Donald Glover, who plays Troy Barnes on Community, has explained in a series of Instagram posts why he left the show.
When it was announced a few months back that Donald Glover was leaving Community after the fifth episode of the fifth season, many assumed that it was to further pursue his music career as Childish Gambino.
But according to some hand-written letters on hotel stationery that Glover posted pictures of to Instagram, that may not entirely be the case. The letters are very confessional, and at times unclear, but Glover makes sure to explain that his music career didn’t take him away from Community. The reasons, rather, were far more adrift-in-your-mid-twenties sadder.
“I didn’t leave Community to rap,” he wrote. “I don’t wanna rap. I wanted to be on my own. I’ve been sick this year. I’ve seen a bunch of people die this year. This is the first time I’ve felt helpless. But I’m not on that. Kept looking for something to be in with. Follow someone’s blueprint. But you have to be on your own.
“I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid my parents won’t live long enough to see my kids. I’m afraid my show will fail. I’m scared my girl will get pregnant at not the exact time we want. I’m scared I’ll never reach my potential. I’m afraid she’s still in love with that dude.
“I’m scared I’ll never grow out of bro rape. I’m afraid people think I hate my race. I’m afraid people think I hate women. I hate people can say anything. I hate caring what people think. I’m afraid there’s someone better for you or me.
“I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I’m afraid people hate who I really am. I’m afraid I hate who I really am. I’m scared people will find out what I masturbate to. I’m afraid I’m here for nothing. I feel that this will feel pretentious.”
He continued, “the label doesn’t want me to release in December cause it’s not a holiday record and I’m not a big artist. I started the record last Christmas. Christmas always made me feel lonely, but it helped me restart the new year. I want people to get this album when everything’s closed, when everything slows down and quiet. So you can start over.
“I got really lost last year. But I can’t be lonely tho. Cause we’re all here. We’re all stuck here. I wanted to make something that says, no matter how bad you fuck up, or mistakes you’ve made during the year, your life, your eternity, you’re always allowed to be better. You’re always allowed to grow up. If you want.”
Glover is clearly struggling with something and perhaps didn’t think he could continue on making jokes in Community. The letter is sad but somehow made even sadder by the hotel stationery.
It’s interesting that Glover mentions being worried that Dan Harmon is upset with him because Harmon is the type of social media personality who very well may respond to this on Twitter or Tumblr.
The Community letter was one of seven total pictures that Glover posted. The remaining letters to fans reveal even more anxiety and distress, as we transcribed above.
It turns out that, as suspected, Glover is a pretty self-aware, soulful dude.