Welcome to another season of Dancing with the Stars! No protestors rushed the stage this week, so let’s consider TV Night a success.

DWTS made the most of its deep catalogue of alumni to spice up the first hour of the show, which was mostly a snoozefest of mediocre dancing. But who can bother paying attention to that when all these celebrities are dropping by! The quality of dance took a sharp upturn in the latter half, where we began to see our frontrunners emerge. Laurie and James look like the ones to beat, but Marilu and Terra may be in contention as well.

There’s a lot of bunching in the sevens-and-eights zone of the leaderboard, so look for a lot of angsting about “breaking out from the middle of the pack” in the coming weeks.

Let’s dive right in, and welcome our stars!

First Place, 32 points: Laurie & Val. Laurie is pretty much a cartoon character, according to Val, so a Duck Tales jive was right up her alley. It is really impressive how good she did – sure, her feet could have been a bit more pointed in the kicks, but keeping up in a jive is no easy task. All our Olympic gymnasts have made the top four, but none have won since Shawn Johnson in season 8. Seems Laurie has a decent shot of breaking that trend.

Second Place, 31 points: Terra & Sasha. Sasha described himself as a “universal Dick,” so that’s our biggest takeaway here. Doing a dance to Bewitched happens practically every year on DWTS, so Terra wiggled her nose and then just got on with it. As the judges raved, this was the best dance of the night up to that point – an impeccable frame despite the height difference, clean footwork despite short legs. Terra got her wish – we’re saying she did great. No qualifiers.

Third Place, 30 points: Babyface & Allison. This number was very promising! Allison actually choreographed a proper argentine tango, and Babyface pulled it off with flair. Toni Braxton (eighth place in season 7) came in to coach Babyface how to ooze sensuality. The judges all seem to think she succeeded; we’re ambivalent about it. Impressively, he also produced a new version of the X-Files song to dance to, in order to give it that extra oomph.

Fourth Place (tie), 29 points: James & Sharna. Last week’s breakout star had such a busy week, he could barely rehearse… and yet he still delivered one of the best performances of the night. Len may kvetch about content, but this Walking Dead-themed paso doble was one of our favorite routines from the last couple years. Forget bullfights, let all pasos now be about fending off zombie hordes! James’ shapes weren’t perfect, given that he had a day to rehearse, but he’s one to watch. If Laurie falters, look for James to snatch the trophy.

Fourth Place (tie), 29 points: Marilu & Derek. Derek struggled with choreographing to the Taxi theme song, but the end result was a beautiful foxtrot. A simple routine that showed off Marilu’s lines and fluidity, it tickled Len’s fancy all the way to an eight. Derek has never had a bad partnership, but he and Marilu seem to really be hitting it off. Derek is choreographing very classic dances thus far, no messing about – he’s either sucking up to Len, or saving the big guns for when Laurie pulls out her gymnastics.

Fourth Place (tie), 29 points: Jana & Gleb. Jana’s rib injuries did not prevent the couple from smoldering in their tango. It’s hard to say whether the movements were smaller because of the injuries, or just felt that way because the ferocious tango was set to the sweetest low-key song ever (sung by Gavin DeGraw, ninth place in season 14). Watching them dance makes Bruno want to go to confession, which Tom said could take a long time – “Years!” Bruno confirmed. Late-night special, anyone? We’d watch it!

Fifth Place, 28 points: Calvin & Lindsay. Calvin has more personality than all three of last season’s footballers combined. He did a Steve Urkel-themed foxtrot, and afterwards was surprised by Urkel himself, Jaleel White (seventh place, season 14). Watching these two fanboy each other was adorable. Calvin’s dancing is pretty good too, earning an emphatic “seVEN!” from each judge.

Sixth Place (tie), 26 points: Maureen & Artem. They opened the show by staging a Brady Bunch reunion through the use of Florence Henderson (eighth place, season 11). Florence appears to have taken on the role of Maureen’s mentor – a role that needs to be filled, because Maureen desperately needs to calm down and get some confidence. The role of DWTS fangirl is being filled more effectively by Marilu. Maureen actually did a decent dance, but the first number is often long-forgotten by the end of two hours. She has some cause to be worried tonight.

Sixth Place (tie), 26 points: Vanilla Ice & Witney. The best thing to be said about Vanilla Ice is that he showed the most improvement this week. Considering the bar was previously set at “appalling,” that’s not saying much. There’s just no escaping the sense that Vanilla Ice doesn’t care about the competition. And while he has enough of a fanbase to last a while, the objective viewers of the show won’t vote for someone who doesn’t care.

Seventh Place (tie), 24 points: Ryan & Cheryl. Ryan Lochte is a fascinating case. He was all set for a slow-burn redemption arc, which would have been helped if he had ever shown any contrition for his misdeeds in Rio. But last week’s attack has turned him into a DWTS martyr. It’s such brilliant image rehab, a more suspicious writer might venture that the whole “attack” was a PR stunt. The million-dollar question is whether audiences at home are disposed to be as sympathetic towards Ryan as the cast… our guess would be “not quite.” In terms of the actual dancing, it’s passable at best. I give credit for actually trying to do a proper quickstep, but Ryan messed it all up.

Seventh Place (tie), 24 points: Amber & Maks. Maks as Khal Drogo was inspired casting, but we’re not sure if Amber is a Khaleesi quite yet. She was way more into it this week, but her feet were slipping and sliding all over the place in this Westerosi Viennese waltz. She’s another one who should be nervous tonight.

Seventh Place (tie), 24 points: Jake & Jenna. If Jake is doing a cha-cha during TV Night, I consider it criminal malpractice for him not to have done Wizards of Waverly Place. For shame! Instead, he did Go, Diego, Go, except Diego got hot and hooked up with a sexy cat or something. Jake is ahead of the music – it was most obvious when he fell out of sync with Jenna during the Cuban breaks – and the judges tore him apart for it. We want to root for him and want him to go far, but he needs to course-correct and fast.

Last Place, 22 points: Rick & Emma. Rick isn’t lacking enthusiasm, we’ll give him that. Unfortunately, he is lacking ballroom dance skills. His quickstep was fun if one just didn’t look at the footwork. Also, apparently he’s dancing for veterans now? Can’t make heads or tails of that one. With any luck, he’ll be the one sent packing.

How do you think the season’s shaping up? Who do you think will be sent home tonight? And would you listen to Bruno’s confession or are you too afraid?