When you combine the emotionally charged Switch-Up Week with a judge who makes everyone agitated, you get a night where emotions run high.

Yes, Week 5 saw the Switch-Up Challenge, which always makes for good TV. Guest-judging was Maks Chmerkovskiy, who in all fairness did a much better job this time than the previous two such occasions. Maks and Len ended up as allies against content-less routines, leading to a rather bizarre bromance. There was a dichotomy among the couples, where most of them had routines chock full of content, whereas a few had almost none at all. And the veteran pros really showed up the newbies by taking their stars and doing better with them.

Without an elimination at the tail end of the show, DWTS had some time to fill. They brought on a musical guest, and had an opening number that seemed longer than usual, where a catatonic Mark was compensated for by Sasha practically bouncing off the walls. But the best time filler was a video segment of the switched-up stars getting to know each other. Among the highlights: Sharna slipped up and admitted Antonio won’t win, Nyle or Wanya would; Keo is terrified of Karina; Nyle fake-admitted he can hear; and Witney’s look of total repulsion at Wanya rubbing pee on his face for better skin. With that, let’s welcome our switched-up stars!

First Place, 37 or 39 points (depending who you ask): Nyle & Sharna. Color us impressed, because when Sharna took over for Peta, Nyle danced as well as ever. Despite a funky turn at the beginning, it was a beautiful Viennese waltz, reducing Nyle, Peta, and (obviously) Carrie Ann to tears. While it seems excessive, Len must’ve been fed up of grouching all night, and gave out the first ten of the season (which must be unprecedented in DWTS history). There was a scoring snafu, when Maks and Bruno attempted to give tens but the producers insisted they had given nines. Tyra Banks stopped by to say “Hi” in rehearsal, which probably should’ve been saved for a less interesting week later on.

Second Place, 35 points: Jodie & Val. Jodie had just what the doctor ordered: a redemption week. Val got her to do a fantastic paso doble, with great shapes and powerful movement. Jodie mistakenly attributed her breakthrough to “having fun,” as opposed to the intense teaching style of Val. Keo is well and good, but he is seemingly not used to partners who can actually dance, and one can’t help feeling Jodie would be better off in a firmer pro’s hands.

Third Place, 32 points: Ginger & Mark. Ginger did a great salsa – a few poses looked a touch awkward on her, but overall it was a solid number. The judges barely had any feedback – “It was great, thanks, next!” The real story here is Ginger’s hubby, Ben. Ben had to supervise rehearsal, because while he and Val have an understanding, there was “a lot of shimmying” going on in this dance (though as Ben proved just before it cut to commercial, he can shimmy with the best of them). But the best gem was Ben opining on Mark and Val, a merlot and dirty martini respectively. He said Val is like a “Russian love slave,” which broke pretty much the entire ballroom. We are starting a write-in campaign for Ben to compete on season 23.

Fourth Place, 31 points: Paige & Sasha. Rhumba with a switched-up partner would be tricky for most contestants, but especially for a girl who doesn’t even trust her usual partner. Sasha focused on bringing out Paige’s romantic side, and he succeeded according to everyone except Len. In a bizarre moment, Len demanded more emotion, asking Paige to “come out more.” Not missing a beat, Bruno said, “I can teach you to come out, Len!” As for the dancing, it was well done, though the routine was more contemporary than rhumba (a fact Maks pointed out).

Fifth Place, 30 points: Wanya & Witney. Witney has never thrived during switch-ups; she openly admits to not liking them. And the judges usually don’t like her efforts; tonight was no exception, as they criticized Wanya’s technique. We disagreed – while Wanya’s technique was not as polished as usual, he did an entire routine of tango, with excellent choreography by Witney. Where Lindsay gets Wanya to do a few moves well, surrounded by fluff to fill out the time, Witney made it non-stop tango, though done not quite perfectly. The most notable part of the segment, though, was Lindsay’s epic death glare. We do not want to be on that girl’s bad side!

Sixth Place, 29 points: Von & Lindsay. Did we watch the same number as the judges? Because this was appalling. A jive should not be a country jive, because Von’s country style is in direct opposition to every tenet of jive technique. Mercifully, Von did little dancing, but what he did was an unmitigated disaster. Some cute banter afterwards (Witney told him not to fart in front of Linday, he disobeyed) could not save this from being the low point of the evening.

Seventh Place (tie), 28 points: Kim & Keo. Kim and Sasha have a very specific fun chemistry, so the switch-up wasn’t kind to her. Though it may have been worth it for the scene of a family dinner (Kim’s family plus Keo), where Keo lamented that Kim had intimacy issues and her husband lamented her cheating on Sasha. It’s an interesting dynamic. There was an epic height difference between the couple (which is really challenging, to be fair), so Keo choreographed a Viennese waltz entirely out of frame… which is a big no-no. Len and Maks came down on him hard, demanding why there was absolutely no Viennese waltz content and dealing out punitive sixes. Keo dealt with Len’s epic scolding about honoring what came before with good grace, but when Maks (like the ass he is) pointed out that he and Meryl overcame a height difference, Keo just was not having it anymore.

Seventh Place (tie), 28 points: Doug & Peta. Considering Doug can’t remember his steps, Peta did a good job with him, giving him a tango routine full of content. Doug markedly improved from last week, though that’s not saying much. Honestly, we barely remember this routine even happened.

Last Place, 26 points: Antonio & Karina. Oh dear… Antonio is apparently very busy, and delivered an utter disaster of a cha-cha with the worst technique of the night. Len tore him a new one, and the scores were (rather generous) sixes and sevens. Perhaps being criticized by an ex-fiance pushed some of Karina’s buttons, because she turned really nasty, thanking the judges for their scores in a voice that simply oozed sarcasm and contempt.

What was your favorite switched-up couple? What other couplings would you have liked to see? And what are your views on Russian love slaves?