it was perfect, except for a misstep in the middle. It was just to remind us he’s human!

Sharna has an interesting strategy when it comes to freestyles: she does something similar to what she’s done all season, just amped up and perfected. She did it with Noah (tear-jerker contemporary) and Nick (BSB concert). So she crafted a spellbinding freestyle about the moment James was struggling for his life right after his accident. Set to instrumental music, and bookended by James’s narration, the dance featured herself as a guardian angel, with the Troupe as light and shadow battling for James’s soul. James’s dancing was excellent, and the entire number was astounding… and maybe, just maybe, will be enough to bring home the trophy. In keeping with the literary theme, James thanked her for filling an empty page in the middle of his book. Awww!

The obvious parallel to James is Helio Castroneves, the Indy driver who eked out victory over the presumptive champion (Mel B) in season 5. Reinforcing this, Helio dropped by rehearsal this week, for a dance-off with James regarding the “best male dancer” comment. James winning would be an upset, but is certainly possible.

Last Place, 75 points: Calvin & Lindsay. Calvin wanted redemption for his Week 3 Viennese waltz, and he got it. He’s the most improved, and no longer has to rely on just having lot of energy. He even looks back on his dances and critiques the technique!  Their dance earned approval from all competent judges – even Len, who recalled Calvin had been lucky to get a six in Week 1. The voice of dissent was Carrie Ann, and Lindsay could barely contain her contempt while listening to the Lift Police.

Lindsay is proving to be very adept at crafting freestyles – recall Alek’s obstacle course! This time, she decided to take everything Calvin can do and throw it together. A smorgasbord of high-energy dance styles and ever-crazier lifts, all done on moving treadmills! It was great, a perfect encapsulation of all of Calvin’s skills. Well, all except one – after the dance, there was a hilarious nonsequitur about Calvin’s hidden tromboning skills.

There is not a chance in hell Calvin wins, and everyone knows it. But we’re enjoying watching him try!

Who do you think will win? Who did you vote for? And are you sad to see Jana eliminated?