One of our favorite moments of Dancing with the Stars season 23 has finally arrived: team dances! More good news: Len returned, and brought the seven paddles with him!

Appropriately on Eras Night, the teams were the Past (James, Calvin, Ryan, Maureen) and the Future (Laurie, Terra, Marilu, Jana). It’s rather appropriate the Future is led by a 16-year-old; it’s also wholly fitting that Ryan was picked last. The future was all women, the past was male athletes plus Maureen – more symbolism there than in several books!

‘DWTS’ 23×07 recap

Team Past received 38 points for a Viennese waltz set to a Scottish folk song (though James wanted Jazzercise). This was one of the best group numbers we’ve ever seen on the show, and (to our memory) the first group dance where the entire dance featured the entire team dancing together. Usually, team dances consist of four solo bits, and go as high energy as humanly possible. This was quiet, elegant, and haunting – stunning both visually and from a dance technique perspective. Color us very impressed.

Team Future went with a much more by-the-numbers approach: four solo bits, a few cool group bits, and some side-by-side with questionable synchronicity. They were hampered by two things: half the team was traveling all week (hence problems staying in sync), and Terra. Sasha has no problem adapting his dancing to suit Terra’s stature, but it’s a much bigger challenge with eight dancers involved. Terra was flooded with tears over not wanting to hold anyone back; she didn’t in the end. The concept was pretty cool: dystopian future. It was a good dance, but there was no question the Past won.

And with a minute left in the telecast, the couple eliminated was Maureen and Artem, landing in eighth place. The result is par the course for Artem, and ironically is identical to the result Florence Henderson got 12 seasons ago. Maureen landed on the bottom of the leaderboard in the first round with 28 points, but ended on a high note with her triumph in the team dance.

In her individual round, she did an ‘80s tango to “You Give Love a Bad Name,” which is all one ever wants out of Eras Night. In fact, one of our favorite team dances was exactly that, many moons ago. Maureen and Artem certainly had fun with the ‘80s style, but their tango was only okay. There were several stumbles – at least one caused by Artem stepping on her skirt – and the sense of attack required was spottily present.

And now, let’s welcome our stars! Ordered by combined scores…

First Place (tie), 74 points (36+38): James & Sharna. The praise for James has been so consistent, so effusive, and so justified, we’re actually starting to believe he might unseat Laurie. Probably not… but stranger things have happened. He and Sharna (with an injured knee) did a ‘40s jitterbug, and after a slow intro, it was a perfect blend of fun and acrobatics. James is one of the few who still looks good when dancing next to the pro dancers. Len criticized the routine as more jive than jitterbug; we suspect that’s because no one knows what jitterbug is. When the dance was first introduced, the Hough siblings had to google it and spy on each other to craft a routine.

First Place (tie), 74 points (36+38): Calvin & Lindsay. For the first time in a couple weeks, Calvin can’t rely on awesome lifts as a crutch, as he attempted a ‘50s jive. His football injuries leave him incapable of pointing his toes, which is crucial in the jive. The video package wisely highlighted that, otherwise the judges would’ve destroyed him. As it was, the judges were far more impressed than we were, giving a full set of inflated nines. The jive was high energy, but seemed a tad sloppy; as ever, the juxtaposition of professional dancers did him no favors. DWTS never misses a moment to highlight Lindsay being an airhead; in this week’s history lesson, she thought Napoleon sailed with Christopher Columbus.

Second Place (tie), 69 points (34+35): Laurie & Val. As the only Chmerkovskiy left in the competition, Val channeled all of his brother’s attitude this week – we give his sass a 10! He intimated that Len was jet-lagged for criticizing Laurie’s technique and called him a party-pooper. When Carrie Ann scolded him for including lifts, he responded, “The ‘60s were a time of rebellion!” without missing a beat. (The difference between Val and Maks, of course, is that Val’s sass seems to be all in good fun.)

Apparently for Val, the ‘60s were all about prom, which was a big deal for Laurie since she had never been to prom. Per Bruno, Val as Laurie’s prom date was reminiscent of Austin Powers’ demented mother, so a girl’s dreams really can come true! The end result was a decent if unspectacular quickstep, with far too much messing about. But all is forgiven for Laurie recapping what she learned about the ‘60s: there was a Cold War, and (she barely contained her giggles) women burned bras. Tom tied it all together: Because they burned bras, that’s why it was a Cold War!

Second Place (tie), 69 points (34+35): Jana & Gleb. Jana totally cracked under the pressure of following up a perfect score. Doing the difficult samba in a week with Len judging didn’t help matters. According to her samba, the ‘70s were absolutely filled with laundry and more crotch-thrusting than we’ve ever seen in a dance. Gleb is leaning on the “sexiness” as a crutch, and is doing his very able partner a disservice by doing so. It worked last week as the judges fawned over their shower, but Len was not having it this week. When Gleb protested that there was content, Len tore into him about Jana’s sloppy bachacatas (he’s right). Gleb meekly accepted criticism, but told Erin that he choreographs for a TV show, not a dance competition (Cheryl nodded in agreement). The truly great pros do both.

Second Place (tie), 69 points (34+35): Terra & Sasha. Terra feels much more at home with a ‘30s foxtrot, even though she’s “cheek to chest” instead of “cheek to cheek” with Sasha. Their dance was simple, elegant, and really highlighted the best of what Terra brings to the table. Everyone on the show highlighted what a perfect partnership Terra and Sasha are, which is true. Terra brought her babies to the show to garner ever more sympathy votes after a trying week, but it’s her dancing that’ll get people voting. However, the last two weeks have been a culling of the overemotional contestants, so perhaps Terra’s right to worry.

Third Place, 66 points (28+38): Ryan & Cheryl. This week’s “I don’t feel sexy!” storyline goes to Ryan. It’s such a tired storyline, they really should retire it for a couple weeks. Ryan did a rhumba devoid of props and other shenanigans, earning Len’s favor. Unfortunately, the dance was also devoid of technique, full of bent knees, heel leads, dreadful posture, etc. Julianne said that it’s Week 7 and he no longer gets an A for effort. Ryan was at the bottom of the leaderboard when considering only individual dances. We’d guess he’s going home next.

Last Place, 64 points (29+35): Marilu & Derek. Marilu’s Charleston was fast and fun, but she slipped up at the end. The judges seemed unnecessarily harsh on her, though, we expected at least eights. As Julianne pointed out, Marilu is the oldest competitor, and it’s impressive that she keeps up even in the fast dances. It seems her scores are always a tad harsher than the other contestants’. Were it not for Derek’s prodigious skill and loyal fanbase, we’d be worried.

What impressed you more, the Past or the Future? Who do you think will go home next week? And what valuable history lessons have you learned this week?