Halloween Night on DWTS is oodles of fun! There were dance-offs, pranks, tears, and Houses of Pain.

The show opened with a delightfully batty opening number to kick off Halloween night. Otherwise, the theming left something to be desired. Cheryl was Maleficent without any horns, there was a “Little Shop of Horrors” number without any plants. We expect better!

Fittingly, the couple eliminated was Ryan and Cheryl, because Ryan said he hates Halloween. Kick out the nonbeliever! Ryan’s questionable taste in holidays aside, Cheryl cracked the whip this week, welcoming Ryan to her House of Pain^TM. Ryan declared it was much tougher than training for the Olympics. The result was mixed: Ryan’s acting improved, so he was believable as a prince of darkness in an allegedly a Maleficent-inspired tango. But his posture is still awful, and technique is only okay. That’s no longer enough. He got 23 points, tying for the bottom of the leaderboard. They landed in seventh place upon being eliminated, which is slightly lower than average for Cheryl. This is identical to her result in Season 12 with Chris Jericho.

Worth noting: for all that was made this season of returning pros’ triumphant returns, of the six pros left standing, only Derek and Val have prior wins to their names. The next few weeks will certainly be interesting, as the third slot in the finals next to James and Laurie is still wide open.

Throughout the night, much was made of the looming dance-off, even though the dance-offs don’t really matter because they only award three points. But the couples made a big to-do of worrying about the dance-offs, and the chance to win immunity. Laurie went second and got a perfect score, so the only one who could have stolen the immunity was James, who leads the competition on judges’ points. Sure enough, James did get immunity at the end of the night (plus five points), leaving the other six couples to duke it out.

Dance-off #1 was Laurie vs. Calvin, as Laurie went for the best competitor left (so as not to appear a bully), and Calvin chose to do the jive he’d just worked on a week ago. Laurie hilariously threw down the gauntlet: “Pick on someone your own size!” We’re betting all the other competitors breathed a sigh of relief, because there was no competing with Laurie: she danced as if she’d spent the whole week polishing the jive. Calvin brought his usual energy, but had a minor flub, and just wasn’t as polished as Laurie. Laurie won unanimously, with 63% of voters picking her.

Dance-off #2 was Jana vs. Terra, and Terra chose the salsa because she wanted to try something new. The strategy was interesting: Jana and Gleb, as usual, went for sexiness, with Gleb losing his shirt halfway through. Terra and Sasha, apparently, didn’t waste any effort preparing for the dance-off. Sasha swung her in a circle for ten seconds or so, and otherwise they jumped over and under each other and thrust their bodies a lot. Carrie Ann still went for Terra, but Jana won, with 54% of the vote. Feeling peer pressure, Sasha took off his shirt as well, leading Bruno to spread his legs and convulse on the judges table. It was perhaps the scariest moment of all in Halloween Night.

Dance-off #3 was Ryan vs. Marilu in the cha-cha. Marilu and Derek went for clean and basic cha-cha – good, but lacking the wow factor. Ryan and Cheryl were a sloppy hot mess, but more exciting. Carrie Ann continued her apparent anti-Marilu bias by voting and praising Ryan, Julianne also voted for Ryan, but Bruno (in a surprising move) went for precision over randiness. The truly surprising part was that Ryan won 58% of the vote. How exactly did that happen, between Derek’s fanbase and Ryan’s myriad detractors? Has America forgiven Ryan Lochte his Brazilian transgressions? Either way, Ryan will never get to use those three extra points. And now, let’s welcome our stars!

First Place, 35 points (30+5): James and Sharna/Jenna. Sharna’s injury from last week is a bigger deal than originally supposed, putting her out of commission for a few weeks. This is heartbreaking; Sharna and James have been a thrilling couple to watch, and there was such a feeling that it was Sharna’s season to take the trophy (or at least give Laurie a run for her money). Here’s hoping she can at least return for the finale, if not sooner. That said, Jenna stepped in, and she and James won Halloween with a Viennese waltz as Joker and Harley Quinn. The dance was a flawless blend of romance and creepiness, a true Halloween treat that showcased both James’s technique and the inventiveness of choreography. We especially liked all the different holds showcased throughout the number.

Second Place, 33 points (30+3): Laurie & Val. Val took a turn for the emotional this week, as Laurie’s sense of wonder and joie de vivre reduced him to a blubbering mess. Laurie was shocked at this turn of events: her jaw dropped at Val’s tears, and she advised him, “Don’t be upsetty, eat some spaghetti!” Those are words to live by. Val assured her they were happy tears, and set about creating a wondrous Viennese waltz to “Pure Imagination” – as appropriate a song as any could have been for Val and Laurie’s relationship. The dance was beautiful: Laurie’s technique was excellent (as usual), but she really acted the heck out of it. The song brought Carrie Ann to tears, and Val was actually shaking with emotion as he and Laurie discussed their mentor-mentee relationship with Erin.

Third Place (tie), 30 points: Calvin & Lindsay. A perfect ten goes to the costume and makeup departments for Lindsay and Calvin’s “Mr. Bones” getup. The two did a skeleton-filled quickstep that was actually a really good quickstep – something all the judges highlighted. The video package was mostly about the two busting each other’s chops, but it is impressive that they’re managing to keep up in a season this competitive.

Third Place (tie), 30 points (27+3): Jana & Gleb. Gleb tried to teach Jana using the Russian tough love approach that pretty much all dancers learn through (this writer included). It didn’t help that he was teaching her a dance style he’d never choreographed for himself, the jazz. He got around the problem by including some redemptive bits of jive (since Jana had not succeeded last time she jived), and by throwing in as many splits for Jana as he could. The result was a full-throttle high-energy number, allegedly themed around Little Shop of Horror, though the connection to the theme was tenuous at best.

Fourth Place, 24 points: Terra & Sasha. Terra had to do a cha-cha to the song from Beetlejuice… which doesn’t especially sound like a cha-cha. That said, the judges were unanimous in saying that the number was solid but unspectacular, and Terra needs to up her game to match the rising standard. This critique is spot-on. Terra has fallen into a trap that a lot of early leaders find themselves in, where what used to wow in the first few weeks no longer cuts it in the latter weeks. As the judges love to remind us, DWTS is about improvement!

Last Place, 23 points: Marilu & Derek. Marilu’s story arc is immensely frustrating, because she has all the ingredients to be getting perfect scores: the technique, the commitment, and Derek. But she keeps making miniscule errors during the dance that the judges rip her apart for. Carrie Ann, in particular, has been giving her far lower scores than is called for; there’s no way her Argentine tango was a seven. The dance itself was really fun to watch, as Derek made the most of Marilu’s legs-for-days to craft some beautiful combinations.

Did you agree with the winners of the dance-offs? Are you happy to see the last of Ryan? And how long would you last in Cheryl’s House of Pain^TM?