Clear away the cobwebs and get up to speed on the intricate events of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. with our rhyming recap of season 1.
Our story began with an agent named Phil
Returning to S.H.I.E.L.D. after dodging a kill
With a spring in his step and a grin on his face
He’s fresh from Tahiti, that “magical place.”
He convinced Agent May to pilot his plane
Although she was scarred by events in Bahrain.
As specialist, Ward, who signed on with defiance
And young Fitz and Simmons would handle the science.
Also on board, though we weren’t sure why
Was a sassy young hacker known only as Skye
And though we’re still missing her origin story
We know she’s one-hundred-percent 0-8-4-y.
The group slowly bonded through various threats
Kill-switches, aliens, ghostly regrets
And though May and Ward started knocking their boots
It seemed that the team had begun to grow roots.
But all was not easy in Phil Coulson’s mind
Tahiti, he found, was not real but designed
Could he really survive such a gory attack?
Or had something more powerful summoned him back?
He wasn’t alone in pursuing this theorem.
The girl who invented the Centipede serum
Just like our Coulson, was desperate to learn
How the dead agent pulled off his return.
So Raina – who’s totally crazy for flowers
(And seems to think she has some overdue powers)
Kidnapped AC for just one revelation:
The agent was changed by his reincarnation.
But when Skye discovered the Clairvoyant’s plot
She met up with Deathlok and got herself shot
Desperate to help the young hacker survive
Coulson tracked down some “GH-325.”
Drained from an alien, floating in goo
The stuff had kept Coulson’s heart beating on too
But though it saved Skye, Agent C remained wary
The side-effects certainly promise to vary.
With Skye on the mend and the Clairvoyant near
Coulson thought they might just be in the clear
But this was a feeling he’d come to regret
Coulson and crew hadn’t seen NOTHING yet.
When Captain America found out the truth
– That HYDRA had hidden in SHIELD from its youth –
It kicked off an organization-wide fight
As those in the shadows crawled into the light.
Among them was Garrett, Ward’s old SO
Who was the Clairvoyant! A terrible blow
Instead of clairvoyance or psychic coherence
All Garrett had was security clearance…
And one other ace that he held up his sleeve
We’re not gonna lie, it was hard to believe
That Ward, our stoic and well-muscled slime
Was working for HYDRA the whole frikken time!
Ward credits Garrett with making him strong
He does what he says, if it’s right or it’s wrong
There’s backstory there, but it’s still sorta foggy
Suffice it to say, we think Ward shot his doggy.
When Coulson and co were informed of this twist
We’ll put it like this: They were mildly pissed
They focused that fury to hatch a new plot
With SHIELD resurrected, and Ward… you know, not.
But not every point went according to plan
Simmons and Fitz found themselves in a jam
When Garrett gave orders, Ward didn’t complain
He dumped poor FitzSimmons right out of the plane!
Stuck in a box with the ocean above
Leo told Jemma that he was in love
They rigged an explosion with no time to spare
And were saved by Nick Fury from up in the air
But there was a catch, as you certainly know
(Remember, this thing is a dang Whedon show!)
And so we have suffered a summer of pain
Not knowing what happened to Fitz’s poor brain.
The rest of Team Coulson attacked Cybertek
Where May got to kick Agent Ward in the neck!
Skye rescued Peterson’s kidnapped son, Ace
And Deathlok went dancing on Garrett’s dumb face.
With Ward apprehended and Garrett defeated
Fury gave Coulson the answers he needed
Like an Avenger, the agent was vital
And speaking of which, how’s about a new title?
Fury’s becoming a private protector
Now Agent Coulson will be the Director
Once at its heart, he will now be the head
Coulson himself will raise S.H.I.E.L.D. from the dead.
Raina popped in on a guy dripping gore
She said that she’d found what he’d been looking for
Though 20 years past, he’d started a slaughter
Raina has located Skye – Drippy’s daughter!
And so season 1 had reached its conclusion
Except for a moment of massive confusion
Coulson did something that left us dismayed
He walked through the darkness and pulled out a blade
He rested the knife on the first wall he saw
And slowly – and scarily – started to draw.
Circles and lines, for hours he drew
But what does it mean? Well, bring on season 2!
We hope you had fun with this recapping rhyme
And be sure to watch S.H.I.E.L.D. in its sexy new time
At 9:00 p.m. eastern – make sure you remember!
On Tuesday, the 23rd day of September.